Category: Gender Identity Project

Gender Identity Project Stephany Pineda Cardoso

I looked up and around, women all so efficiently coordinated to get the job done. Living in a small apartment in Puebla, my four aunts worked, did chores, and took care of their children, all single mothers, except one, who never left her room. I saw women walking in and out, one side led to the kitchen and the other led to a comal bigger than my 6 year old self, where flames blazed as if it’s purpose was to eat the hands that flipped the freshly made tortillas. What a bravery I thought, as I slowly bit into a tortilla watching in amazement. 

I looked around; we were traveling in a van full of men for what seemed to be days. My mother’s legs carried a bump that occupied my pillow space. I became angry, but my mother looked into my eyes and hugged me, reassuring me that her love for me would never end. Finally, we arrived in a house full of tough, tall, big belly men. And as we settled in a room a young woman entered. Her tears endlessly fell, my mother hugged her as if she were me, and my 7-year-old self watched them as I slowly faded into sleep. Our field trip came to an end, or so I thought. We arrived at my aunt’s house, but we were soon told we needed to move out. I looked up worried, but my mom described a beautiful place to look forward to, which made me forget that when I looked around, we were sleeping on someone’s kitchen floor.

I looked up, we were smiling, chatting, and laughing. I held her hand, strolling in our new neighborhood where we finally had a room to call ours. I looked around and then back, suddenly I was several feet away from my mom, my eyes locked onto her figure. He was hurting her. I entered a state of shock. I wanted to tell him to stop, to scream, to punch him and kick him, but my body and voice felt as if it had been tied and threatened by fear. All I could hear was my mother’s yelling, asking for help. Her gray handbag refused to let go of her arm, and her hand refused to let go of the stroller. I clicked back into reality when he started running away. I ran towards my mom in need of a hug, I was scared and confused but she reassured me like always.

The time came where I no longer looked up, but instead I looked at myself and then around. “Critical theories emphasize the role broad cultural institutions and norms play in the construction and maintenance of gender” (DeFrancisco, Victoria and Catherine), these played a big part in who I thought I was supposed to be and who I wanted to be seen as. I was trying to understand who I was through society’s norms. In relation to my gender this happened when I became a girlfriend, I saw other traditional examples of what women did towards their loved one, and I tried to imitate. I was not aware of my gender experiences until now, and not because my grandfather recently pointed at my “inadequate” decision as a woman to cut my hair, but because I now understand my past experiences.

Gender roles assign an expectative to a specific gender or sex (Sonja K. Foss). All my aunts defied traditional gender roles. One of them never left her room because she silently grieved her boyfriend’s death. The bravery of my aunts to dip their hands in fire and rescue a tortilla is nothing more than a womanly role to many. The young woman my mom consoled, was crying because she had just experienced a man being stabbed. My long field trip wasn’t just another vacation, but it was when I crossed the border. I can now see the resilience and power of my mother, to withstand the heat in the car, and my complaints of this bump, that ended up being my sister. I learned that we needed to move soon after arriving in the U.S because my uncle had physically abused my aunt. My mother’s strength to confront someone significantly taller in front of her children, and still not break down just to give me reassurance is unbelievable.

All my life I saw women as a representation of strength and power. My ideas of what it means to be a woman were psychologically built, “psychoanalytic theories call attention to how unconscious thoughts and memories influence a person’s identity, actions and beliefs” (DeFrancisco, Victoria and Catherine). My gendered experience was additionally intersectional, my culture, social class and immigration status had to do with my gendered experience. My current beliefs were triggered by early childhood experience. I have learned that if I indeed viewed women and men as equal, I would not mind letting go of this gender binary system. A gender binary system is made of two socially constructed categories, (one who is always more powerful). The history and challenges women face carry a heavy weight, getting rid of this binary system in my mind means invalidating the power and strength of a woman. I have recognized, upheld, and feel proud of women’s success because of their unique and difficult challenges, but because I have not experienced an identity formation of a man or know of their unique challenges, I devalue them unconsciously. As I spoke with communication professor Whitney, she stated that gender is not meant to be completely abolished but rather other definitions are supposed to be implemented so that we eliminate this binary system. But because of the social learning theory, which is the idea that gender is a learned behavior constructed by the analyzing of others (DeFrancisco, Victoria and Catherine), and that gender is a performance as stated by Judith Butler, I believe that the behavior associated with each gender will always be problematic. Remembering gender by history and unique challenges in effort to eliminate it might be more successful, but of course I will have to educate myself further to make such claims. I know that as humans our experiences are both powerful and meaningful. I cannot highlight the power of a woman (despite their everyday discrimination and challenges) without recognizing the depression and silence men go through because society’s norms (critical/cultural structure). If I think of people as humans with complex experiences, I can better understand the foundation of identity formation.

