Author: Elba Leon

Elba Leon: Final project/memoir

Elba Leon

 I thought my parents were heroes, happy, flawless individuals. I mean they came with literally nothing but the clothes on their backs. When I was younger, say around eight years old, I truly believed that nothing could happen to them. We would be the “American dream” I mean I didn’t actually think the words the American dream, I had no idea what that even meant. I was not exposed to so many places around the country, not even the English language until preschool. Then my life changed for the worse, I had a hard time in school, at home, and to be honest I did not have any friends.

 The problem did not start externally, the media, and society did not ruin it for me. In fact, it was my own parents. I saw how emotionally abusive my father was towards my mother. When he first said he was leaving our family, I was in fourth grade, he decided it was a great idea to start threating he was going to leave us. At the time I was extremely heart broken, that’s just what a child thinks at the time. But now I take my time and I mean how dare he you know. I mean sure I understand divorces happen everywhere, no one should stay married or have to live with each other if there is so much toxicity. But how could he say all those things when he knows that he is the breadwinner of an undocumented immigrant family. Sure, my brother and I are born in the U.S but they aren’t, something happens and who knows if we’re going to be ripped apart since both could be deported. Do we end up in foster care? With our uncles? Or do we leave with them? I mean did my father does not care about us when he hits us or yells at us and broken walls, tvs, phones. My mother wanted him to leave but time and time again this happened, and months would go by and we wouldn’t speak to him until things cleared up and it would happen again.

The way my father has acted towards us, his immediate family, truly has shaped the way I am. When I was in middle school, he pulled the same trick, “I’m leaving”. That pushed me to become depressed, I actually couldn’t handle it, I was bullied at school, didn’t have a group of friends I could count on, I was so unstable, yet again because of my father. Time flew by and I was happy when I went to high school, finally I thought out of that middle school, I made so many friends and I was winning awards for being one of the best on the swim team, transferred to another school, kept making more friends, more awards, and joined clubs, sports, the orchestra. I mean I was absolutely happy. My father comes out of the blue with his famous phrase “I’m leaving” I was tired of it. Absolutely done with his manipulation, for me it seemed that whenever I was so happy, and the family was peaceful his anxiety or whatever it is rushed him to say that we would be abandoning us. At that moment I told him straight to his face that I was done and that the door was there so he could leave whenever he wanted to. He did not have the courage to leave after he saw that I would not cave this time and let him manipulate me. The same way Ijeoma A.in “Because you’re a girl” told her cousin to “do it your damned self” the utter shock and disapproval look and vibe he gave me after I told him to leave.

I mean I was never truly happy deep down. My parents’ marriage seemed like a soap opera. My father is an alcoholic, he will truly never stop being one, sad to say but that is the truth. My mother always being pushed around emotionally by him, she’s fiery and resilient but I cannot handle this anymore and that is why whenever there is an argument, I need to speak up. I’m tired of holding my feelings in.

My true inspiration, motivation, and my drive to be the most successful person I could be is my mother. One thing that I could say so proud is getting able to do a study abroad program during high school. I heard about it my first year of high school and it lit my eyes up but I knew that we would not be able to afford it. Nor my Hispanic parents would let me go because they would not even let go to a sleepover at my cousin’s house in Elmhurst. I mean I was extremely persistent with my school and the program that’s a trait that my mother has encouraged me to have, she grew that little flame I always had. I wrote essays and was in touch with the people that allowed me this opportunity and I was able to go, received a scholarship for seven thousand dollars all I had to do was pay for my flight. This was one of my victories I am proud to say because who would think the daughter of immigrants would have the opportunity to do such a thing. This experience truly meant the world to me, to stay an entire month in another continent it was my second time flying out of the country, I barely know what the U.S. has to offer. I met 50 people from the whole nation, stayed with a host mom and their daughter and made a close friend group that I absolutely adore.

Just like in module nine, the “nuclear family” limits other members to be recognized a legitimate family. For example just like “Beyond Sex Marriage: A New Strategic Vision For All Our Families & Relationships” brings out to advocate for other structures of families. Families do not have to be romantic. They can be platonic, for instance grandparents with their grandchildren, close friends, siblings, and care givers. That’s what I acquired when I went onto high school a second family. My friends like Aaliyah, Adrianna, and Jordan are so close to me and I keep them close as my definition of family since my father ruined my perspective on what it means to be a biological one. The funny part is that my child psychology professor told us to take an attachment theory test and the results were not shocking to me but the way my father paints it to others is that were the best family and that he’s the perfect father. My attachment theory came out to be secure because my mother took part in that and that’s how my connection is with my mom and friends and my father and relationships give me fearful avoidant. Secure attachment means that an individual feels connected, trusting, confident and let individuals have independence but caring as well. The fearful avoidant attachment style affects individuals by making them live in a state of being afraid of being both too close or to distant from other individuals.

