Hi Everyone, my name is Nyoka and I am a Business Management student. I was born in Jamaica and migrated to states somewhere around 5-6 years of age. I love to cook, eat, dance, and connect with my friends and family. There is something about togetherness that makes me feel full, warm, and complete. I love sharing stories, I believe stories connect us to knew perspective, ideas, and lifestyles.
I remember the stories that were told in the kitchen, I’m not sure why but they were always told there. These stories would fill my mind with images of darkness, grey and white colored spirits, and spookiness. The chills would run down my back like oil running out of a car.
One story I haven’t considered or labeled is my own gender story. The text stated, “Adolescence and young adulthood are particularly critical times for Identity development”, and I agree. During those stages of my life, I wanted to fit in with a group of people that represented what it meant at the time, to normal and in style. I wanted to be liked, respected, and accepted by my peers. I remember not liking much of myself, every day I’d go home and look at myself in the mirror and say, “Tomorrow will be better”.
I remember not liking what I looked like, I didn’t appreciate the changes that took over my young adolescent body. The overall transition phase from a child, and then to a teen, and then a young adult was overwhelming. As I mentioned before, I grew up in a Caribbean household so I was always conscious about how parents saw me. There’s this thing/stigma about a young girl thinking that she is too grown, and I never wanted them to think that. I believe throughout the years and even until I have held myself back from my development. Never to cross the line of a child’s place by ensuring that I remain as pure, innocent, and clean as possible. Whatever that means.
I also remember covering up myself as a form of protection from prevented hissing men. I would wear baggy t-shirts of the boys/men section from the department stores. As I reflect on it, I wasn’t necessarily ashamed of my womanhood but I was fearful of the baggage that came along with it.
I have a bag full of my own gender stories. I’m still learning and unlearning a lot of these concepts around my gender identity and what it means to be a woman. Since my teenage years, I have grown a new found love and appreciation for my femininity.
Hello Nyoka, we have something in common already, my family is also Jamaican. I think it’s common for girls to question and not like how they look. I also went through the same thing. You start to feel different and look different. I think the most important thing is to love yourself.
Hello Nyoka , I can relate so much to your response, I use to be so afraid and so insecure with myself that I would always wear baggy clothes especially because nowadays we live in a society that if something happens to us women it’s our fault for dressing too provocative. I understand that up to a certain age we must dress as pure as possible but I believe that as we grow up everyone has their style and now even wearing crop tops or shorts can be seen as provocative which I find absurd. Us women need to love ourselves and men need to control themselves without attacking women or approaching women negatively.