 

Nyoka Foster Gender Identity Project

Gender identity is a subject with complexities.

The social customs of my environment has influenced my gender identity. I identify with my gender-assignment. In other words, I am a cis-gendered, heterosexual woman. I was up in a Heteronormative culture and household. A Heteronormative culture assumes people within society are attracted to the opposite sex. In the Caribbean, it is taboo to say otherwise and challenge the gender identity norms constructed. If a child is born with a vagina, they will be labeled female and will take an interest in the male gender; Vice versa.

I don’t remember questioning my assigned gender but, I  remember challenging it. From an early age, I identified myself as a female. I just knew I wasn’t a girly girl. I was labeled as a tomboy because I was rough, tall, and all I wore were pants. I did not share the same interest as the other girls in my class. While they were forming their girl groups and playing with lip gloss, I was playing sports with the guys. I did not take any real interest in my beauty or boys and it frustrated my mother. (not the boys)  She was all woman, she would get her hair done on a bi-weekly basis, she cooked, clean, raise children, and take care of her husband. My older sister was her prototype and would spend a lot of time on her skin regime. I, on the other hand, was a jokester. I enjoyed riding my scooter and spending time with my dad. 

My parents grew up in an environment where the sex/gender/sexuality system was ingrained. The sex/gender/sexuality system is when society transforms biological sexuality into products of human activity. Which is probably why my mom would always say things like “Act like a lady”.  I find that in most communities, boys are granted more freedom whereas girls are held under a watchful eye and arms reach. Now that I am older, I realize that mom was trying to protect her carefree daughter from potential danger. She also wanted me to represent how well she took care of me whenever I went outside. It’s as if you never really belong to yourself when you’re a child. You have to fulfill your parent’s/family’s dream and society’s interpretation.

I was never a fan of gender roles or expectations. I just wanted to be a kid. I refused to anything my mom would tell me to if it ended with “How are you

going find a husband?”  At 12 years old, the only thing remotely close to a husband at the time was the 5 – 10 cent candies at my favorite bodega. 

I did not aspire to be like the women in my family because I believe they were settling for less. To these women, playing out their feminine role made them great wives, mothers,  and girlfriends. They have been taught to sacrifice themselves time and time again. Although I was young, I knew for sure that this was not what I wanted at all. I even convinced myself that it was best to be alone than to be confined and used in that way. I always wondered if they ever had a voice, and if so where did it go? Why were these women afraid to say no? Why can’t he do it his damn self? Their action is a result of social learning theory. I have realized that these women to shrink themselves because it is all they have known and seen. Social learning is when people learn by observing and imitating others. 

As I approached my adolescent stage, I found myself wanting to conform to what other women were doing. I wanted to fit in with a group of people that represented femininity, normalcy, and in style. I wanted to look and feel feminine. At that particular time, I associated femininity with beauty and the upkeep of beauty. I began to mimic the ways of my older sister and my mother because to me they were the epitome of femininity. I would buy all theses faux jewelry, skincare /beauty products to keep up with these standards. Eventually, I realize that it just wasn’t me. I also learned that femininity has so little to do with performance and strenuous upkeep. It’s more of a feeling. It’s confidence, and comfort for me. It is also acceptance and wellness. Femininity is complexed and it can be defined and embodied in a multitude of ways. This is one of the reasons why I no longer feel confined by it.

 

Michelle Rodriguez Gender & Identity Project

I know based on biological reasons and in keeping with the binary we are taught, I am female. I was born with a vagina, breasts and all my “lady parts” and further I do identify as a female which therefore makes me a cisgender woman. I wholly believe people should be able to express themselves, their gender and identity how they each see fit and without the backlash of those who either don’t understand or those who don’t want to understand one another.

As i’ve stated previously, I grew up with my dad, stepmother, two sisters, one brother and a stepsister. Eventually my stepmother became pregnant with and had my half brother,  many years later. My father is Puerto Rican and my mother is Italian but besides knowing what my nationality is, I did not, until recently, know much about my roots/heritage or about Puerto Rican culture with the exception of eating the food and hearing the language spoken over the years between family members. But even my knowledge on the food of my “people” is superficial at best. And I don’t speak the language, despite my father speaking it.

