Expectations and requirements go hand in hand with one another. In order to be apart of something you must have the requirements of certain characteristics and therefore must be expected to meet them. As a female, I was taught like many young girls to be the perfect housewife and to cook and clean all the way to my deathbed. I was told to act properly, like a “lady”, to be more lady like, to close my legs, to eat less so I’ll stay “skinny and thin”. All these feminine expectations were required because of a simple chromosome difference. Ijeoma A and C. J. Pascoe talk about these expectations that are placed on boys and girls that society has deemed normal in their books “Because You’re a Girl” and “Dude You’re A Fag”.
Like Ijeoma, I yearn for my family’s approval, I made the best effort to behave and act as they wanted. Sometimes that would consist biting my tongue and holding back the urge to scream and yell “this isn’t fair, why must I be treated differently because of my gender?!” I would be lying if I said I have never thought of what life was like if I were born as a boy. As an Asian American, I was taught countless times about the importance of the position of power in the household. Being Chinese, it was known that in China many Chinese families preferred sons over daughters because they had the ability to earn more economy. Therefore males were seen as business men and workers whereas females were seen as housewives and cooks. Ijeoma was also taught a similar belief from her family as well, her parents,
“uncles and aunts had Four Commandments incorporating what a woman’s responsibilities were to her family 1. Her office is the kitchen. 2. She is responsible for all the chores in the home. 3. She is accountable for the children and their actions. 4. And, of course, she must pledge complete and total allegiance to the man in charge first, before herself” (Ijeoma 216).
Although we come from different cultures and background it is clear that male dominance and female submission is universal throughout the globe. Similarly, life is never easy on both ends and sometimes ideas and values can be toxic.
We promote female submission as much as we a society promote male masculinity. Male dominance is seen as much as female subordinates in our daily lives and is implemented into movies, videos, music and/or in skits. In most music videos today, we tend to see females being sexualized and subjected to the male performer while they are shown as strong, powerful and masculine. Pascoe opens up her book with a scene from the Mr. Cougar competition to present and illustrate the “dynamics of sexuality, gender, social class, race, bodies, and institutional practices that constitute adolescents masculinity” (Pascoe 3). In the scene, Brent and Craig acted weak when they showed no form of masculinity, therefore showing the connection between the two while also promoting the idea of male dominance. After working out, “the boys shed their weak, effeminate, and possibly homosexual identities.. [and] become so physically imposing” (Pascoe 3). This entails the idea that if you look masculine and strong, you therefore hold power, if you are shown as weak and feminine, you in turn laughed/mocked at and looked down upon. The thought of connecting these two ideas together continues to promote male masculinity subconsciously.
As we continue to embed the fundamental ideas of male dominance and female subordinates into our society, we continue to allow unjust and unfair treatment to many who have received backlash from these customs like Ijeoma. Instead we should allow individuals to be themselves as they truly are without the influence or pressure of conforming to societies standards and expectations. By allowing more viewpoints into our society we will be able to grow into a more diverse community that is open to new ideas and new perspectives like the LGPTQ+ community. By doing so we continue to fight against labels and oppression caused by these corruptive ideas.
