Category: Discussion 1

       I am a 22 year old boy in the major of computer science at BMCC (Borough of Manhattan Community College ). This is my last semester and I will be graduating with an Associate Degree in Computer Science. I am originally from a country in the west side of Africa called Burkina Faso. I love to play soccer and listen to music during my free time. My family members call me Galiou but my friends call me Abdoul. As in the video titled “Young Soul” posted by Brianne Waychoff, I was born in a religious family. Based on an experience I will share a story that changed my view on other genders.

      Five years ago, I arrived in New York City. I was so excited about this new journey in my life because I wanted to live the American dream, go to college and become a businessman. After years spent fare away from them, I was finally able to be united with my family and be happy. Unfortunately, I had to take a GED program because I didn’t graduate high school back home and I was over the age required for an American high school to accept me. A few weeks later, I started my GED program  on  west thirty four street at a school named ” Pathway to Graduation”. On my first day I sat beside someone who will change my prospective and my view on other gender.

In certain religion such as mine, being “gay” , having piercings and tattoos are forbidden and some even consider it as evil. Therefore coming from a religious family , I was blindly avoiding those gender without even trying to know them. On my first day while I was seating in my math class waiting for the professor to show up, a beautiful man in ladies clothes and a bag on the left arm enter the room, approach my table and sat.  He greeted me and I ignored him by staying quiet. I didn’t want to do anything with him. Shortly, the professor arrived and started the course. Around ten minutes later he asked me if I had a second pen by any chance and I gave him a weird short response. At the end of the class, on my way out, I suddenly heard a voice calling me ” sir, sir” in the back of me. I knew  it was him because it was the same voice that asked me for a pen. I’ve choosen to ignore him again thinking he wanted to ask me for something else. He then ran, tapped me on my shoulder handed me my wallet and said ” you forget it at your place”. I stood with no words for a several seconds and thank him. He gave me his hand and said ” I’m Dave”.  I gave him mine and said ” I’m Abdoul” then we handshake and wished each other a good evening. I was shocked. Not shocked because he gave me my wallet but shocked because after I ignore so many times he decided to treat me with respect. I wanted to know him more because most people wouldn’t done the something.The next day I apologized to him then we talked for hours. Since then we became friends. I learn a lot from him. He’s smart, made me better in math, and has beautiful heart.

People describe men by their physics and treat “gay people” of weak but have we seen how beautiful and strong gay people hearts are. Parents sometimes don’t want their children to hang with different genders for fear that their child may become something that they believe it’s not right but I am straight and I never meet one who trie to convince me of being part of the LGBT. As mentioned in the video “Young Soul”,” God is Love, and will love for all of us to be kind”. God don’t judge us by our appearance but our heart.

Hi everyone. My name is Adynah Richardson. I am a psychology major at BMCC.  This is one of three classes that I am taking this semester, which happens to be my last. I will be transferring to CUNY Hunter next semester to study behavioral neuroscience. Human behavior is the most interesting thing to me. The mind is capable of so much, just learning a little bit about it is fascinating. After my time at Hunter, I plan to go though school until I get my PhD and MD.

When I first listened to what this assignment was and then listened to the gender stories of previous students, I realized that I have had very little to no gender identity questioning in my own life. I was raised in a household where everyone contributed. Although my parents divorced when I was very young, the responsibilities were shared equally. There was nothing that was specifically male or specifically female. I am very grateful for that. It wasn’t until I was more exposed to the world that I noticed that people struggle with defining what their identity is. I had to speak to my sister to really try an find something that I may have questioned.