Throughout my whole life I have seen my mother go from feeling oppressed to feeling more comfortable in her own skin and being able to stand up to my father. My mother implemented the eating lunch/dinner at the table around three pm every day since I was a baby so she would cook these typical Mexican dishes that are absolutely delicious, and my father would always complain why he had to eat greens and vegetables and then when I was in middleschool/highschool he complained when there weren’t any vegetables or mixed greens at the table, if the food was not salty or too salty for his liking. I always thought the food was spot on delicious, anything my mother made I knew it was going to be good. My father made everyone insane especially when he would drink. I mean this man chugged the whole bottle of don Julio on one occasion and we woke up to find him on the floor the next day. Covid definitely had such a major impact on us that we order food from the 311 food for NYC program, and he can eat whatever he wants or whatever there is to eat, and she no longer worries if he’s going to like the food or not.

Also, the pandemic has pushed us to find ways to make money, I started to sell my lightly used items on an app that is called depop. My mom works as a housekeeper at this five-story brownstone. And My mom’s attitude about money is so smart, she said she will be budgeting our household in order to have some savings and if another pandemic occurs or if were in this situation much longer we have something to fall on. Which we have to hide from our father because he’s so toxic that 20 years ago when my mother started a college fund for me and my brother my father said it was useless and drained the account.

Now I just hope with time my life just keeps moving forwards and I prosper into what I am meant to do. My mother keeps being such a motivation for me and what has stuck with me the most, is how my mother mentions to me that I should be my own priority. Which is what has made become such a strong, persistent, and bright person. We evolve and that is what I take from this marriage, sure it traumatized me, but it left we with that message. It only means I can go up from here. I want to work in the mental/public health sector. I would definitely would like to work with individuals and becoming a therapist, social worker, or a patient representative. Which might just be another way that reflects that I had endured so much and that I would definitely want to be there for others.

*letter*

*My goals in life is honestly to be happy, yes it does sound cliché, however that doesn’t matter to me. I do nails that makes me happy, I ride my bicycle that makes me happy, I help others that makes me happy. I want to do constant things that make me happy. I also definitely understand that I have to have sad moments. I see it painted in a way a graph is. There is a happy line and if that is all we know, well it gets pretty pointless and that is the mundane, throw in some sad or frustrating moments and that is the balance that is needed to understand that the feeling needs to be there and a constant push and pull in order for me to feel like its normal. My goal in this final project is to finally write down the way my home life has been, and it being seen. I also think honesty is working just fine in this project.

I think I’m a little clueless on what else to add. I feel like I’m the type of person when someone says one word it triggers thousands of different responses. Maybe the clarity or the timeline is something I could definitely work on. I have the main idea how my home life has been the exact opposite of the American dream. But I also know that I haven’t had it the worse and its not a pity party I just like mentioning a lot. Any pointers on where I should expand or what I should not include would be greatly appreciated, as to sometimes I don’t realize if I have rambled, or it was transferred from my brain to paper the way I wanted to.

Elba Leon: DB # 13

From the workshop conducted by Victoria and Robert, the take away from the healthy relationships consisted of using my own experiences to learn what is the proper way to have a healthy relationship. Victoria and Robert placed an emphasizes on communication and on healthy coping habits.

I learned that the family dynamics in my household are so messed up and that in my own and future relationships I have to use my communication skills and expand on them. Also I thought I was a little crazy when my friend that I knew since I was nine until seventeen started to act very very negatively to me. It obviously was building up and I learned that it is alright to outgrow people and drop them when they are soooo toxic. Ive never regretted that decision.

Elba Leon: essay #4

What is family? A societal construct or is mainly biological. Well family is what an individual would like it to be. Can consist of blood relatives or friends who have gotten so close and chosen to accept each other. Sometimes those who are too close to us are the ones who are the ones who do not treat each other like family should. One can say well who is supposed to determine how a family treats each other. Just to start off with a basic amount of respect and dignity and sometimes that just does not happen.

