Hi everyone! My name is Michelle Rodriguez and I am a Gender & Women’s Studies Major. Two years ago I finally took the leap and enrolled back in school after many years of procrastinating and making excuses. My sons were already young men, one is already a father, making me a grandmother. So I had nothing but free time.
My main reason for enrolling in school was to learn Spanish. I work for a small personal injury law firm here in New York City and I am unable to communicate with at least a quarter of the clients because of said language barrier. Ironically, I was called in for an interview at my current firm because of my last name. When people see Rodriguez they automatically assume 1. you’re Spanish/Hispanic and 2. you speak Spanish. I am Puerto Rican but unfortunately for me, I do not speak Spanish, although I am able to understand a lot of it, but that doesn’t really help me much in communicating with someone. Luckily for me, I impressed them enough that they looked past my inability to speak Spanish and hired me along with someone who did speak Spanish.
When I first enrolled at BMCC, I thought going into Criminal Justice would be perfect for me as I have always been interested in the law, though I never wanted to be a lawyer because I don’t think/feel I am aggressive enough but I didn’t mind being behind the scenes- researching, preparing paperwork, etc. All that changed when I went on the BMCC website and came across the Gender and Women’s Studies major. It was like something clicked and I knew this is the area of study I wanted to get into. And I am glad that I did. Though I am still undecided as to what I want to do, like in the article, Gender Stories, my “story” is still being written and I have made many choices that lead me where I am and there will be many more choices to be made on a daily basis, each choice contributing to the path I am on, eventually leading me where I will end up. And I certainly welcome the challenge.
Growing up, my household didn’t focus much on gender, but I can remember times it did play a part. I grew up with my dad, stepmother, 2 sisters and my little brother. My father eventually had a son (my brother) with my stepmother, but by then I had graduated high school and moved out. My father for the most part let us be who we were. We lived in Brooklyn Heights, across the street from the promenade, less than a block from the park. Needless to say, my siblings and I lived at the park. Climbing trees, riding bikes, playing baseball, tag, etc. My parents let us be kids for the most part. Our only “job” being to go to school. But I can also remember my stepmother having the girls wash the laundry because we were girls and that’s what girls did. Or washing the dinner dishes again because “that’s what girls do.” My brother took out the garbage because “that’s what boys do.” I can remember thinking “who made these rules?” As I got older I realized this is just learned behavior passed down from generation to generation. And in order for it to change, it has to start with us. My dad on the other hand taught my sisters and I everything he taught my brother because as he would state “you don’t need a man.” Which has sort of been my guide when raising my sons. They should be able to do for themselves and not expect a women to do for them simply because she is a “woman.” Whether it is cooking a meal, washing their clothes, cleaning their apartment, etc.
I think we need to breakaway from past generations/cultures, beginning with gender roles, what a woman or man should and should not do simply because of prehistoric teachings. We should be teaching acceptance. And we should be celebrating our differences and making more of an effort to get to know and understand each other before judging them.
That’s really cool that you’ve already accomplished so much so far as being a mother and you then decided to return to school. I think I am arriving at a similar idea so far as my story goes. There’s this interplay between my gender and my story. This quote hints at that,“As your internal state and outward actions change, so does your gendered self”(Murphy 10). I think we both realize we had other things to do before school, and the limits imposed on me by life, also limited the way I could actualize my gender. I think the binary of gender produces other binaries, and thought can sometimes seem very black and white, good versus evil. Gender studies has given me the ability to see things outside of a binary: sort of a word then a divide then another word; now I see this overlap, this interconnectedness rather than dramatic differences: an intersectionality. I’m not sure what I’m going to do either, but I’m cautiously excited about how every choice will play out, where before a binary left me with no choice.
Works Cited
Murphy, Bren Ortega. “Foss, Sonja K., Mary E. Domenico, and Karen A. Foss. Gender Stories: Negotiating Identity in a Binary World.” Communication Research Trends, vol. 32, no. 2, 2013, p. 27+. Gale Academic OneFile, https://link-gale-com.bmcc.ezproxy.cuny.edu/apps/doc/A335922518/AONE?u=cuny_mancc&sid=AONE&xid=cec4f65c. Accessed 25 May 2020.
Hi Michelle , thanks for sharing ! I enjoyed reading . Similar events happened to me myself , when it comes to the men in our lives thinking ” that’s what boys do” and ” that’s what girls do ” I like the little thought that you had of who made that rule up ? and that expectations should be broken when it comes to what men and women should do versus the other . I believe its unhealthy for the future mindsets of those who believe that gender roles play a part in everyday life. it can affect us in the work place, business, relationships etc. On how we treat and communicate with others. You are absolutely right that everyone isn’t the same , we are all different and have different values which should be understood instead of dismissed.
I hope everything works out in favor for you and your career ! Glad you found something that interests you enough to chase after !
Hi Michelle, I love how your parents raised you in a non judgement environment. I feel as though parents should let kids be kids and grow up into who they want to be. Your parents did a great job.
Lovely story Michelle! I love the fact that your dad wanted you, your sisters and brothers to be independent and know how to do all kind of work. I grow up in a family where every body will have to help take care of the dishes, the laundry and the bathroom. It was a sort of a team work. And doing it together was fun and rapidly done.
Hi Michelle, thanks for sharing! That is truly inspiring that you’ve chosen to come back to school. I think this serves as a great example to your kids, grandson, and others. Similar events happened to me when it comes to how communication impacted my gender perspective as a kid. I also grew up in a household where the girls washed the laundry and washed the dishes because “that’s what girls do. The boys would take out the garbage because “that’s what boys do.” However, as I got older, I started to understand that this all happened because that was a mindset that my parents inherited from our ancestors, and it was passed down. That when I think that education comes into place where we study different identities and explore different perspectives of gender and sexual identity to expand our perspectives.
Hi Michelle,
It’s great that you decided to go back to school! I can relate a little as my path to education is somewhat unconventional as well.
I agree that children need to be taught everything equally, without the labels of a “woman’s/girl’s/man’s/boy’s work” – everyone should simply be able to do as much as they can to be self-sustainable.
It’s truly interesting to learn what ideas about gender people grew around and how it affected their own identity. I spent my early childhood with my grandparents, who very much supported the gender role division, but as I grew older, I started to live with my mother, who rarely pushed me to adhere to certain gender norms, and overall, could do anything herself – I remember us renovating our apartment together when I was 9. This way, I grew up not “needing a man”, but still “needing a man”, which is a weird place to be.
Hi Nastassia! Thank you! I agree, it really is interesting reading about how others view gender and how it helps shape them. Helps to understand a person better.
Hello Michelle,
First I will start off saying that I am so glad you have decided to go back to school! I did not go straight into college after graduating high school, so I totally understand the reluctance. I am also Puerto Rican and do not speak Spanish, and I am teased about it all the time. I have family members and in laws that their primary language is Spanish, so there is a language barrier that hinders potential relationships. However, just like you, I make it work and show my love for them regardless. I admire that you have raised your sons to be self sufficient. I do not believe in gender roles within a relationship, and find it a nuisance when you feel like you have to “raise” a grown individual who should be self sufficient.
Hi Tiffany! Thank you! So funny, I am always teased about my inability to speak Spanish. Especially that I love Spanish music and can sing along to it. Even at work I hear it, all in fun of course, because my co-worker who is Asian speaks Spanish! One day though that will change.