Hi Everyone, my name is Mya. I am from the Bronx, born and raised. I’ve lived in various parts of the Bronx, upstate NYC, new jersey, and now I live in Queens NY. I was raised by my mother, and only my mother. For twelve years it’s always been just me and my mother so I grew up in a feminine environment. My mother always kept me looking very much girly, I was definitely the princess of the family. I grew up to be even more girly. I have to always have my nails done, hair done, I love makeup (I am a makeup artist), and I love dressing nice and taking pictures. When I was in my early teenager years I modeled, and even now I still take taking pictures seriously (everything has to be perfect). In my early teens I was very slim, and basically no fat. I always thought that I wanted to be thicker. My mother, aunts, and older cousins all has hips, butt, and big breast. I was basically a stick compared to them. I remember doing unhealthy practices in attempt to gain weight. All while my mother kept telling me to watch how much and what I was eating because as I got older the food with begin to make me gain weight. I didn’t think nothing of it, because I was always so skinny. I wanted to gain weight, but I thought it was only but so much weight I could possibly gain. In my senior year of highschool is when I started noticing my weight increase. I went from being 125 pounds to 135. I remember my first year of college I weigh 140. I could not believe it one bit. I never could get passed 120-125 pounds, now I was about 20 pounds heavier. After my first year of college, I went back home for good and was in a depressed mode trying to find out what I wanted to do with my life. My eating habits got completely out of control. I went from 140 pounds to 160 pounds. That’s when I realized how easy it was to gain weight, and not being able to track it until you’re busting out of your clothes. I then went from 160 to 180. I knew I was beginning to loose myself if I reached 200 pounds, that was 80 pounds over my normal. Currently, I am experiencing mild insecurity trying to get back to my weight goal of 140. Being a woman, especially a woman who grew up in a household where your mother is watching your weight has been very hard for me. I secretly going through my insecurity. Sometimes I record my youtube videos, and will delete it just because my double chin is showing too much. As a woman, keeping up with your weight can be a struggle and can be an insecurity when you feel like you don’t look as good as you used to.
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Hi Mya.
I think this is really interesting as it’s essentially the inverse of what we saw in the videos “Disappearing and Reappearing Act” and “You Did It Girl”. Owing to the influence of the culture of your family, and culture is defined as,”Culture is “learned patterns of behavior and attitudes shared by a group of people” (Martin and Nakayama 2004, p.3)(qtd. in DeFrancisco 43). This is also a good example of how the people we surround ourself with influence our tastes. You wanted to look more like your family members just to fit maybe. In that process of trying to flatter through imitation, you came to realize you were accepted as you were, as opposed to being accepted for who you could be. I think it’s unfortunate that people tend to think they must meet qualifiers to acceptance, and that the realization that you are already accepted can sometimes come at the expense of your health. I really hope you can get back to the weight you feel most comfortable with. All of this will be of great importance in formulating your unique story, which is basically,“Psychologist Roger Frie suggests that when you answer this question, you organize details about yourself into a story that makes sense of your life by giving meaning to your past and pointing to your future”(qtd in Murphy 10). I think this story is a really good example of what women experience. This desire to appeal by being “thick” just like some women try to appeal by being skinny. It shows a difference of ideals based on race, and presents this valuation of women on the basis of their bodies, rather than their self. It’s really sad that these cultures continue to develop,and I really hope that these “body positivity” movements really start to show women that every shape and size is beautiful.
Works Cited
DeFrancisco, Victoria L., et al. Gender in Communication : a Critical Introduction. Second ed., 2014.
Murphy, Bren Ortega. “Foss, Sonja K., Mary E. Domenico, and Karen A. Foss. Gender Stories: Negotiating Identity in a Binary World.” Communication Research Trends, vol. 32, no. 2, 2013, p. 27+. Gale Academic OneFile, https://link-gale-com.bmcc.ezproxy.cuny.edu/apps/doc/A335922518/AONE?u=cuny_mancc&sid=AONE&xid=cec4f65c. Accessed 25 May 2020.