Growing up with my father also  meant not knowing much of my mother’s family so needless to say I knew less about my Italian culture. My family on my biological mother’s side didn’t really take the time to get to know us. My “grandparents” did not accept my father because of his nationality/race therefore and unfortunately for them, they never got to know us and subsequently our children. And all for what? As recently as ten years ago they got in touch with us and have tried to “make up for lost time” if there even is such a thing. If it wasn’t for social media, some who have reached out in the most recent years probably would not have otherwise. I guess better late than never?

Growing up and ever since I can remember whether or not we were male or female didn’t make a difference to my father. If he needed help whoever was around or closest to him was who he called on. My sisters and I were not “safe” just because we were girls.  My father tried his best to treat us all the same. Part of me believes it is because he was a guy and so teaching teenage girls how to be “young women” wasn’t his strong suit. But he did his best. My stepmother tried, but she was thrust into a situation the she herself wasn’t ready for and at her young age it definitely was more than she expected. So it wasn’t hard to notice the “resentment” at times. That resentment subsided as we got older and ventured of on our own. Further, and for reasons I’ve stated in other posts, my father felt we should learn all we could about anything and everything because the more we knew, the more we didn’t have to depend on anyone but ourselves. If anything, our independence was what was most important to him. All throughout my childhood through to today my father still says to me “you do not need a man.” And he is completely right. We do not need anyone, whether it is a man or woman, as we all are and should be capable of handling any situation we are put in.

My father also always taught us to enjoy life, go to school get a career, get our life together and then if we want to get married and have children, but not a second before. My father placed a great deal of emphasis on us going to school and working. Having our own family was something he considered a plus, not something we had to do and therefore it wasn’t something he “looked” forward too. He looked forward to us becoming something and making something of ourselves. As I was allowed the freedom to make and learn from my own mistakes, choices I made throughout my life didn’t necessarily take the preferred path of my father. But life isn’t always set in stone so there’s bound to be deviations. And he never made me feel bad about my decisions.

Growing up my siblings and I went to public school here in NYC, which included grade school, middle school and high school so we were always around all different types of people, from different races, different walks of life, gay, straight, etc. Some are even in my family. So I don’t know nor understand what it is to hate and/or dislike others for reasons such as the color of their skin, their religion, sexual orientation, disability, and so on and so forth. I don’t understand how some people feel superior to others based on those same reasons as well. People are people and should always be treated as such. We grew up in a house where we were taught to treat everyone with respect regardless of status, job occupation, skin color, etc., as you may never know when you may be in a similar situation or if you may ever need said person.

I didn’t grow up in a very religious household either. We weren’t a family that went every Sunday to church and listened to the word of God, though there is a universal belief that there is a God. But that is something we are taught and are passed down throughout the family. My family felt that we didn’t need to attend church to show our faith. But as of late I have really just been questioning who is to say if there really is God? Certainly everyone has their right to believe he exists. And certainly they all are able to worship whom they please just as those also have a choice not to worship for whatever reason. I just think a God that sets guidelines which details what makes a person acceptable or not, is not really a good example for the people, and therefore why should we give “Him” any credibility?

 

 

Megan M. Ramdin : Gender Identity Project

Perspectives through One’s Eye

Gender identity is always mistaken and confused by sexual orientation. They are often mistaken for the same thing while they are different. Sexual orientation is an enduring pattern of romantic or sexual attraction to persons of the opposite sex or gender, the same sex or gender, or to both sexes or more than one gender. Gender identity refers to what an individual feels from within themselves. A person who is born a boy may feel like a woman from within and exhibits his identity through feminine clothes or behavior. Likewise, a person who is born a female may later in life identify herself as a man by dressing or acting like a man. Gender identity has always been an issue due to the fact one refuses to follow the social construct to find out who they are.

The social construction of gender difference is a philosophical theory according to which gender is socially constructed. It discusses how the biological basis of the differences between the sexes does not explain their lived differences and inequalities. It’s about having look at the sex-gender distinction and the different explanations that have been given for the near-universal inequality between men and women. For example, toys we receive as children by default, footballs, and trucks for boys and princesses and dresses for girls. Magazines that portray women in a sexual way, but men are almost never portrayed in the same way.

