Summary
Education in America
John D. Rockefeller, who founded the General Education Board, is quoted as saying. "I don’t want a nation of thinkers; I want a nation of workers''. This quote is not proven to have been said by Mr. Rockefeller yet the American educational system is proving that it is not equipped to provide a proper modern education for all its citizens. The American education system needs to be thoroughly analyzed in order to take steps towards producing students proficient in the math and sciences. The current state of education has served the United States seemingly well yet the world is changing and we must keep our competitive edge in the world by making sure we have the sharpest minds.
The current trends in the American education system are not in favor of a competitive American workforce. Recent information gathered by the National Center for Education Statistics shows math and reading proficiency under forty percent for fourth graders and under thirty percent for eighth graders. This is an unfortunate turn downwards in the quality of education after a period of steady stagnation. From 2006 to 2016 the reading and math proficiency of our students has been steady in the mid to low thirty percentile and is now on the decline. America became a beacon of hope and prosperity around the world because it was innovative and led by example. At the moment we are thirtieth in education around the world and it seems we are working backwards; the labor market is changing, blue collar jobs like industrial and manufacturing jobs are on the decline due to automation and new technologies.
According to the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, our workforce tied for last on tests of mathematics and problem solving among the workforces of all the industrial countries tested. In today’s age it is evident that technology and innovation will pave the future yet our students are not properly equipped. Science, math and engineering are the cornerstones of innovation and technology yet over fifty percent of the PHD students in our programs are from foreign countries over sixty percent in the engineering department. The American education system has to do more, to be something more to guide our students toward the hard sciences.
The biggest hindrance to a proper education reform is financial. Proponents of establishing a proper education would argue the cost is simply too great. It would cost millions of dollars. This is true, the education system needs more than a Band-Aid to provide what our students deserve. More teachers need to be hired and paid proper wages, books need to be updated along with curriculums and computers. Our schools need to be safe and equipped with everything students need to learn and thrive. Yet the financial cost does not trump the potential that comes from an educated intellectually competitive workforce,
America has a lot of work to do to improve the state of education, especially in the math and sciences. New technology has often shaped the way of the world, from world wars to social justice. Technology has played a significant role in revolutionizing the way people interact with each other locally and globally. Improving education in America is important for many reasons including being competitive globally. American exceptionalism comes down to more than just competition, it's also an idea. The idea that we lead, we lead in democratic values, we lead in opportunity and we lead the way to the future with our future students.
3 thoughts on “NATACHA CORTES- OUTLINE & DRAFT”
1. Does the draft include a thesis statement/ conclusion? What is it? Is it stated and arguable?
This thesis is provided, stating that ‘CPS hires individuals without taking proper responsibility, resulting in blaming when things go wrong.’ The conclusion emphasizes the importance of actions over mere statements in preventing child abuse. The thesis can be clearer however it is arguable.
2. Does everybody’s paragraph begin with a premise/ topic sentence that supports the thesis?
Each paragraph begins with a premise and a topic sentence that supports the thesis. They focus on the failures of CPS in protecting children and instances where the system failed to act timely, leading to tragic outcomes.
3. Does each body paragraph include relevant supporting evidence?
The essay includes supporting evidence from the CQ Researcher database, specifically citing articles on child welfare and abuse remedies. These sources back the claims made in the essay, supporting the discussion about CPS failures and instances where the system inadequately responded to child abuse.
4. Does the draft include 3 sources, at least two of which are from the CQ Researcher or Opposing Viewpoints/ BMCC database?
The draft includes three sources, and at least two of them are from the CQ Researcher and the Opposing Viewpoints/ BMCC database, meeting the requirement.
5. Does the research support the author’s thesis without replacing their voice? For example, if there is a quote, is it explained and analyzed?
The research supplements your voice without overshadowing it. The quotes are integrated, explained, and analyzed about your claims, maintaining your voice throughout.
