Category: Reading Journal

Kulah Love Massaquoi

In my first column, I will like to discuss three important things that I noticed and people really love and admire me when they are communicating with me. The first thing is eye contact, facial expressions, and the way that I talk.

1. Due to the compliment that I received, from people, I think these three things really help express my feelings because it helps me when having a conversation or presenting in public. It also shows them that I am very focused and always pay attention or listen to what people have to say to me. Another thing that they admire on me is my Facial expression will help me reveal my true feelings about a situation. It will express my feelings through the look on my face to others when communicating. On the other hand, facial expressions will also help me to determine if the person I am interacting with is trustworthy or saying the truth. Facial expressions are one of the most universal forms of body language because it shows a lot of emotions fear when we first appear somewhere for the very first time. Lastly, they like the way that I talk to everyone because I don’t pick and choose among anyone that I am friendly with or meet for the first time and do not Brag about my life. I also tried to talk to people. People tell me that they like the way I  expressing my feelings because I speak calm and clear and it sounds more credible than others that are a fast speaker. 

Kulah Love Massaquoi

Journal 1

In the text, the writers tell us about the importance of women’s gender, sex, and sexuality identities. The word gender identified us as a male and female in social life. It also has assignments during childbirth and they are labeled as girls or boys anxiety. While the term sex refers to someone’s sexual anatomy and has a biological difference between males and females, such as genitalia and genetic differences. That’s why when a medical doctor always tells us when a baby girl is born that she is a female base on the girl sex they are characterized as chromosome, organs, hormonal so it is important that we know that whenever the doctor is referring to the sex of a girl we should always know that he is talking to her body. Lastly, the term sexuality describes a person’s physically sexual feeling. We can express our sexuality through our thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behavior, practice, roles, and relationships. I also learn and understand that sexuality can be identified in so many ways like homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual, gay, and straight all of these tell us about the sexual orientation of a person. The binary makes us understand that these identities are not the same for everyone. It is very important to know the importance of when and where to use these words. Though my understanding is limited, I plan on learning to express the perspective view of how sex, gender, and sexual orientation is important

“Sex Talks” by Rebecca Kukla, unveils and explains the complexity of language in a sexual environment. In the perusing we discover that the distorted terms that are, consent, refusal, and solicitation are utilized in the thinking procedure about a person in this specific circumstance.That is why it is extremely important to understand the difference in sex and gender for the better of society; Sex tends to relate to biological differences and “Gender” refer to the role of a male or female in society, known as a gender role, or an individual’s concept of themselves, or gender identity. There is a lot of people that has a binary gender perspective assumes that only men and women exist, obscuring gender diversity and erasing the existence of people who do not identify as men or women. This plays an important role because if we don’t understand it we communicate bad and can be offensive toward some people. For example, imagine asking a lesbian couple, who is the man in the relationship? This pushes binary roles into a non-heterosexual relationship. However, with that being said that does not mean that everyone will have that perspective. Adopting an alternate strategy Kukla rather investigates the sexual exchange of language; In the event that we can talk all the more unreservedly about sex without it being viewed as outstanding to be examined, at that point response’s towards it will reduce and we’ll have the option to perceive how someone else would communicate.Sex ought to be an action that is delighted in by those who take part in it unreservedly, the referencing of a protected word bodes well when it comes down to stopping everything to an end, concocting reasons to stop, why they should stop, and can at last appropriate mental fortitude to the individuals who might be apprehensive; regardless of whether the individual assents previously, when it is possible that one no longer assents there shouldn’t be an issue ending what they are doing. It was additionally referenced that the manner in which we state something can and might be interpreted in an incorrect manner, a case of this, can be a smile or having a meaningful discussion with somebody may think you are being a play with them. Saying something a specific way could even cause it to appear as though you are questioning, vexed, addressing, or in any event, shouting at the individual. We must be cautious in the manners we impart and approach things since anything we state can be effectively misread or confused. Communication is something we utilize constantly yet don’t really focus on when we really express ourselves; we do it without being aware. We need to be more careful of how we communicate and how we said things, body language also plays a part because we can be saying something ,but conveying something different with out body.

A major problem in our society is the stereotypical norms that are placed on gender. To the point that anyone that goes against the grain is seen as unusual and are often targets for bullying. The biological theological approach to gender suggests that the physical attributes contribute to certain traits of each gender. The text gives the example of a woman being seen as the caretaker for the child because she carries it in the womb, which is something that society usually follows along with. The text also compares testosterone with aggression and risk taking which are traits society believes men have. Stereotype threat is something that can affect gender norms. If women learn that men’s brains are bigger this might lead them to believe that they are inferior or less smarter than men. Biology really does not seem to be a good factor for gender identity. It is proven because in this world we have unique differences between all people no matter how they identify.