Gender roles have indeed changed over time but not within specific households. I am a woman that is born into a strict Indo-Caribbean home that if one is to deny the social construct to be someone that we truly are, we would no longer be acknowledged. I am the last-born woman in my family as well as the youngest.  My mother grew up living within very strict norms, in a village where gender roles are clear and followed to this day. Women cook, serve, clean, love their families, whereas the men were the providers. In an Indo- Caribbean home, a woman especially a last born is given high expectations to be well educated, respected, knowing how to cook, and cleaning. You have three other siblings that went through the process that I would have to go through. I would always try to set a higher example that they never did. I would feel praised when my parents would acknowledge my actions. But my sister and I would have to do tasks that were assigned to us because the “boys couldn’t do it”.  For example, in an Indo-Caribbean household, men aren’t allowed to clean a restroom because that was a lady’s job. Why must it only one’s personal job? Cleaning is everyone’s job not only one woman. Degrading one’s gender doesn’t make them feel good about themselves. Another aspect I can touch upon would be a curfew. Females in an Indo-Caribbean household should be in their house before the sun sets but fine for a male to come and go whenever they like. Double standard much? I would say. Up to this day, I come home right after school, sometimes the train would be delayed and my parents would call me non stop to see where I am, yes I understand they are concerned but if I was to be one minute late, I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Psychological theories focus on the internal development provoked by early childhood experience. This perspective focuses on how our unconscious thoughts and memories influence our identity and beliefs. These theories are known as social learning and cognitive development. We often come across this idea when we try to replicate the other person’s behavior. Social learning theory posits gender is a learned behavior, learned by observing, analyzing, and modeling others (DeFrancisco, 4). Personally, I feel that the social learning theory best illustrates the gender awareness process as human beings are social animals and develop through social interactions. Growing up, I always wanted to be like my mom. The super mom, the multitasker because she seemed to have everything under control even in the toughest times. I remember in my youth, mimicking her every move. From washing the dishes to trying on her shoes, wearing her makeup, and wearing her apron. My family would laugh hysterically. Not to be funny but just admirable of her actions.

We all grow up to be acknowledged in the world. But how do we know who we want to be? We as humans use this process in our everyday lives. This is how the human mind grows and changes within time. This is known as cognitive development theory. Cognitive development theory seek to explain human behavior by understanding the development of identity as a process that goes through stages (Piagent, 1965).   Cognitive development basically includes how we develop our skills and knowledge to understand what’s going around us which is includes the part of brain development and cognitive development again somehow affected by our social values and norms.

People do not merely internalize gender roles as they mature but they respond to changing norms in society. Children learn to categorize themselves by gender very early on in life. A part of this is learning how to display and perform gendered identities as masculine or feminine. Boys learn to manipulate their physical and social environment through physical strength or other skills, while girls learn to present themselves as objects to be viewed. Children monitor their own and others’ gendered behavior. Gender-segregated children’s activities create the appearance that gender differences in behavior reflect an essential nature of male and female behavior.

Gender Identity Project

Gender identity Is something that has been a topic of importance for such a long time. We are assigned a sex the moment we are born, we are either born with a penis or a vagina and are consider to be a male or a female based on our body’s anatomy. From this point on society and even religion already have gender norms for men and women. Each gender has to behave and do certain things. Everyone is different some are happy with their gender either male or female while others feel like they are born in the wrong gender body and this is where gender identity is very important because it is a personal and you express those feelings by showing who you truly are and feelings comfortable with who you want to be.

Gender identity can influence everybody in different ways. In my situation I believe that what has influenced me the most is society, family  and their religious/cultural beliefs on certain norms, and my social life. Personally my gender identity is female I am considered to be cisgender because my personal identity and gender correspond with my birth sex. My sex at birth was female and I accept, love and feel comfortable with the sex I was given.

My family has influenced me because of their cultural beliefs. When it comes to cultural beliefs it is basically families customs and their views on different things. I grew up in a house hold where my grandparents had the same perspective as society has which Is that women are house wives, care takers while men are the head of the household, hard working and superior. My mom and my aunts were expected to do everything meaning, clean cook take care of younger siblings while my grandpa and their cousins went to work and everything had to be ready for them and they had to serve them. The moment my aunts wanted to work in order to pay for their education it was seen as bad and they weren’t allowed. My younger aunts had the opportunity to get an education, unfortunately my mom could not. Although my grandparents norms were very precise and strict, my mom  has shown me that women are capable of more than that. My mother is the head of the house hold and has been ever since my dad passed away and she has worked hard and cooked and clean for her kids in order to give us a better life and education. She has inspired me because now I work hard for what I want, and do and dress how I want as long I feel comfortable with myself.

While growing up, I was not only taught but also by choice to be in way “girly”, I played with dolls , my favorite colors were purple and pink which was what girls were expected to like. Meanwhile boys needed to play with cars and whose favorite color was blue. Now growing up with my brother things changed and in a social way. Since we both played whatever we wanted, for example I liked playing basketball and soccer with him and he would play with me when I wanted to play with dolls etc and this in other peoples eyes would not be right because my brother shouldn’t be playing with dolls and I shouldn’t have been playing basketball. Being judged for playing ‘boy games’ always made me feel upset because it made me happy to play those games and to be judged for it was not right.