In our discussion I was able to come up with a few times where I questioned the gender identity roles of others that I know. The first instance is with my grandmother. She comes from a very old, very deep rooted Caribbean culture. Although I did grow up with the same culture and traditions, because of the age difference her views on this topic differ from mine. The difference is in they way men are treated as fathers, sons, and husbands. I’ve heard her say on many occasions that men shouldn’t make their own plates and that he shouldn’t come get them either. They must be served. She also has the tendency to pacify men and treat them with kid gloves. I have noticed this with all the women of her generation and specific cultural background. In seeing the women before me treat men, I definitely did question their role in each others lives. It seemed to be that the women’s role was primarily to make the men happy at all costs and the men’s role is to simply exist. Like I said it is very different than the way I was raised, to me everyone no matter how they identify is an equal. However, from what I observe that isn’t the case for my elders.

The last story I want to share is about my upbringing. I feel very blessed to  have been raised to feel very secure in my gender identity and have the views that I have. My father taught me what it was to be a ‘man’. He taught me how to fix cars and how to play basket ball. He taught me about sneakers and how to have swag. He taught me things that you typically wouldn’t expect of a girl. However, he also taught me how to be a ‘women’. He taught me how to cook and how to clean. How I should carry myself and present myself in public. There was never anything that was strictly male or strictly female. It was all one human experience. My mother did the same. There were no gender roles for me. I was just able to be. Personally for me I think this is an experience everyone should have. There is no longer man and woman. There is a variety of relationship combinations and ways people identify, I believe that the way we interact should reflect that.

My name is Anaya Alcantara; I’m currently a Liberal Art student. I am in my last semester here at BMCC, and looking forward to becoming a Respiratory Therapist. Being a therapist it’s been my dream for so long I can not even remember, choosing to help people to live and feel alive by helping them to just breathe makes my heart full. I was born here, in the United States, but raised in the Dominican Republic by my maternal grandmother. I came back to the United States at 12 years old. In the Dominican Republic, where I grew up, gender is a topic of discussion; it is a hard topic to open up and speak about during a conversation. Such a controversial conversation can lead you to create conflicts with the others who do not have the same point of you, ending up by not talking to each other anymore. Adults will not speak in front of children certain topics when you are around. In my case, my grandmother said I was too young to know about these things, they said it is “inappropriate”. While I was growing up, my family thought me that girls can not play with boys, because then people will call you “machera” which means tomboy. Also, they always tell you that girls should not seat on any men’s lap, it does not matter if it is a family of yours, you can not do that. In a country like the one that I was raised in, we are not allowed to be ourselves, we have to be a mirror of what society wants us to be, especially if it’s a very religious one. They do not ask you what do you want to be or if you feel comfortable that way, because for them that is an irrelevant conversation. My family might have stopped me from playing with boys or restricted me from being part of conversations but never told me how I was supposed to feel about myself with a bunch of rules to follow because of what society might think about me. On the other hand, even If I was not comfortable, back then I had to live the only way I was tought, it was the only thing I knew. It was until now that I have myself thinking about my gender, how did I end up liking boys? was it because it had to be that way? I mean, I have never tried something else.

Hello, everyone, my name is Ligia Urdiales I am 19, I was born and raised in Brooklyn. This is my last semester at BMCC I will be graduating with an Associates Degree in Science for Health Professions. My goal is to pursue a career in nursing, which has been my dream for a very long time. I am taking this class because I need a writing-intensive class in order to graduate, but I am very excited for this class because we all have different stories to share some even might be similar but we will all be able to view someones else perspective and even give our opinions on it.

I want to start by saying that these videos made by other students sharing their experiences was very nice, I am amazed on the fact that that there were a couple stories I can relate. Everyone has gender stories / Identities of their own that has influenced us In some way. “Be a man” was a video that in some shape or form I can relate to because I grew up in a household where women had the responsibility to do everything in the house, such as cooking,cleaning, laundry etc. meanwhile boys/ men were expected to do these things. I remember when i was smaller being expected to do everything in the house, no matter how busy i was with homework I had to leave everything and start cleaning, washing dishes meanwhile my brother who was not doing nothing was not expected to do nothing in the house. I even remember having a boyfriend and he didn’t have the same views as my family did, therefore when he would help me clean, cook his parents didn’t approve and even got mad, because they expected me to be doing these things alone. I was surprised that people had these beliefs of women serving men in a way, I am glad that my mom has changed her view because even she got tired of always working and coming home to do everything meanwhile my brothers or even dad not helping around when they had the chance, I strongly believe that working together and getting things done as a family works better than having men believe that they do not have household responsibilities as well.