Psychological theory shows that gender can be influenced through experiences as a child especially through relationships. The Freud theory is something that I completely disagree with. I don’t believe that a boy needs to identify with their father and a girl needs to identify with their mother to develop normally. People raised by two parents of the same gender can turn out very normal and well nourished just the same. 

The cultural theory makes a lot of sense to me. The way a child is raised, what a child learns outside of their family, what they see from society can influence gender a lot.

Lily Myers’, “Shrinking Women” connected a lot with me. I have brothers and I see the difference with how they can act vs how I feel I’m allowed to act. In my opinion the world is more accommodating for them to be more outgoing and share their opinions. While as women we tend to have to watch what we say and how we say it. 

Binaries are two different things that are seen as just facts. We mostly see this concept with gender. With this view men and women cannot integrate. They are seen as completely different and do not share common traits together. 

I think in certain cultures a lot of emphasis is placed on biological sex. As the text explains, we are often judged by our outward appearance. For example, if you appear to be a woman people often asume that you are attracted to the opposite sex, only have traits that are categorized under female and etc. This is because a lot of us do live in a hetoronormative society. We are just now learning to look beyond biology. 

However, it is important to note that not everyone fits into the binary system. Sex that is assigned at birth can be different from gender identity. This is the case for transgendered people. They can be born a woman and identify as a man. There are also people who don’t identify as any of these two categories. 

One of the subjects that I found very interesting were people who were born with sex variations. It is something that doesn’t get talked about a lot. What I found sad to read was how parents decide the gender and have doctors operate on them at childhood. I find this very inhumane because the child doesn’t get a chance to choose or even figure out what their true gender identity is. We can see that the binary system erases a lot of different identities. Transgendered people and intersex are two prominent groups that get excluded from this perspective. 

Heterosexual is seen as the norm in society and do hold a privilege over other sexualities. An example of this is that people apart of the LGBT community did not get the basic human right to marry who they want until 2015 in the United States. They still fave a lot of discrimination to this day. In certain states business owners are able to refuse services to these people. A lot of times gay people don’t even have the opportunuty to adopt children.

Understanding the difference in sex and gender. Sex tends to relate to biological differences. Gender can refer to the role of a male or female in society, known as a gender role, or an individual’s concept of themselves, or gender identity. usually transgender refers to a person whose gender identity is not aligned with their assigned birth sex and seek surgical producer. However, there is a lot of people that has a binary gender perspective assumes that only men and women exist, obscuring gender diversity and erasing the existence of people who do not identify as men or women. Furthermore, this view fails to account for human intervention. As human beings, we have an impact on the social arrangements of society. This has lead to many issues in society when it comes to equality for the trans community. It is unfortunate for the assaults and crimes that are targeted against the LGBTQ community. They have been oppressed and dehumanize through history. For example, McDonald was arrested and charged with second-degree intentional murder all because she tried to defend herself. It all started when a group of at least four white people outside a bar began harassing McDonald and her friends, calling the group, all of whom were African American, “niggers” , “faggots” and   even saying “look at that boy dressed like a girl tucking her dick in. It is very evident that McDonald was a victim and it was never seen as a big deal, refusing to give medical treatment. Because she is transgender, it was automatically assume that McDonald will be sent to a men’s prison. The state did its own determination of McDonald’s gender showing the ignorance and suffering of African American transgender. McDonald was African American and trans, maybe if McDonald were Caucasian things would have gone vastly different regardless of whether they were a trans. its a disgrace that McDonald despite everything was detained as she battled for his life in self preservation, the system ruled his voice out . Race and sexual orientation accompanies privileges that multiple occasions can be unjustified, and some aren’t advantaged which prompts an absence of equity.

Furthermore, people who consider themselves as normal most definitively has privilege compare to someone who consider themselves as transgender. The terms utilized like cis sexual orientation is alluded to an individual recognizing as the sex they were relegated during childbirth. In the perusing it discussed benefit of cis sexual orientation individuals and trans. The individuals who decided to be named as cis sexual orientation have a superior possibility of being acknowledged and called ordinary instead of being marked extraordinary. This proves that the oppression and discrimination of normal people toward transgender has led to many issues in society when it comes to equality for the trans community. It is unfortunate for the assaults and crimes that are targeted against the LGBTQ community.

Elizabeth Bell and Daniel Blaeuer in “PERFORMING GENDER AND INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION RESEARCH” explain us how gender roles are the process in which a culture or society determines rights, responsibilities, and the identities of men and women in relation to one another and continued this process by the transfer of stereotypes. Everybody who is living in society is acting according to his/her gender roles and gender identity assigned by society in his/her communication with others and this exchanging information are based in alignment with his/her gender identity. Then, someone’s gender identity in interpersonal relationships possesses an impact on the development of the relationship confirmed.