Feminists and queer interventions challenge the idea of the “nuclear family” which is mostly just seen as a mom, dad, and their children. These ideas are challenged because who is society to say what families are the ideal. When every family is working, and it does not matter the components. The “nuclear family” limits other members to be recognized a legitimate family. For example, just like “Beyond Sex Marriage: A NEW STRATEGIC VISION FOR ALL OUR FAMILIES & RELATIONSHIPS” brings out to advocate for other structures of families. Families do not have to be romantic. They can be platonic, for instance grandparents with their grandchildren, close friends, siblings, and care givers.

Families can be composed of a mom and a mom, a dad and a dad, single moms, single dads, and the heteronormative couples. The visions that exist for the ways that families can be formed without restraint is that this would definitely help LGBTQ community since it breaks a barrier of the stigma within society.

My thoughts on family structure start with the basis that does not matter what sex is raising the children, as long as the children and the rest of the family has a strong foundation the children will grow up in a nurturing environment. I also agree with the principles of “Beyond Sex Marriage: A NEW STRATEGIC VISION FOR ALL OUR FAMILIES & RELATIONSHIPS “the concept of marriage should be a path to be closer with the other person.

The media does a really important job because it represents diverse backgrounds in couples and families. Just like the Fosters a television program that depicts two same sex interracial couple with one biological child and four foster children who later in the show are adopted. Our society is changing, slowly but surely. Now it is acceptable to break off from your biological family and embrace a family that has adopted each other. Paris is Burning is a prime example on what it means for the usage of the media. Showing how families are acquired when biological ones wont accept their own.

Structure should be very strong in order to create a strong dynamic family. These intervention offers us space to grow and to accept the views everyone holds. It is not there to halt the growth within the community. Family is a societal construct. It just means that you have a place, a community, individuals who have such a strong bond with each other and have accepted one another for the better or the worst but they can always depend on each other.

Elba Leon: DB#10

  • What do INCITE/Critical Resistance say about why prisons are not the solution for gendered violence? Based on Crenshaw’s talk and (if you watched it), Out in the Night– what evidence can you offer to support their argument?
  • Based on the film(s) you watched, using Crenshaw’s framework of intersectionality, what do you see as the  the role of racism, or other structures of oppression like homophobia, in these stories of misogynistic violence?
  • Based on the film(s) you watched, what do the victim-survivors say about their experience and how are their stories received– by their family/friends/colleagues, the legal system, the media?
  • What questions do YOU want to bring to class for discussion?

Prisons are most definitely not the solution for gendered violence because correctional officers do not meet the highest requirements to do their job as educated as possible. Just as in the film “Out In The Night” one of the women who became an inmate did not feel comfortable in the clothes that the prison deemed for females. For instance the inmate was penalized for wearing shorts underneath. It just proves that gender is institutionalized and in certain places it is censored. Also INCITE provides clarity just like Out in the nIght at the end when one of the women says “Im incarcerated because I protected myself and she is also at risk without carrying a weapon because where she is from the police only arrives when the harm has been done.” It is not fair for these women because society still is very ignorant and if people are against each other and close minded then how are they supposed to protect themselves if they will be punished for it.

Using Crenshaws framework of  intersectionality, the trauma each women has is unique because of different circumstances. One POC does not have the same trauma as another POC just because they share one similarities it is not the blueprint for all.

Based on the film I watched the victims are truly sadden for being incarcerated. They are frustrated because if they would not have defended themselves they would’ve been killed or raped. Their environment had set them up to be on high alert, due to that they lived in Newark. Their friends and family were saddened that they had to serve time. Some of the women lost family members and were not given the proper time or resources to deal with their grief. The legal system definitely let these women down, with technicalities for example the term gang. Three or more people in a fight are considered a gang. The media seemed to have a blast when speaking about these women too. The terms, the headlines, they used gang as if the women were connected to drugs and guns.

Why does society have a hard time accepting we need more human services and social workers in many fields?

Why do people of color not receive the same or consistent resources as their white counterparts?

Elba Leon: DB#9

How do feminist and queer interventions challenge ideas of the “nuclear family?” What do they say are the limits? What other visions do we see for the ways that families can be formed? What are your thoughts about family structure and what these interventions offer us?

Feminists and queer interventions challenge the idea of the “nuclear family” which is mostly just seen as a mom, dad, and their children. These ideas are challenged because who is society to say what families are the ideal. When every family is working and it does not matter the components. The “nuclear family” limits other members to be recognized a legitimate families. For example just like “Beyond Sex Marriage: A NEW STRATEGIC VISION FOR ALL OUR FAMILIES & RELATIONSHIPS” brings out to advocate for other structures of families. Families do not have to be romantic. They can be platonic, for instance grandparents with their grandchildren, close friends, siblings, and care givers.

