| Mouth – How I talk | Whenever I talk, I like people to listen to me. While many people may mistake this as a weakness, I consider it as my strength. I never fail to speak out whenever I feel I should. Even when I know what I will say might hurt someone, I never hold it back. I always say it confidently. I don’t believe that we should keep quiet on things that matter. Sometimes, people frown when I say something embarrassing. At times, this makes me want to hold back. However, when I remember that it may hurt me in the future, I release it. I use any words that I feel are the most appropriate at the moment. Never holding anything back is what I live for. | As I was growing, my parents always emphasized the need to speak up on things that matter. According to him, we should never allow someone to be downtrodden just because they are less privileged in the society. I believe it is he who inspired the personality of always speaking out my mind in me. | The two theories that in my view relate to my ways of being include; –
1. Cultural theories, 2. Social learning theory. At an early age, my parents emphasized the role that each one of us should play in society, depending on gender. For males like me, we had to be firm and confident. As the social learning theory postulates, it is these memories that determine the gendered conduct of a person in later stages of life. The cultural theory on the other hand portends that it is the society that determines the type of gender people ascribe to. In my case, I was forced to be confident and aggressive due to perceived societal expectations. |
| Legs – How I walk | When I walk, I feel like I own the world. My walking style exudes confidence. I always believe everyone has a role to play on this planet. Since I know my purpose in life, I choose to exemplify it in my walking style. Nonetheless, I do not stand in the way of others. I will always respectfully give way. I believe that a person’s walking style can inform about their character and personality. As a result, I make it my responsibility to portray all the characteristics that I would like to be known for. I hold my head high as if no problem exists in my life. That is how I was brought up. | Since we were young, our parents always insisted that only confident people succeed in life. According to them, confidence was evidenced by attributes such as the way a person speaks, how they dress, or how they present themselves. Walking also indicates an individual’s character. Therefore, it is my parents who inspired my walking style. | |
| Hands – How I work | When I see my hands, I see hard work. I believe that if a person does not work, they should not be allowed to eat. It is this philosophy that guides my feelings towards what I do. I approach my work passionately and pursue it with unending zeal. I will never quit before I finish my work. I also make sure that I always deliver high-quality work. Sometimes, I may feel lazy. However, I always remind myself about my commitment to never tire and proceed to completion. Many people tend to think that I am a workaholic, which irritates me. I cannot comprehend why people cannot distinguish between being a workaholic and being hardworking. To me, they should never be equated. I believe in the mantra, “hard work pays.” | As a person born to parents who are both professionals, the message has always been about the lack of a short cut to success. In their many lectures to my siblings and I, they insisted that hard work was the only way out of poverty. I grew up with that notion in mind to this day. |
- In what ways does your embodied communication comply with the command performance?
GUANTE’s command performance is that society expects males to always man up no matter the circumstances. As detailed in my description and embodied communication in the chart above, I have been forced to comply to this command performance ever since I was young. Society has set various expectations for men. For instance, a man cannot stay without working. As the breadwinner, the man should be aggressive to find the opportunities even if they are rare. Besides, a man should not be timid. Instead, men should exude confidence wherever they go. I have already complied in the command performance through the way I speak, work, and walk. Therefore, my embodied communication fully complies with the ‘man up’ commend performance talked about by GUANTE (2016).
- Are there any ways you have refused a command performance?
Rarely have I refused a command performance. Many times, I have been forced to comply. However, I can remember two incidences when I refused a command performance. The first incident was when a lady insulted me back in my first year. As usual, my friends expected me to either abuse her or hit her. They could not understand how she would keep insulting me without responding. Men are not expected to be inferior to women. However, since I knew that she was mistaking me for someone else, I chose to resist the urge to revenge. Instead, I chose to remain calm defying the expected command performance. In the other instance, I had been hurt by a close friend. As a man, I am not expected to cry or show feelings of being hurt. However, the hurt was so bad that I found myself crying. Of course, many people could not understand this since men are expected to man up. I chose to defy the expected command performance since this was the only way that I could feel better.
- How would you explain your embodied communication using theories from the texts?
From my embodied communication, the conduct and behavior was as a result of the desire to conform to my gender identity. The role played by my parents reinforced this behavior. Arguably, children are expected to behave in a particular way or face punishment. With my parents as my mentors, I had people to observe and learn from. In particular, I learned that men ought to be brave. Women on the other hand ought to be passive and submissive as Button Poetry (2013) says. According to the social learning theory, children learn by observing what relatively older people or their guardians do. In particular, they understand societal norms, gender identity, and acceptable habits (Palczewski et al., 2019). For instance, as we grew up, young girls used to be encouraged to be neat and well behaved. Boys on their part were trained to be independent and to have control of their emotions. Where either portrayed these tendencies, they were rewarded. The communication also agrees with the cultural theories which suggest that culture determine the gender identity of a person.
Hey Abdoul, wow it is very interesting to read how you think about your walk. I usually do not pay attention to someone’s walk but I agree that your walk can portray confidence. One important aspect that I’ll like to point out is how this “meaningless” action (walking) is viewed in regards to gender. The walk of a woman is largely sexualized, if a woman is trying to portray confidence, they might be perceived as trying to show off their body parts. I have a friend whose walk to me is empowering, but to many it was called sexy. I have become aware of this while reading your story, thank you.