Author: Nyoka

Nyoka Foster Discussion 3

Shoulders- I remember when I realized that my shoulder were broad. The feeling of embarrassment would drown me every time I would put on a shirt that emphasized their strength. I was also a tall girl with long limbs and all the other girls around me were narrow and petite. I remember comparing myself to my sister and friend’s physiques because to me they embodied what it was to be feminine. This might sound silly but when I was younger, I wished my parents would have put me a small space to prevent the growth of my abnormally sized pallet. I was aware that my size was intimidating to the boys and that they usually went for girls that were shorter and smaller than they were. I would make jokes about my height and the width of my table-sized shoulders. It was a form of protection, this was to prevent anyone from hurting me first. Over time, I accepted them for the wings that they were. Now, every time I think about my shoulders, I think of great women before like Maya Angelou and my Great grandmother. Although I’ve never met them before, the stories and legacy they’ve left behind make me feel grand. I think of strength, wisdom, and courage. I have also learned that choosing the right clothing/size makes a big difference in how I see myself.

Hair- Black textured hair is political and controversial outside and in our communities. We have been taught that there’s is an obvious distinction between good and bad hair and that Black texture is bad. This why I wrote free, proud, and beautiful. There has been such a turnaround within the Black community where textured has shifted away from shame, it is a symbol of freedom and pride. I believe it was last year (2019) when state laws were passed to stop natural hair discrimination. Now, imagine that. Besides the hair on my head, the people in my family are hairy. We hair hairy leg and arms and that is something was always proud of. It showed me that I belonged here and I found it beautiful and normal.

Stomach- Ok, so… When I was in the 6th grade I had abs, I mean 6 packs. I don’t know why but they were there. As I’ve gotten older, my tummy has grown into a pouch/muffin top with chichos. My clothes no longer fit me with the way they use to and I was becoming sluggish. I poured a lot of my energy into school, work, relationships, etc. I felt as if I neglected myself, and my belly was there to remind me every time I sat down. There were many times I would force “it’s self-love” upon myself as a way to accept my new flabby adult body or use it as an excuse to not work out.  It quickly turned into a never-ending cycle of working out 3-4 times a week, then giving up, making my favorite fudge brownies, and wishing I could remain consistent. You see, I was trying to get back to the old version of myself, and no, not 6th grader me but the me around 18-22. I slim, trim, active, and youthful. So, when I realized that it had more to do with my holding onto the past/youthfulness and less with my outward appearance.

My embodied communication complies with the command performance shifts on case to case basis. I have always been the outlier, I remember when my mom would tell me to stop acting a certain way because it was boy-like. I also remember how confused I was and continued with my “behavior” because I didn’t make any sense and then again, “so what?”.  Another case was when I was in the 3rd grade and my teacher asked us what was career goals and I intentionally stated that I wanted to become a Mechanic. Besides my dad being a Mechanic, I wanted to show that women can do it too. I would also play football to show that it was just about an individual’s ability and will to do it. There has also been an occasion where I had to show the “running like a girl” is synonymous with running very fast.  My experience in a Caribbean household, the woman is oftentimes shrinking themselves even when they are the head of the households. I’ve made a decision not to continue with that tradition, however, I have found myself seeking permission in whether I can move as freely as I’d like.

I would explain my embodied communication as a critical/cultural and or Pchsological theory. I say this because there are patterns (toxic traits/wholesome traits) that are repeated by the older generation that can be adapted by the new generation. There are a lot of traits and concepts I have to unlearn and take into account. One example is the value, role, and purpose of a woman/wife/mother. So often women are defined as what we are to others not what we are to ourselves. This image requires alt text, but the alt text is currently blank. Either add alt text or mark the image as decorative.

Nyoka Foster Discussion 2

Gender is a complex and sensitive subject/topic and it must be handled with respect, empathy, and sincerity. In the text, “Introduction to Women, Gender, Sexuality Studies”, I really appreciated how they broke down and defined the identity terms. I’ve heard many of those terms being used interchangeably, and it is great to see that each term has a unique layer and depth to its definition.

The groups that I feel have influenced me the most is my ethnicity, family, and womanhood. I say my ethnicity plays a big factor in my development because as a child in Jamaica, there is this strong level of pride in my country. I use to think it was the largest country in the world until I came across a map. My ethnicity is linked with my culture and family, its in our food and the way we speak to each other. It is also how I have been perceived by others around me. In fact, before I came to the U.S., I’ve always and maybe only considered myself to be a Jamaican/girl. Ever since I have moved to the U.S., I have labeled and categorized as Black/girl/minority/marginalized/other. Either way, I have found great love and appreciation for these new identities, because they represent the years of strength, resilience, love, and purpose. It is possible that my pride in my ethnicity may rub them as a form of arrogance. It is also possible that my pride would confuse the dominant culture because they may not see or notice anything special about being a “minority”.