Families can be composed of a mom and a mom, a dad and a dad, single moms, single dads, and the heteronormative couples. The visions that exists for the ways that families can be formed without restraint is that this would definitely help LGBTQ community since it breaks a barrier of the stigma within society.

My thoughts on family structure start with the basis that I does not matter what sex is raising the children, as long as the children and the rest of the family has a strong foundation the children will grow up in a nurturing environment. I also agree with the principles of “Beyond Sex Marriage: A NEW STRATEGIC VISION FOR ALL OUR FAMILIES & RELATIONSHIPS”the concept of marriage should be a path to be closer with the other person.

Structure should be very strong in order to create a strong dynamic family. These intervention offers us space to grow and to accept the views everyone holds. It is not there to halt the growth within the community.

Elba Leon DB8

Women already have it tough in the workforce environment. To this day there is no such thing as complete equality throughout our nation.According to AAUW, “The Simple Truth About the Gender Pay Gap” in the United States the statistics are clear that women had an unemployment rate during the months of February and April 2020 of 12% compared to the men that was 9%. 

There is a trend to catch in the articles speaking up about the gap that there is in the workforce for people of color. I was very surprised about the data that was presented. I was not informed that in every category, race, there would be a scale of those who earn more and those who earn the minimum. For instance in the article AAPI Women’s Economic Security I was shocked that within the AAPI  women there was discrimination between each country and there was a deascalating scale within the average earnings compared to a dollar of these women. For example a Taiwanese woman could earn $1.21 and a Burmese woman could earn $0.52 and a Korean and Japanese woman come in close to earning $1.00. Once again I was very unaware that this occurred in different races. And to add on, after I read in the article that in order to make up their loss in their wages they have to work harder, longer hours, and multiple jobs. Which is extremely hard on anyone especially a person of color and being a woman of color. 

The podcast  “Domestic Workers Hit Hard by the COVID-19 Pandemic” (13:49) really is saddening and infuriating as well. These domestic workers which include “Those are nannies, house cleaners, home health care workers, and more working in a private home.” These type of people are the people who are the most unprotected and do not have the support of the state or the federal government. They do not qualify for healthcare, those who are immigrants, undocumented women/men of color do not qualify for any stimulus or any unemployment. That is covered when Ai-jen Poo mentions that one of their members had one cent left in her bank account when people who are citizens have received approximately twenty-five thousand dollars for their annual income due to the help that the government has given. Another topic that is mentioned is that these professions are looked upon as less. 

Im very opinionated, especially whenever undocumented or immigrants are mentioned. They are individuals who have needed to give their 200% in order to thrive. My parents are undocumented immigrants and this pandemic hit our family like a nuclear bomb. My father was a restaurant worker near fifth avenue, he lost that job due to the restaurant closing. And my mother was a stay at home mom. But recently she’s a housekeeper. As soon as the pandemic hit we did not have any resources but we started to recycle bottles. The winter hit and we are still recycling bottles, my father was able to get a job as a housekeeper at a synagogue-townhouse and the owners only wanted to pay $13 the hour which is under minimum wage. Which infuriated me because in order to have such a property in the upper west side requires to have $$$. And this also is another proof that employers discredit the work and effort that it is to be a house keeper. Well my dad gave the job to my mother in order for him to search for another job to bring in a little more money to our home.T he labor is intense as a housekeepers. ( there are five floors to clean and it is incredible how tired at the end of the day you feel) I worked for three weeks and it was the worst three weeks due to how labor intensive it is, homework was unmanageable. People definitely need to be seen and given more rights.

my parents recycling – from manhattan to queens
summers hard work of recycling on my bike.

I think everyone needs to hear everyones story, no single human being is one sided. The little things in our community is what paves the way for the future generation. Even if it makes people uncomfortable, that is how we grow! Fighting for equal pay is a fight for everything. Work that is done in our community, the more people acknowledge and speak about these topics is the way we progress. I just want to show that immigrants resort to any means, hard-workers, and they deserve more respect. This post means so much to me since it covers a topic so close to me.