I believe that in a way i can also relate to “Eczema” I don’t have this skin condition but i have struggled with self confidence due to my acne, I am sometimes not satisfy with how I look or even believe that I should be looking a different way. I have tried so many things to clear up my acne but sometimes nothing seems to work, but I have come to a point where I have to accept myself the way I am and that constantly stressing over these things makes it worse. We are all different and unique and that’s what makes us special.

Hello, my name is Kianna Holm. I am 19 years old and this is my last semester at BMCC. I want to become an anesthesiologists, so I’m taking all my pre-reqs to get into the nursing program.  I’m from Jamaica, Queens, NY. I’ve lived there for most of my life. During my free time I love to watch movies, listen to music and go out o new places.

I come from a large family. I have 4 sisters and 6 brothers. My dad has 10 kids and my mom has 5, 4 with my dad. We didn’t all live together but we were together often. I’m the youngest girl out of the group so that did come with some benefits but I also think that it has made me think differently about genders and their roles.

During most of my childhood years I’ve been really skinny. I used to get teased for it but I had older brothers so it wasn’t often I’d hear the stupid “Do your parents feed you?” comment. But of course they cant be with me all the time to defend me so I still hear it. When I got to high school I didn’t have my brothers I was by myself. The girls at my school were thick, curvy and they’ve grown breast and their bodies have formed and were still forming. Then there was me, still shopping in the kids department because that was the only thing that fit. I would wear a training bra everyday hoping to make them grow. I started to feel left out and just not the same. I started to question myself, trying to figure out if something was wrong with me. I was confused as to why haven’t I experienced any of these normal teenage phases.

I met a few girls at my school who were feeling just as insecure about their bodies as I was but in a different way. I didn’t get why some of them was complaining.  They looked great! They had everything I wanted plus some. But they didn’t like it. There were many reasons why, but the most common reason they all said was It brought them attention they didn’t like. They wanted what I had and I wanted what they had.

At that time I wasn’t thinking like how they were. I felt left out so I just wanted to fit in but sometimes that’s not always the best. I didn’t even think about the things they were saying while hoping to be like them. I didn’t think that looking like that would draw attention because so much attention was drawn to me for being skinny so I thought it was normal to look like that. I thought I was out of place. I later learned that there isn’t a “normal” way to look. Everybody is different and everybody’s body is different. I realized that no matter how you look or what you do people would always have negative things to say to you.

This is when I finally learned to just love myself and everything about me. Although I may not be happy with everything I have there are some people who are dying to look like me. I’ve learned a life lesson that you’re never going to be happy if you don’t love yourself. Self love is the best love, because if you truly love yourself, along with all your flaws, there’s nothing that anybody can say to take that confidence away.

Hello Professor Brianne and classmates, I’m very excited to take this class and learn more about how to manage the gender’s influence, its huge impact on our society, and how to have a positive and active role in our community. I came to the united states to realize my dream of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I was always very intrigued by the declaration of independence and how I can live a life without any judgment or restrictions.

As a mother of two children, with a full-time job. I try to show a good example to my kids that nothing is impossible as long as you have a goal in your life. Living in the body of a woman or a male, religion, culture should not restrict anyone’s abilities or dreams no matter what. we limit ourselves without realizing it.

I enjoyed watching all videos, and the amazing efforts it took these students to showcase their work. ”Be a men” video was very inspiring and close to my heart. I felt that I can relate to it a lot since I come from a place where men and women are assigned toys, roles since the day they are born. I always remember myself as a little girl sitting in the corner of the big room where my aunts will be talking and taking care of their babies, cleaning and doing all the housework, while their husbands are chatting and watching football. I always rejected this idea and questioned myself why these roles can’t be reversed? is it because men and women are built differently? or because of society?

