“Sex Talks” by Rebecca Kukla, unveils and explains the complexity of language in a sexual environment. We learn very soon that requests, consent and refusal are some of the over simplified terms to explain the thinking process of an individual in these situations. Instead Kukla takes a different approach by analyzing the sexual negotiation of language. This is pragmatics, which analyzes language not only through a word definition lens but rather all factors that influence this language in any way. Let’s first take a look at felicity and propriety norms, these two influence language. Felicity norms are matters needed to be completed in order for words to achieve their purpose. Propriety norms make a speech situationally appropriate therefore as stated by Kukla, “Different speech acts with different force can enable or undetermine ethical, pleasurable, autonomous sex”. Kukla makes 3 important notes of oversimplification, “Consenting typically involves letting someone else do something to you… it puts the requester in the active position and the one who consents in a passive position…much of our sexual communication isn’t about asking for sex and agreeing to it…autonomous, willing participation is necessary for ethical sex but is not sufficient..”. Instead we can approach these situations as an invitation or gift. An invitation needs to be appropriate and it allows the invitee to either deny or accept the invitation freely. A gift is freely given and it is most common among longer relationships. Both approaches need to be felicitous and the following sums up a sexual environment as a gift, “Gifts, by nature, cannot be demanded or even requested. If you ask me to indulge some sexual desire of yours, then my doing so is not a gift but the granting of a favor. A gift must be designed to please the recipient; it might not actually succeed in pleasing, but an offering that is not expected to please is not actually a gift. It is also essential to gift-giving that the recipient need not accept the gift. Gifts that are accepted call for both gratitude and reciprocation from the receiver” (Kukla). This is more or less a desired approach to sex but clear escape words and phrases need to be used to escape an environment that is no longer pleasing.
“Performing Gender and Interpersonal Communication Research” by Elizabeth Bell and Daniel Blaeuer, explains a different approach to gender. Gender as a binary system has been established by society and we have been provided with evidence in previous readings to conclude that this binary system is oppressive. This scholarly research aims to analyze gender as being performative. This is a very important aspect to look at because it literally contradicts all of society’s norms. Saying gender is performative means it is an act, that all we do is on the basis of this specific gender that we were assigned. I think there is currently more openness on the view of gender but I’d like for you to think about the many ways in which your behavior both correlates with traditional gender norms and which ways it does not. This will allow a better understanding on how much behavior is influenced by a category you were assigned.