Elba Leon: DB #7

I was incredibly shocked how hateful people could be. Not the type of shock that is found when you don’t understand or are confused. It was a shock that say, “how is this possible?” I cannot wrap my head around the fact that people are so hateful against other beings. First of all, everyone has the right to just exist, to just be. The topic of this week is focused around trans rights and inequalities. It is almost as similar to racism; these aren’t subjecting that individuals are born with. Life experiences and caretakers have played a big role in to why they view the world in the way that they do. The first reading by Vasquez, “It’s Time to End the Long History of Feminism Failing Transgender Women” shows how there are women that are so opposed to the idea that trans women have rights and should be treated with such respect as any other individual. What stood out to me what when Brennan would feel so “threatened” by the fact that she would be mocked with her retrograded ideas and would be called out for what she stood for. That she would go the step ahead to make her stalker move on whoever called her out by outing them to their workplace and home environment. I think she is disgusting even though we live in a country of free speech I think hate speech should be banned. It is disgusting that groups of women are trans-exclusionary feminist; how can you be a feminist and not want equal rights for every individual? It just seems absurd to me. The slides show that other individuals, like certain men fight for that justice to happen for everyone to be considered the way they feel comfortable in.

As the professor said the findings are being carefully viewed to see if there are any cases to prove that cis men will just portray themselves as women in order to create harm, the numbers do not prove that is the case. In the article Transgender People and Bathroom Access having trans inclusiveness is not just an aesthetic it is necessary! Being able to use the bathroom in which they identify as such should not be stressful. Transgender individuals should feel protected. Having bathrooms that are “exclusively” for transgender individuals is not the solution as said in the article. Why should transgender individuals have to “suffer” the consequences of society’s lack of understanding. Having that in effect will definitely be an inconvenience to the community, they will feel insecure to use it. It will definitely raise flags in difficult environments because CIS gender individuals can target those restrooms and attack those who occupy those restrooms. Hence theNYC Executive Order 16 which addresses the importance of having legality involved, if this community is discriminated there will be consequences in the city of New York.

Chase Strangio makes points against the discrimination towards trans athletes in the Edge of Sports Podcast, Chase Strangio on Countering Attacks on Trans Athletes. How is it fair for his two clients who are African American trans athletes to face more discrimination? The white supremacy is already at work and this comes along, it is definitely detrimental towards trans individuals. Each state has its own terms and conditions, laws. And when federal opinions bounce around there is such an inconsistency. I agree with Strangio, politicians sometimes just want to gain something for their personal agenda that they do not take in mind how much pain they are creating for others.

I also wanted to add that the slides and youtube video combined made it easier for me to focus! It worked great no glitches or any problem, I hope you continue to do this format!

Elba Leon: DB #5

Pick 2-3 of the major themes from this week’s readings (and film) and write about them. You can use the questions that I wrote for each reading as a guide to the themes.

Using quotes from the readings (or scenes from the film), write about the critiques, analysis, and vision that women of color feminists from this time period were engaging. What are your thoughts about their writing? Do you see these issues as resonant today, or do you feel as though they are no longer relevant? Be specific.

The theme of the readings include the duality of culturally complex women and the obstacles that women faces because of racism.

In the reading by Anzaldúa “La Conciencia de la Mestiza: Towards a New Consciousness” Anzaldúa expresses the duality that being from multiple cultures it allows more exposure to ideas. It starts off explains that it is a good form to understand many cultures and what they mean. As well Anzaldua includes the term mestizo/a which is inclusivity showcasing the high level of intellect to connect both cultures and analyze both very critically and still be submerged in those cultures. 

“The new mestiza copes by developing a tolerance for contradictions, a tolerance for ambiguity. She learns to be an Indian in Mexican culture, to be a Mexican from an Anglo point of view. She learns to juggle cultures. She has a plural personality, she operates in a pluralistic model nothing is thrust out, the good the bad and the ugly, nothing rejected, nothing abandoned.” 

In my point of view it is beautiful the way that people have more than one culture. There is more of an acceptance of the culture now however that does not get rid of the colonizer history that underlies. 

Being a Chicano and a mestiza meant you were to be familiarized with the cultures of the United States and the Hispanic  with indigenous culture.  Not only society was different for every single culture but the individual needs to fit in. In order to feel comfortable in their atmosphere the individual must know the “rules” and the customs of each culture.

In another way I’m not shown much Indio culture from my Mexican parents from Oaxaca, and I would love to go to Mexico and other Hispanic/Latinos country. There is so much culture. It is oozing out from everywhere and it is beautiful but it also has its ugly side, the machismo for instance.

In the poem by Carillo, “And When You Leave, Take Your Pictures With You” the theme is the against women of color. The poem simplistically says white women like to have women of color as a keepsake. The image of them, the idea of them. Women of color are used as fetish and when the white women has to finally interact with a women of color they are dissatisfied with the outcome.

“And when our white sisters radical friends see us in the flesh not as a picture they own. They are not quite as sure if they like us as much. We’re not as happy as we look on their wall.”