6. Does the author include at least 1 opposing viewpoint, followed by a refutation?
The essay briefly introduces an opposing viewpoint which can be broader, stating that children can advocate for themselves, and laws exist to protect them. However, a clear refutation or counterargument to this opposing view is not explicitly provided.
7. Is it clear who the audience is/ who the draft is addressed to?
The essay is addressed to individuals concerned with the flaws in the child protection system, advocates, policymakers, or those interested in the welfare of children.
8. Does the author include an outline? If so, is it well-organized?
An explicit outline is not provided, but the structure of the essay is organized around clear premises supporting the thesis.
9. What are the strengths of this draft?
The essay is well-supported with evidence from credible sources, maintaining a coherent structure. The personal experience shared by the author adds a poignant touch to the arguments presented.
10. Do you have any other comments or suggestions?
To strengthen the essay, a more detailed analysis of opposing viewpoints and a subsequent refutation could provide a more comprehensive argument. Additionally, a more explicit connection between the evidence presented and your thesis would further bolster the essay’s persuasiveness. Plus, there are numerous grammar errors.
1.Does the draft include a thesis statement/ conclusion? What is it? Is it clearly stated and arguable?
The first paragraph asks us if we know about the Children proctation service, then the writer tells us that if we have a job, we must execute it well and responsibly, which I believe is the thesis. At first, it is a little confusing to find the thesis of this essay, but after you analyze it and put the ideas together, it can be interpreted that the thesis is that people who work in services to protect children must carry it out responsibly.
2.Does every body paragraph begin with a premise/ topic sentence that supports the thesis?
Yes, each main point have a premise that helps you to understand the idea that will be discussed in the body of the paragraph that will support the thesis.
3.Does each body paragraph include relevant supporting evidence? Explain.
I believe that this article is based on opinion rather than on evidence since it does not show sources or does not talk about professional opinions that can support what is being argued.
4.Does the draft include 3 sources, at least two of which are from CQ Researcher or Opposing Viewpoints/ BMCC database?
No, Onlly one source was provided
5.Does the research support the author’s thesis without replacing their voice? For example, if there is a quote, is it explained and analyzed?
Yes, but I would love to read about more sources
6.Does the author include at least 1 opposing viewpoint, followed by a refutation? Explain.
Yes, I feel like the writer did a great job creating a paraphrase that opposes her opinion. She explained that in certain instances, Children are heard, meaning that they are actually protected
7.Is it clear who the audience is/ who the draft is addressed to?
Yes, The write explain well her point of view
8. Does the author include an outline? If so, is it well-organized?
Yes, the write cover all points in the outline but I would love to see an introduction
9. What are the strengths of this draft?
It is a very argumentative Draft and I believe that the writer show really well her point of view on this topic.
10. Do you have any other comments or suggestions?
N/A
1. Yes, the draft includes a thesis statement and a conclusion. The thesis is that CPS hires individuals without proper vetting and tends to shift blame when issues arise. It’s clearly stated and arguable, providing a clear focus for the essay.
2. Yes, every body paragraph does begin with a premise or topic sentence that supports the thesis.
3. The draft includes supporting evidence, such as real-life examples and references to CQ Researcher articles. However, there is room for further explanation and analysis of some of the evidence to strengthen the author’s argument.
4. The draft only has two pieces of evidence, they need one more to follow requirements.
5, The research does support the author’s thesis, although there is room for more in-depth analysis of the evidence. The integration of quotes and references should be followed by a more detailed explanation to connect them with the argument.
6. The draft includes an opposing viewpoint, but it could benefit from a more structured and clear refutation of that viewpoint.
7. Yes, the author is addressing anyone who is concerned with the flaws of the CPS system.
8. Yes, the author includes an outline.
9. The strengths of this draft include a clear thesis, a well-structured outline, and the inclusion of supporting evidence. The essay addresses an important issue in a structured manner.
10. Some suggestions include providing more in-depth analysis of the evidence, improving the refutation of opposing viewpoints, and specifying the intended audience. Additionally, proofreading for grammar and clarity would enhance the overall quality of the essay.