Nyoka Foster Discussion 3

Shoulders- I remember when I realized that my shoulder were broad. The feeling of embarrassment would drown me every time I would put on a shirt that emphasized their strength. I was also a tall girl with long limbs and all the other girls around me were narrow and petite. I remember comparing myself to my sister and friend’s physiques because to me they embodied what it was to be feminine. This might sound silly but when I was younger, I wished my parents would have put me a small space to prevent the growth of my abnormally sized pallet. I was aware that my size was intimidating to the boys and that they usually went for girls that were shorter and smaller than they were. I would make jokes about my height and the width of my table-sized shoulders. It was a form of protection, this was to prevent anyone from hurting me first. Over time, I accepted them for the wings that they were. Now, every time I think about my shoulders, I think of great women before like Maya Angelou and my Great grandmother. Although I’ve never met them before, the stories and legacy they’ve left behind make me feel grand. I think of strength, wisdom, and courage. I have also learned that choosing the right clothing/size makes a big difference in how I see myself.

Hair- Black textured hair is political and controversial outside and in our communities. We have been taught that there’s is an obvious distinction between good and bad hair and that Black texture is bad. This why I wrote free, proud, and beautiful. There has been such a turnaround within the Black community where textured has shifted away from shame, it is a symbol of freedom and pride. I believe it was last year (2019) when state laws were passed to stop natural hair discrimination. Now, imagine that. Besides the hair on my head, the people in my family are hairy. We hair hairy leg and arms and that is something was always proud of. It showed me that I belonged here and I found it beautiful and normal.

Stomach- Ok, so… When I was in the 6th grade I had abs, I mean 6 packs. I don’t know why but they were there. As I’ve gotten older, my tummy has grown into a pouch/muffin top with chichos. My clothes no longer fit me with the way they use to and I was becoming sluggish. I poured a lot of my energy into school, work, relationships, etc. I felt as if I neglected myself, and my belly was there to remind me every time I sat down. There were many times I would force “it’s self-love” upon myself as a way to accept my new flabby adult body or use it as an excuse to not work out.  It quickly turned into a never-ending cycle of working out 3-4 times a week, then giving up, making my favorite fudge brownies, and wishing I could remain consistent. You see, I was trying to get back to the old version of myself, and no, not 6th grader me but the me around 18-22. I slim, trim, active, and youthful. So, when I realized that it had more to do with my holding onto the past/youthfulness and less with my outward appearance.

My embodied communication complies with the command performance shifts on case to case basis. I have always been the outlier, I remember when my mom would tell me to stop acting a certain way because it was boy-like. I also remember how confused I was and continued with my “behavior” because I didn’t make any sense and then again, “so what?”.  Another case was when I was in the 3rd grade and my teacher asked us what was career goals and I intentionally stated that I wanted to become a Mechanic. Besides my dad being a Mechanic, I wanted to show that women can do it too. I would also play football to show that it was just about an individual’s ability and will to do it. There has also been an occasion where I had to show the “running like a girl” is synonymous with running very fast.  My experience in a Caribbean household, the woman is oftentimes shrinking themselves even when they are the head of the households. I’ve made a decision not to continue with that tradition, however, I have found myself seeking permission in whether I can move as freely as I’d like.

I would explain my embodied communication as a critical/cultural and or Pchsological theory. I say this because there are patterns (toxic traits/wholesome traits) that are repeated by the older generation that can be adapted by the new generation. There are a lot of traits and concepts I have to unlearn and take into account. One example is the value, role, and purpose of a woman/wife/mother. So often women are defined as what we are to others not what we are to ourselves.