Social life has influenced me a lot throughout the years since I have met a lot of people. Social learning theory refers to behaviors that are acquired by observing and imitating others for example I went from being “girly” into wanting to be in oversized t-shirts and sweat pants and barely putting makeup on which isn’t a bad thing but I like dressing both ways and dressing up whenever I feel more comfortable. Gender identity is said to be developing in infancy since it is parental expectations and the concept of mimicking behavior. According to Theories of sex/gender it states, “When children are positively rewarded for mimicking preferred behavior, the behaviors attached to prescribed social roles become internalized habits” . To a certain extent this Is true because kids learn when they are rewarded for behaving good and they realize that what they were punished for shouldn’t be done, but when we enter to our teen years and adulthood we socialize with other and we start liking different thing or experimenting with different things.

Societies expectations on gender roles and identities has not gotten in the way of me doing what I feel best doing. I have a boyfriend who supports me greatly and whom I help around since we live together and this to my grandparents was a surprise because they expect my man to take care of me financially and for me to do chores at home. Being able to break cultural and social norms has made my relationship stronger because we share things and have fun doing chores together and having our own personal life when it comes to work. I love being able to go to work, workout, dressing in sweats and long t-shirts no makeup or hair done sometimes, and then other times I love getting my makeup done and wearing something nice out and that all depends on what I feel most comfortable at the moment not depending on what society thinks a women should look like everyday.

Tiffany Zeno Gender Identity Project

Gender identity is an important part of the being of a person. The gender people identify with can often be a product of the society. I identify as a cisgender female. It is possible that I identify as such because of the environment I was brought up in. I often would rely on the psychoanalytic theory. According to this theory, unconscious thoughts and memories influence a person’s identity, actions and beliefs. Ever since I was a child there was always the need to act prim and proper always backed by the phrase “act like a lady.” My father enforced rules regarding waring “appropriate” clothing for women, not to speak a certain way, and how women are expected to date. This unconsciously made me wary of the way I acted and the way I conducted myself.

The body politics that come with identifying as a female is enormous. Body politics refers to how the genders are expected to care for their bodies as well as the way everyone’s body should look. Growing up, there was always the constant urge about how to mind my body as a female. If even a hair was out of place, it would elicit teases. Therefore, I find myself being very mindful about how I carry myself around.

Being a female often comes with some form of objectification. Objectification refers to how society views people as solely objects meant for the pleasure of the viewer. Society often objectifies the female gender. The society is often filled with perceptions about how people who are cisgender should behave and mostly this stems from a point of objectification. For me, this form of objectification has made me at times be wary of myself in order to conform to the societal constructions of being a female. The “rules” for being a woman in society often contradict themselves. For example, women are expected to be sexy yet classy, resilient but not to overbearing for the man. Oftentimes we work hard to educate and make a living for ourselves, to then be downplayed in the work field because we are viewed as less than.

Although I identify as a cisgender female, I am open to all other sexualities and I believe that everyone has the right to be who they want to be do what makes them happy. However, regardless how someone identifies I believe everyone should be treated equal and should not be expected to conform to societal standards.

Abdoul Galiou Dabre Gender Identity Project

Gender and decision making is still a critical subject when it comes to social construction. Despite most international conventions stressing on the importance of participation and equitable access when making decisions, studies show some communities still disregard other genders based on gender identity. In some settings, feedback from men is likely to considered and utilized when making decisions on issues (Rao & Tilt, 2015). In some cases, women are likely to follow decisions made by men as opposed to women. These cases possess a question about what influences decision making based on factors such as sex, race, class, and other identities.

Growing up in a village setting where people value culture and social norms in decision making allowed me to encounter a particularly rememberable case. I was raised by an aunt who worked against odds to ensure I got the basic need, including education. In my community, women are not entitled to own hereditary or communal land. My grandparents owned more than 30 acres and had three children (two sons and a daughter). Since my aunt was not married, we stayed with my grandparents until they all died when I was at a tender age. When the time came for the division of family land, she was left landless since our norms never recognized women as part and parcel of beneficiaries. My uncles sub-divided the property within them and never allocated any land for my mother to use.