The daily breakfast conversations with my father and my rejection of these ideas were not the norm. My ideal society was a country where women are giving the right to choose their destiny regardless of their physiology or gender like the United States. It was a hard conversation because my dad uses to say that I can think and do whatever I want as long as it will not create a conflict with our norms and society. Why religion, background, culture, and society must limit my identity and who I’m as a person and what I want to achieve?

I’m also a very positive person and always looking at the bright side of any given situation. I could say that using the positive reframing technique to look at things around me and solve them from a slightly different perspective has been a great asset to my life.

Hi Everyone, my name is Nyoka and I am a Business Management student. I was born in Jamaica and migrated to states somewhere around 5-6 years of age. I love to cook, eat, dance, and connect with my friends and family. There is something about togetherness that makes me feel full, warm, and complete. I love sharing stories, I believe stories connect us to knew perspective, ideas, and lifestyles.
I remember the stories that were told in the kitchen, I’m not sure why but they were always told there. These stories would fill my mind with images of darkness, grey and white colored spirits, and spookiness. The chills would run down my back like oil running out of a car.
One story I haven’t considered or labeled is my own gender story. The text stated, “Adolescence and young adulthood are particularly critical times for Identity development”, and I agree. During those stages of my life, I wanted to fit in with a group of people that represented what it meant at the time, to normal and in style. I wanted to be liked, respected, and accepted by my peers. I remember not liking much of myself, every day I’d go home and look at myself in the mirror and say, “Tomorrow will be better”.
I remember not liking what I looked like, I didn’t appreciate the changes that took over my young adolescent body. The overall transition phase from a child, and then to a teen, and then a young adult was overwhelming. As I mentioned before, I grew up in a Caribbean household so I was always conscious about how parents saw me. There’s this thing/stigma about a young girl thinking that she is too grown, and I never wanted them to think that. I believe throughout the years and even until I have held myself back from my development. Never to cross the line of a child’s place by ensuring that I remain as pure, innocent, and clean as possible. Whatever that means.
I also remember covering up myself as a form of protection from prevented hissing men. I would wear baggy t-shirts of the boys/men section from the department stores. As I reflect on it, I wasn’t necessarily ashamed of my womanhood but I was fearful of the baggage that came along with it.
I have a bag full of my own gender stories. I’m still learning and unlearning a lot of these concepts around my gender identity and what it means to be a woman. Since my teenage years, I have grown a new found love and appreciation for my femininity.

 

