1.Does the draft include a thesis statement/ conclusion? What is it? Is it clearly stated and arguable?
The draft includes a thesis but no conclusion. The thesis is clear in that detecting mental health problems early on can help children navigate easier.
2.Does every body paragraph begin with a premise/ topic sentence that supports the thesis?
The paragraphs showcase topics in the beginning that support the thesis, such as the effect of COVID on young children.
3.Does each body paragraph include relevant supporting evidence? Explain.
The sources used are good and aid in proving that mental health awareness is important for young children.
4.Does the draft include 3 sources, at least two of which are from CQ Researcher or Opposing Viewpoints/ BMCC database?
The draft includes 3 strong sources that further the writers argument
5.Does the research support the author’s thesis without replacing their voice? For example, if there is a quote, is it explained and analyzed? I think there can be more support directly from the author in explaining how the sources tie into their writing.
6.Does the author include at least 1 opposing viewpoint, followed by a refutation? Explain.
I unfortunately do not see an opposing viewpoint in the draft, but it is in the outline. It works well with the thesis and counters the argument.
7.Is it clear who the audience is/ who the draft is addressed to?
I am not sure who this would be addressed to, maybe new parents or teachers.
8. Does the author include an outline? If so, is it well-organized?
The outline is very well organized and includes premises as well as an opposing viewpoint
9. What are the strengths of this draft?
The introduction paragraph is great, and the thesis is strong
10. Do you have any other comments or suggestions? No, I feel that this will be a really strong essay once it is finished.
One thought on “Johan: outline + draft”
1.Does the draft include a thesis statement/ conclusion? What is it? Is it clearly stated and arguable?
The draft includes a thesis but no conclusion. The thesis is clear in that detecting mental health problems early on can help children navigate easier.
2.Does every body paragraph begin with a premise/ topic sentence that supports the thesis?
The paragraphs showcase topics in the beginning that support the thesis, such as the effect of COVID on young children.
3.Does each body paragraph include relevant supporting evidence? Explain.
The sources used are good and aid in proving that mental health awareness is important for young children.
4.Does the draft include 3 sources, at least two of which are from CQ Researcher or Opposing Viewpoints/ BMCC database?
The draft includes 3 strong sources that further the writers argument
5.Does the research support the author’s thesis without replacing their voice? For example, if there is a quote, is it explained and analyzed? I think there can be more support directly from the author in explaining how the sources tie into their writing.
6.Does the author include at least 1 opposing viewpoint, followed by a refutation? Explain.
I unfortunately do not see an opposing viewpoint in the draft, but it is in the outline. It works well with the thesis and counters the argument.
7.Is it clear who the audience is/ who the draft is addressed to?
I am not sure who this would be addressed to, maybe new parents or teachers.
8. Does the author include an outline? If so, is it well-organized?
The outline is very well organized and includes premises as well as an opposing viewpoint
9. What are the strengths of this draft?
The introduction paragraph is great, and the thesis is strong
10. Do you have any other comments or suggestions? No, I feel that this will be a really strong essay once it is finished.