My aunt then decided to approach family members in a bid to get some piece of land to enable us to sustain ourselves. This plea fell on deaf ears as none was able to hear her since she was a woman. She then tried to approach the local authorities and elders. My uncles were summoned to make their comments before the community land committee. My aunt’s arguments were simple; she is not married and has children to raise. My grandparents never left any will, which should have also guided on the proper way of sharing the land. My aunt received support from other women who were single parents. Unfortunately, during the ruling, the land community followed my uncles suggestion which said one acre of land to be bought outside the family land and given to my aunt. Upon further inquiry from the state authorities, the decision of the community land committee was upheld. By advocating for equal rights when making decisions, he was branded feminists and regarded as someone who does not honor the cultural norms.

Whenever issues arise in my community, the elders set a date for a public hearing, and this is where decisions are made based on the peoples suggestions. Unfortunately, women who attend these forums are not allowed to speak. Only men are allowed to give their suggestions and to participate in decision making while women are supposed to listen and adapt the final rulings. Women, in this case, are classified as children and cannot give sound judgment. This case extends to the family setting where fathers have the final say when making any decision for the family. For instance, when determining economic activities such as farming, a man is the only allowed when making this decision. Although women are allowed to access education, their place and role in society are still defined and fixed.

According to psychological theories, individuals’ identity is not set at birth naturally but is developed through an experience such as childhood interaction (Levien, 2017). In my community, there are cultural and social norms that everyone is expected to subscribe to and adhere to. When children grow, they develop a finite mindset that defines the specific role of an individual in society. In my community, people grow up knowing that women are not entitled to own a piece of land. They also develop a mindset that depicts women as inferior and cannot participate in decision making without a factual basis. When they grow up, these people will continue practising the same norms without enquiring. In my case, my aunt was denied land-based on gender, and her arguments were disregarded without a real basis. In this kind of setting, girls also grow knowing the defined role and remain submissive to the man without valid reasons.

Biological theories suggest that some things are natural and cannot be changed. In this case, being born a male or female naturally outlines your role in society. One of the theory shows men brain is distinct from the females. For instance, men can confront challenges better than women, while women wired to more empathetic and detail. From this theory, people in society classify being born a girl or boy will naturally define your role (Ilie & Cardoza, 2018). This can be one of the reasons when my aunt was not even heard during the land case dispute. She is expected to get married elsewhere and giving them rights to own hereditary land is not right. This theory, when not approached well tries to disadvantage and rule out others in the decision-making process.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gender Identity project

         My entire life I’ve questioned everything about myself. The questions always went back to what my place in the world was, and more than that what my purpose was. Looking back at my mind set growing up, I think I would describe it as being in a state of perpetual existential crisis. I questioned everything and was very insecure. I grew up on an island that I was not born on. The culture and heritage that the locals had ingrained in them, I had to fight for and learn. I was constantly trying to prove that I was worthy of just sharing in that part of their identity. This led me to constantly be an outcast. When people would ask me where I was from I would always se I was born in NJ but have lived on the island since I was 2. I guess deep down I thought that they would never accept me if I wasn’t born on the island so I never really tried to fit in. At one point, I thought I just had to accept that I was meant to be the outcast. No one would ever fully accept me or understand me, and so I never tried to understand or accept myself. I ostracized myself so much that my own family started calling me a black sheep. 

       Over the course of my adolescence, I knew I was unhappy. I put myself in many different groups trying to see if I could understand who I was or what I wanted. I felt that there was no one I could talk about my internal struggle with my sexuality with because I felt like I again would not be understood. When I got to highschool I thought I could start over. It was a clean slate. No one knew me. I tried again to find a group and fit in. I found people that were secure in their sexuality and tried to learn from them. I did not want to be a black sheep anymore. I did everything to be as ‘normal’ as I could. I mimicked other classmates’ mannerisms and styles. I dressed how they dressed and dated similar people. I participated in activities I had no interest in. I felt like I needed to be exactly like them. I quickly learned I could not fake the funk. Pretending to be as secure as they were made me even more uncomfortable. The truth was that I was still fining myself. My freshman year was the last year I went to school. My struggle with my sexuality and identity became so bad that I had a mental breakdown almost everyday. My anxiety fully started to manifest itself. What I previously thought was just a general unhappiness became so much more than that. After I left the school I was homeschooled for my remainder of my high school years. I completely secluded myself. I didn’t talk to anyone, I didn’t see anyone. I cut myself off from the world. I had no idea at the time but this was the best thing I ever did for myself.