I chose family because I believe they have a major impact on my personal views. On the diagram, I used the term outlier. I chose that word because, throughout my childhood and young adult life, I have always challenged their “old fashioned” theories and beliefs. I wanted/needed valid explanations of why certain things had to be that way and why? It drove my parents and sisters crazy, but little by little they have realized that was a method to my “madness”.  Another reason I chose my family is that they are great storytellers. It’s the way they would capture their audience using grand hand gestures, their tone, and pauses when necessary. It’s like you are at a cinema and your mind playing view as my mom or aunty narrates the scene.  This has allowed me the capacity to take on other people’s stories as they take me along on their journey.

I chose womanhood because I Identify myself as a feminine woman and it makes me proud. I think of women like my Grandmother, my Mother, Maya Angelou, also Toni Morrison, and how honored they make me feel. These women remind me of the phoenix bird, in the way they’ve always risen from difficult times, especially as Black women.

In the diagram, I drew a tree because to me it is a symbol of growth, wisdom, and strength.

Reading Journal 1

Identity was a concept that stood out to me. I agree when the text stated, “Over a lifetime, you construct multiple versions of your identity, giving new meanings to yourself as a person.”(12.) This is to show that no one ever remains the same, and the people we surround ourselves with, as well as societal norms, play a big role in how we express our identities. Whether we become the anomalies or abide by the status quo, there is a change that occurs whenever we interact with other people.

I also appreciated the concept of Agency and allowing the agency to others. I found this very important because ever so often we restrict and hold our peers back from the freedom of expression. We often creat these boxes and spaces for people to understand where they fit in our society. We place them in these categories so that they can make sense to us, especially when it does not align with our own beliefs. It is saying, whether you agree or not, whether it aligns with your expectations, you owe the next person room/opportunity/freedom to choose who they are to themselves.

The story concept was an interesting one, especially with Keith’s gender story. When Keith states, “My father sees marriage as a partnership between two equally capable humans who bring different opinions, ways of doing thing, and skills to a relationship…”.  This story interesting because it made me realize the importance of childhood and the setting in which they are raised. Rarely do I ever hear the narrative of the man who sees his partner as equal, and it was quite refreshing. In my childhood, I can tell that my mom went all out to fulfill her “role” as a wife and it always made a question whether or I wanted this for myself. I did not know it then, but from the age of 8, I was a feminist.

 

 

Nyoka Foster Discussion 1

Hi Everyone, my name is Nyoka and I am a Business Management student. I was born in Jamaica and migrated to states somewhere around 5-6 years of age. I love to cook, eat, dance, and connect with my friends and family. There is something about togetherness that makes me feel full, warm, and complete. I love sharing stories, I believe stories connect us to knew perspective, ideas, and lifestyles.
I remember the stories that were told in the kitchen, I’m not sure why but they were always told there. These stories would fill my mind with images of darkness, grey and white colored spirits, and spookiness. The chills would run down my back like oil running out of a car.
One story I haven’t considered or labeled is my own gender story. The text stated, “Adolescence and young adulthood are particularly critical times for Identity development”, and I agree. During those stages of my life, I wanted to fit in with a group of people that represented what it meant at the time, to normal and in style. I wanted to be liked, respected, and accepted by my peers. I remember not liking much of myself, every day I’d go home and look at myself in the mirror and say, “Tomorrow will be better”.
I remember not liking what I looked like, I didn’t appreciate the changes that took over my young adolescent body. The overall transition phase from a child, and then to a teen, and then a young adult was overwhelming. As I mentioned before, I grew up in a Caribbean household so I was always conscious about how parents saw me. There’s this thing/stigma about a young girl thinking that she is too grown, and I never wanted them to think that. I believe throughout the years and even until I have held myself back from my development. Never to cross the line of a child’s place by ensuring that I remain as pure, innocent, and clean as possible. Whatever that means.
I also remember covering up myself as a form of protection from prevented hissing men. I would wear baggy t-shirts of the boys/men section from the department stores. As I reflect on it, I wasn’t necessarily ashamed of my womanhood but I was fearful of the baggage that came along with it.
I have a bag full of my own gender stories. I’m still learning and unlearning a lot of these concepts around my gender identity and what it means to be a woman. Since my teenage years, I have grown a new found love and appreciation for my femininity.