Claudia Domfeh-osafo
Women gender studies
Being a ghanain woman in my family comes with a lot of expectations for me to follow. [GREAT opening; it tells us something about who you are and what this memoir is going to be about.] I am oppressed in many ways but yet I benefit from them [What is “them” here?] . My family apart from my mother also have expectations from me, to the point that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Not following expectations from my family leads to consequences. I’ve seen first hand how my family reacted to a family member that did not follow expectations, that has made me fearful of breaking rules. [–> Here you are sharing the stakes, why this is important to you.]
I remember being around the age of 13 and my mother and I having a conversation on how I should carry myself as a young lady. My expectations— [are these your expectations of yourself or what others expect from you?] of being a woman is to dress respectfully, meaning not showing too much skin, not dressing provocatively. I asked my mother why I have these expectations. She began to say that it was because of the home we come from. My mother was raised the same way and she told me that if someone was supposed to see me like that, they would think that i didn’t come from a home and i don’t respect myself. My expectations are more than just clothes, it’s more of a representation of my family and meI. I am not allowed to have tattoos or smoke, or drink and party till like 12:00 Am, not saying i want to, but in my family if you have or do either or they will view you as a thug or someone who is not educated (see note 1 below). Same for piercings and long colorful nails. I can have a piercing but it has to be one and appropriate size, not huge hoop earrings. As for nails, it definitely can not be long and colorful. If you have long nails in my family that means you can’t cook or clean because you’re not able to with those nails, which means you’re not a woman. To elaborate on the quote not a woman (see note 2 below), a woman is supposed to clean and cook in the house, so if you don’t do that you’re worthless in your own home, according to my family. Having colorful nails is not acceptable, as a woman you should on have neutral colors, nothing that stands out, that is unlady like. As for my hair, I am allowed to have any hair style I want but nothing crazy, such as colorful hair or a mohawk, things of that sort are not allowed in my family. If I was supposed to show that to my elder family members back home they would look at me in disgust. (see note 3 below)
I have discussed the things i shouldn’t do as a women, as a ghanain women I am required to do certain things. I was taught to clean and cook because when I get married and have children it will be required to do that. I am supposed to dress respectfully, meaning cover up everything. I am supposed to wear either heels or flats, skirts or dresses and pants are ok and shorts but not too short. My nails have to be short and neutral colored. As for my hair it can be styled any way, if i want to dye my hair it has to be black, since my hair is a light brown, no other color is allowed. I am expected to go to school and finish college and have a successful career. When I choose a partner he also has to be going to school and finishing college and also look presentable. If my partner does not have all the qualities that my family wants, it will look really bad on me. (see note 4 below)
I remember going to Ghana a year ago and meeting my family. When I arrived at my grand uncle’s home, I remember covering my ears because I was scared that he was going to see that I have two piercings in my ear. When I was around the whole family they were asking questions about my life and what I am doing. I made sure to tell them that I was in college to become a psychologist. At first they didn’t look happy, so i made sure to tell them the details on how i was going to get my M.D and become a licensed psychiatrist that prescribed medicine to the patient. My family began to say “oh so you’re going to college to become a doctor” out of all i said they just heard about doctors, they didn’t care about the field i was working on, they just expected me to become a doctor with a successful career. So I just told them yes. Everybody was happy and telling me that they are proud of me and I’m becoming the woman they expect me to be. There was this one incident where i was not conscious of what i was wearing. My grandmother saw it and said I looked like a mad man because I had ripped jeans on. Another time I had a maxi dress and she told me to take it off and put something else on because the back was showing too much. I Began to feel really bad about how I was dressing and began to be more conscious than I was before on my appearance.
I never knew what the major consequences would happen if one of the females did not follow the expectations until I saw first hand what my family did to my aunt. My aunt was 16 years old when she had my little cousin. That has to be one of the worst things to do in the family because to the outside world she seems like a fast woman trying to do grown up things, which will make the family look bad. Not only did she have a baby at 16 she also did not finish school and as of right now she kind of goes to men to men and her daughter that is 18 right now does the same online. My family knows that they are that way and have shunned her and her daughter. (see note 5 below)After seeing the way my family treats my aunt and cousin made me more scared into breaking expectations. I want to feel accepted, my family not shunned. It will break my heart if that was the case with me.
Even though i do not break my expectations and follow everything my family expects from me, I can’t help but to ask, if i was suppose to wear sneakers and not go to college and possibly worked in fast food restaurant with long colorful nails and purple hair, have tattoos and a nose piercing does that mean i’m not a women. I understand not drinking and not smoking and some other things but to exclude your family member because they made a mistake is not fair , not only that it makes it scary to be around my family because i’m constantly second guessing myself. A lot of expectations have benefited me like cooking and cleaning because now I am independent and don’t need anybody to do things for me. (see note 6 below)Being a woman is more than appearance or choice of career, it’s about a mindset being independent and just being respectful to others and yourself.
- My goal for this essay was to show people what my expectations are as a woman and if someone could possibly relate to me. Seeing how it makes you feel and how we as women go about it because we try to be accepted than be rejected by others.
- In my opinion I think I did well on explaining specifics on what my expectations are and how I’m fearful of not following them.
- I think I need to improve on elaborating more. I think some points that I have made were quite vague but in general I feel like I explained everything very well.