     Now alone and in my own little world I was able to really work on myself without fear of judgement from my peers. I unconsciously became more secure in who I was even if I didn’t have a specific group that I belonged to. After about 2 years of being by myself I believed I was able to take on the world again. As much as I believed I was mentally prepared for the world again I wasn’t. I was still searching for a group to fit into and now that I had access to so much more I went crazy. I push myself into a relationship that didn’t reflect who I was or what I wanted. I forgot all the healthy habits I learned and reverted right back into who I was in high school. Moreover I started outwardly criticizing and making fun of myself. I was so lost in my identity that I would call myself a little boy (referring to my looks and body), I questioned my sexuality and became extra promiscuous. I even got to the point were I started to use the pronouns he, him, his. My life was all over the place. I never really took in the severity of my actions and how they were affecting me. Once I finally hit rock bottom I decided I needed a change again. I removed myself once again and tried to figure who I really was and what I wanted. 

      After a few months of soul searching and meditation, as well as building healthy habits, I was able to come to a happy conclusion. I am a person that needs no labels or groups. I thrive when I am on my own. I don’t really fit into any group and I am learning that now I do not want to. I am a person that spreads love and operates off the feelings I have. I love who I love and express myself in whatever way that I feel comfortable. I do identify as a woman but embrace that I have an androgones side. I just am who I am and everyday I am learning something new about myself. I am a cisgendered Afro-Caribbean American woman who sexually fluid and enjoying life as it comes to me.

 

Lisa Blamfort Gender Identity Project Draft

My gender is constructed for my individual based on the gendered interactions that I have in my childhood and my teenager years with my family, teachers, classmates and friends, as well as, other identities or roles I may hold. Another influence of my gender identity is how I feels inside and outside and how I know myself to be when it comes to gender.

When I was born the doctor assigned me as a female to my parents like society brainwashed him to say so and according to my physical anatomy. I remember when I was 5 years old, I grew up seeing myself as a little girl wearing dresses and skirt and boys wearing pants and playing football in my neighborhood. But everything change when my mom had a full time management job in a restaurant, she didn’t have time to care of myself so she asked my uncles and my brother to do it for her because she was the oldest and the main provider of the household so everybody had to follow her rules. I was raised by 3 uncles, a brother and a step-after/father, those guys did everything in the house such as: cleaning, cooking, laundry, comb my hair, teach me how to dance, study, play chess, tic toc toe, domino, video games and play sports like soccer,  basket-ball and tennis etc.

In spite of the fact that my household was an only man one, my school was the opposite. I spent all of my childhood and teenager years in a catholic school that accepted only girl. The nuns of my school taught me how to eat, dance, sing, talk, act, walk and think like sweet gentle girl. I had only one girlfriend because the other girls said that I was insane and I acted like a boy, I was confused because this is how my uncles taught me how to talk and act, the nuns didn’t like my behavior either and they were constantly fighting with my male care givers because my uncles always dressed me like a little boy when the nuns are having schools activities and the evils nuns weren’t feeling it and they always kicked me out from those activities sometimes. I remember that I was late for school and 2 of my uncles were fixing my hair, they decided to do a high ponytails with my hair but they weren’t able to find any elastic bang or rubber bang to do it so they decided to use a electric cord to attach my hair and they did it and send me to school, and the nuns send me back to my house.

I spent my whole life trying to balance those two mutually exclusive categories of gender that society creates called binary gender, but it was unsuccessful, so I decide to blend them, and I get in return the perfect combo. This is 3 important concepts that I learn from the course that help me with my identity. The first one is the “Theorizing Lived Experiences” that disclose how inequality of race, class, gender, and sexuality drives to numerous problems to a micro, meso, and macro/global level of everyday

in connection with women that cause the feminist movement. This theory makes me realize that my childhood has a big impact in my gender identity perhaps if I was born in family includes father, mother and sisters or grew up with my aunts only I would be different and loss.

The second is Psychological theories incorporates psychoanalysis and psychoanalytic feminism that our conscious or unconscious thoughts and memories don’t have an effect to our gender identity but our emotional experience during our childhood does. I grew up in memories that men and women aren’t different at all my uncles and brother did everything and anything that a woman could did and they didn’t see as a little girl they show how repair things like cars, broken Tv and radio, grill, drink beer and alcohol, smoke marijuana like a man and even taught me how to flirt with a girl or manipulate her to have sex with me. On the other hand, I saw them being vulnerate and emotional sometimes when their partners broke up with them like the so-called feminine side society portrays us.

 

And the third one is a critical/Cultural theory that is someone’s customs, arts, social institutions, and achievements of a particular nation, people, or other social group influence someone life and keep human beings from a full and true understanding of how the world works and understand his or her identity. I was raised in a household where gender roles were in contradiction with the society norms because my mother didn’t engage in the traditional feminine gender role would be to nurture her family and my uncles were my caretakers.

