As an adult, you begin to realize that sex is a popular topic and is something that is completely appropriate to discuss openly; at an appropriate time of course. We have learned from young that it is completely okay, appropriate, and understandable to deny or refuse to have sex with someone. We are also taught not to force any one to have sex with us, as that is considered rape. However, while there is much emphasis on consent, there is not much on invitation. There have been many times when women would received unsolicited dick picks from men, obviously insinuating their desire to have sex. There has even been times were comments were made about the things that men want to do to women sexually that is not necessarily inviting. All of which are considered degrading, and does not necessarily make a women interested in participating in a sexual encounter. The article “Sex Talks” explains the importance of being inviting when it comes to sex.
Focusing on consent can hinder a bond between two parties. When you request sex from someone and they agree(consent), it is as if they are doing you a favor. Through just consent, sex is usually just a woman agreeing to please a man. Consenting to a sexual encounter means to let someone do something to you. A quirk of invitations, is that, if accepted, gratitude is called for both from the inviter and invitee(Kukla). An invitation can lead to a more positive sexual experience rather than a request. One of the parties, if not both, can initiate the thought of a fantasy, or the thought of pleasing the other party. As most may know, in order to make a women orgasm you must first please their mind. When someone invites a women for sex and discusses her likes and dislikes prior to the actual encounter, 9 out of 10 times she’ll will feel respected, appreciated, wanted, and pleased. Good sexual negotiation requires a collaborative discussion regarding interests, constraints, and limitations. When it comes to sex, the aim is for sexual intimacy, not sexual requests.
There can be times when one may act on a sexual activity just to please the other party. It is also common for women to not feel comfortable in refusing a sexual encounter, even if they do not feel comfortable enough to engage in the activity. Hence the importance of why just consent and refusal are not the only language of sexual negotiation. It is important to be appropriate in your appropriate when discussing sex. It is even more important to effectively negotiate the topic of sex so you know whether or not a person is interested in a sexual encounter, and so you are aware of what the other party is and is not comfortable with. In ethical sex, consent and refusal will not be a topic of discussion. However, there can be ways where an invitation can come across as uninviting and degrading. If you are properly and not forcefully inviting someone for sexual activities, then the proper language will be to accept or deny these encounters.