The authors describe Interpersonal communication is the process by which people exchange messages and feelings between them through verbal and non-verbal communications.  These Interpersonal communications between people are influenced by cultural background, lived experiences, consciousness or belief of someone. Therefore, stereotypes about gender identity take a major part in the communication process.

Gender identity stereotypes are created according to society’s norms and gender roles, and the existence of these bias are challenged as interpersonal communication obstacle in some cases. It is really important to address stereotypes about the gender identity because of its effects on in interpersonal processes. Gender difference and inequality forced by gender relations, originates relationship between individuals to be inconsistent and inequal. And If the interpersonal communication procedure takes place between people who are not in equal positions, the idea carried by the source does not reach the potential, it is going to result as the casualty effects on personnel may be delayed and what was engaged for the communication process are acquired.

The formation of the basis for gender identity stereotypes make a distinction between men and women by actions and especially when regarded as indicative of character

forms, and role expectations. These stereotypes are made from the moment as a first impression of an individual, and directly impact the interpersonal communication process. Thus, the stereotypes may result as fence barriers for the interpersonal communication process and lead to an impossible interpersonal communication or a miscommunication

Rebecca Kukla’s “Sex Talks”, definitely really unraveled and elucidated just how complex the language of sex is in an actual sexual environment. While reading we learn that the oversimplified terms that are, consent, refusal, and request are used in the thinking process of an individual in this particular situation. Taking a different approach Kukla instead analyzes the sexual negotiation of language; if we can talk more freely about sex without it being considered outlandish to be discussed, then reaction’s towards it will decrease and we’ll be able to see how another person would express themself. Sex should be an activity that is enjoyed by all of those who engage in it freely, the mentioning of a safe word makes a lot of sense when it comes down to ceasing everything to a halt, making up excuses to stop, why they should stop, and can ultimately distribute courage to those who would be afraid; even if the person consents beforehand, once either one no longer consents there shouldn’t be a problem halting what they are doing. It was also mentioned that the way we say something can and may be interpreted in a wrong way, an example of this, can be a grin or having a long conversation with someone may think you are being a flirt with them. Saying something a certain way could even make it seem like you are doubting, upset, questioning, or even yelling at the person. We have to be careful in the ways we communicate and approach things because anything we say can be easily misread or misinterpreted. Communication is something we use all the time but don’t necessarily pay attention to when we actually communicate; we do it subconsciously (in my opinion). When communicating we need to pay more attention to the tones, way, details, and the amount of force we use when actually communicating because these points/subjects are vital to communication.

“Sex Talks” by Rebecca Kukla, unveils and explains the complexity of language in a sexual environment. We learn very soon that requests, consent and refusal are some of the over simplified terms to explain the thinking process of an individual in these situations. Instead Kukla takes a different approach by analyzing the sexual negotiation of language. This is pragmatics, which analyzes language not only through a word definition lens but rather all factors that influence this language in any way. Let’s first take a look at felicity and propriety norms, these two influence language. Felicity norms are matters needed to be completed in order for words to achieve their purpose. Propriety norms make a speech situationally appropriate therefore as stated by Kukla, “Different speech acts with different force can enable or undetermine ethical, pleasurable, autonomous sex”. Kukla makes 3 important notes of oversimplification, “Consenting typically involves letting someone else do something to you… it puts the requester in the active position and the one who consents in a passive position…much of our sexual communication isn’t about asking for sex and agreeing to it…autonomous, willing participation is necessary for ethical sex but is not sufficient..”. Instead we can approach these situations as an invitation or gift. An invitation needs to be appropriate and it allows the invitee to either deny or accept the invitation freely. A gift is freely given and it is most common among longer relationships. Both approaches need to be felicitous and the following sums up a sexual environment as a gift, “Gifts, by nature, cannot be demanded or even requested. If you ask me to indulge some sexual desire of yours, then my doing so is not a gift but the granting of a favor. A gift must be designed to please the recipient; it might not actually succeed in pleasing, but an offering that is not expected to please is not actually a gift. It is also essential to gift-giving that the recipient need not accept the gift. Gifts that are accepted call for both gratitude and reciprocation from the receiver” (Kukla). This is more or less a desired approach to sex but clear escape words and phrases need to be used to escape an environment that is no longer pleasing. 

“Performing Gender and Interpersonal Communication Research” by Elizabeth Bell and Daniel Blaeuer, explains a different approach to gender. Gender as a binary system has been established by society and we have been provided with evidence in previous readings to conclude that this binary system is oppressive. This scholarly research aims to analyze gender as being performative. This is a  very important aspect to look at because it literally contradicts all of society’s norms. Saying gender is performative means it is an act, that all we do is on the basis of this specific gender that we were assigned. I think there is currently more openness on the view of gender but I’d like for you to think about the many ways in which your behavior both correlates with traditional gender norms and which ways it does not. This will allow a better understanding on how much behavior is influenced by a category you were assigned.