My mother who is my role model breaks gender barrier and those 3 assignments that I had in Communication and Gender about Gender roles in society that it is from us expected to act, speak, dress, groom, and conduct ourselves based upon our assigned sex in my mind. Like Subhas Chandra Bose Quote: “Freedom is not given – it is taken,” that’s the reason of that quote I took the initiations to educate myself by reading, study gender identity and train my mind to seek the truth instead of information. I decide to become in the future a activist in the feminist movement because the society and the media are hurting us and killing us by hiding from us the truth about who we are, as one of my model “Academy Award winning actor Denzel Washington:” “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you do read it, you’re misinformed.””So, what responsibility do you all have?” he said.  “To tell the truth. Not just to be first. But to tell the truth.” I want to tell the truth to people about gender identity and help them to free themselves.

Kianna Holm Gender Identity Final Portfolio

 Gender identity is a very relevant topic today. Many people have their own ideas about the correctness and error of each sexual behavior and these people are very precise about their ideas. Gender identity is defined as a personal conception of oneself as male or female, both or neither. Your gender identity is how you feel inside and how you express those feelings. 

I would categorize my gender identity as female. Sex is the labels of male, female or intersex, given to someone at birth based on their body parts. My sex is female. I was born with a vagina and overtime as I got older my body started developing as a women’s would. I started having my menstrual cycle, my breasts and butt were getting bigger. 

Sex role development begins in infancy. It is a basic factor of a stable identity. The key component to identity formation are the social influences. This includes parental expectations, peer relationships and social  experience. From the time children are born, parents tend to treat their child by their sex, from the name given to the baby to the toys they get to play with. This places the child into one category or another. The simple act of decorating a room or providing access to various play things is connected with factors of adult influence. 

Even toys and TV shows seemed to be gender analyzed. As a child, I loved to watch Dora. I had all of her toys and merchandise. I grew up with Barbie dolls and fake kitchen sets, things that girls would like to play with. Usually boys go for toy guns and action figures. This does play a role in one’s gender identity. 

When considering myself, growing up I was raised as a girl and I’ve always thought of myself as a girl. I did play a lot outside with the boys and I have always related more with boys rather than girls but that’s because I have a lot of older brothers and cousins.

To start it off with small detailed information about myself, my name is Kianna. That is a female’s name. Middle name, Felicia, which is also feminine. When I was younger I had a white room. White is known to be a mutual color not really masculine or feminine, but I had pink flower stickers all over my walls and dolls everywhere. Pink is said to be a color corresponding to girls. 

Gender expression is how a person shows their gender identity. It includes physical expressions like ones clothing, hairstyle, makeup, and social expression. Some examples of gender expression are masculine, feminine, and androgynous. These concepts are also related to the concept of gender role. My gender expression would be considered feminine. Usually when people look at me they consider me to be a girly girl. I like to wear dresses, skirts and crop tops like most women. But I don’t limit my closet to these. I have jeans and tshirts like men do too but that isn’t my main wardrobe. Based on my hairstyles I think anyone would be able to identify masculine or feminine. I like to wear long weaves and braids.

Orientation/ attraction is a term used to describe sexual and/or romantic attractions to others. This can be categorized as straight, lesbian,, gay, bisexual, queer, etc. I categorize myself as straight. I like men. People often ask how do you know you don’t like women and I find it weird because usually being gay, or liking the same sex, is looked down upon in many cultures. Mine , for instance, my family is Jamaican. So gay people are always being bashed and punished. There’s even several songs made about how gayness is not accepted. This is also how culture plays a part in one’s attraction. 

I have a sister named Salina. She’s older than me but we have the same parents and we grew up in the same house with the same rules. But she was always the opposite of me. She wasn’t such a girly girl. She likes wearing jeans and sweats. She comes off aggressive. She’s more of a tomboy. She’s also gay which I am not. This made my conclusion that although experiences may be similar the end result isn’t the same for everyone. 

To conclude my statement, gender identity is not simply defined by what we are but more so the combination of our physical appearances and our inner self. Often people have  difficulty identifying with either of the sexes especially when genetics factors of abnormal development are present. Gender identity is not a black and white matter, chromosomes, environmental factors, and psychological factors all influence the individual’s sense of being male or female.so the big question is what if I didnt play with dolls but trucks instead, or what if i had a unisex name, What if something in my life changed would that changed my identity from who I am today?