Hello friends, my name is Srijana. I was born and raised in Nepal. I have been living in United states since last six year for my school. I love volunteering, playing basketball and travelling. I was more interested to take human services major but somehow end up with Finance but no regrets. 
I come from a family where I have six siblings among which five of us are girl children and the eldest one is my brother. My mom has to go through a lot of struggle because my dad and his parents were very old fashioned and religious who believed on having son makes a family happy, look after them and create them a way to heaven .Truly I still don’t understand what that meant beside the face it was a lot of pain to my mother who end of giving birth to five daughters after having very 1st eldest son and as my dad and his parents wanted my mom to give birth to their 2nd child as son. The day that I realize that my mom has to go through all this just to have son and she end of giving birth to all girls (it was not her fault which she took blame for very long time), I always wanted to be a son figure to my parents, in my family and take more responsibility.
It has been always confusing to me how my father had so conservative thinking and another side I have this eldest brother of mine who completely gave me an idea that all male figure are not same and developed himself father figure to me, by looking after me when I child, helping me to go to school and always giving moral support and being there in need of any guidance.
As I grew up, my brother is only person who made me I realized that school is the only place where I can develop myself, educate myself to distinguish between right or wrong, and keep myself capable of living on my own because my mom didn’t have an opportunity of going school and got arranged marriage when she was just 18 years old.
Most of all I always wanted to prove to my dad and his parents that a girl child is never less than a son. I still find the differences he does between my brother and us (girl child) but it does not bother me at all, instead it motivates me to be better. And I came to realization along with time that I definitely don’t have to be son figure that my family has imaged of or the society has created the illusion that only son can look after family or take a responsibility or just be the decision making person in the family. I can be all that just being who am I, a 5th daughter of my mom. A girl who is capable of doing exactly what people around me would not believe a girl figure can be, being bold, responsible and hardworking. I developed myself to be exceptionally well prepared, and eager to undertake any obstacles which come my way.
School has always been a place where I find myself happy. Happy in a sense that makes me to be me, be optimistic and has helped in the growth of mind. Developed myself emotionally and mentally prepare to deal with patriarchal society I come from.
I decided to come here because the educational system of the USA is much more sophisticated than my native country, and I want to prove myself by doing the things on my own. I was the first girl child in the family who came to foreign country all on my own for my study.
I have always tried to make myself capable physically, emotionally and financially to cope with the obstacles that I am going to face in every stage of my life.
It was never easy to pursue my education here in the states, coming from middle class family and not getting full support from my dad (who kind of used to make all decision in my family). I had to go through different challenges while starting a school here in the United states. But I have always believed that if I can overcome all the challenges and then can be who I want to be
For me my decision coming to United states was a grated transitional period of developing myself and creating my own identity. Because I always have this deep down that if I didn’t make myself strong to survive this new environment, ready to cope new obstacle coming my way then I am never going to be who I want to be in my life.
Being independent, able to make decision on my own, and being financially capable so that I don’t have to rely on parents was all I wanted in my life which is not very common thought of girls back in my home country.
To some extent I have proven myself. And in 2019 I invited my parents here in United States for visit and I could see how proud my mom was to see me where I stand and my dad I really wanted to know what he feels about where I am today and what I am despite going again all his decision in the past but unfortunately even during their stay here with me I never got chance to have father-daughter talk. Hopefully someday…

Hi Everyone, my name is Mya. I am from the Bronx, born and raised. I’ve lived in various parts of the Bronx, upstate NYC, new jersey, and now I live in Queens NY. I was raised by my mother, and only my mother. For twelve years it’s always been just me and my mother so I grew up in a feminine environment. My mother always kept me looking very much girly, I was definitely the princess of the family. I grew up to be even more girly. I have to always have my nails done, hair done, I love makeup (I am a makeup artist), and I love dressing nice and taking pictures. When I was in my early teenager years I modeled, and even now I still take taking pictures seriously (everything has to be perfect). In my early teens I was very slim, and basically no fat. I always thought that I wanted to be thicker. My mother, aunts, and older cousins all has hips, butt, and big breast. I was basically a stick compared to them. I remember doing unhealthy practices in attempt to gain weight. All while my mother kept telling me to watch how much and what I was eating because as I got older the food with begin to make me gain weight. I didn’t think nothing of it, because I was always so skinny. I wanted to gain weight, but I thought it was only but so much weight I could possibly gain. In my senior year of highschool is when I started noticing my weight increase. I went from being 125 pounds to 135. I remember my first year of college I weigh 140. I could not believe it one bit. I never could get passed 120-125 pounds, now I was about 20 pounds heavier. After my first year of college, I went back home for good and was in a depressed mode trying to find out what I wanted to do with my life. My eating habits got completely out of control. I went from 140 pounds to 160 pounds. That’s when I realized how easy it was to gain weight, and not being able to track it until you’re busting out of your clothes. I then went from 160 to 180. I knew I was beginning to loose myself if I reached 200 pounds, that was 80 pounds over my normal. Currently, I am experiencing mild insecurity trying to get back to my weight goal of 140. Being a woman, especially a woman who grew up in a household where your mother is watching your weight has been very hard for me. I secretly going through my insecurity. Sometimes I record my youtube videos, and will delete it just because my double chin is showing too much. As a woman, keeping up with your weight can be a struggle and can be an insecurity when you feel like you don’t look as good as you used to.