Great comment Matthew! You are so right, I didnt realize that I wanted to gain weight just to fit in!
Hello Maya,
I really found your side of story very interesting and completely new to me.Your hubbies, passion on what you do and how you grew up. I grew up as a term boy and trust me I am 25 now and I don’t know how to do make up at all.(which I like to do seeing my most of all girls but unfortunately I cannot ) and very bad at taking photos :). And you being perfectionist on what you wanted to be is really fascinating to me.
Going through your story the issue you have of gaining your weight and developing insecurity ,I believe is very common concern on the society where we live in especially for girls. Physical appearance has being playing the big part on letting people deciding who you are.
But personally I believe we should not let our appearance to be our weakness at all, instead admire of being new ourself every new day. For me what defines me is who am I inside so as a friend I am telling this You should not let your insecurity to kill your inner beauty and what actually defines you. You are always beautiful and adore yourself 🙂
Thank you so much Srijana for this comment. This is very sweet, and you are completely right. My inner beauty is what matters the most!
Hello Mya,
Thank you for sharing with us on your journey. The society we live in today always has something to say about others’ appearances, whether it is male or female. for example, skinny females need to gain more weight, or men need to be at least 6ft. us humans struggle with our appearance since we were born. when we were little boys and girls, we wouldn’t care how our hair looked or if our bellies were as round as a beach ball but it seems that nowadays, everyone wants to please everyone but themselves. sometimes change is good, but only if we’re doing it for ourselves but not to reach someone else standards. We’re all beautiful in our ways, whether if were 20 pounds heavier or skinner, 2ft smaller or taller, etc. Being a woman is hard, debating with your mind and opinions if you look good as you did 2 years ago. You are beautiful Myra, don’t ever think you’re not because you are both mentally and physically.
Thank you so much for this comment Megan! You pointed out a major issue in our society which is trying to meet beauty standards! We have to be okay with being different, and conforming to our own versions of beauty.
Hi Maya, I hope all is well! I am definitely able to understand where you’re coming from. I remember how self-conscious I was about my own body and whether or not it was womanly enough. I would drink ensure/supligen and eat a lot to put on those gains. Now that I’m older, I have realized that I want to just be fit/toned and overall just healthy. It is not easy, I feel like I’m constantly sizing up myself in the mirror. Body insecurity is so real.
Thank you so much for this comment Nyoka. That is so true, body insecurity is a killer. We either feel too skinny or too fat. Its best we find a happy medium and learn to love ourselves all throughout our process.
Hi Mya, with this quarantine I gain 20 pounds so fast I could even do anything about it now I am 200 pounds i am 5’6 feet tall, and my doctor told me that I am obese like it is a crime and she tried to shame me but instead trying to lose weigh by unhealthy method like those girls on social media who are promoting unhealthy weigh loss products I just focus to eat 1200 0r 1400 calories a day and stay away from fast food, and most importantly focus on my metal health by meditating. Meditation is a good way to find yourself and fall in love with it.
Thank you so much for this comment Lisa. I definitely understand your struggle. It is so easy for me to gain weight (especially with the gym’s being closed). Thank you the tips. Especially the mental health tip, because that is always the start to a healthier life!
My name is Symone Mack my major is business management. I’ve had some struggles within my last 2 semesters. Although I’m finally coming to an end I graduate with my associates September 2020.My goal is to own a business dealing with clothing because I find a great interest in fashion. Something like a store or maybe even possible just a stylist shawding celebrities and having everyone recognize who I am . Based off of great energy and the success of expressing how someone feel through their looks. I’m a very optimistic person, although I may not take it to calmly but I am listening. I can always admit when I’m wrong and I’m still a growing and learning.Truthfully I added this class based on my degree works.So far i can determine that I’m actually going to be in the drive for learning why more than just having a requirement for a degree and I’m not mad at that.
All of these videos were actually more loving and momentum than accepted. When I heard gender and communication, I literally think of just comprehending a specific sex. Based of these videos it was more than that from loving one another to skin, to visions of how people view each other. There were actually two videos I thought about my self. One would be the eczema. No I do not have eczema but I do have high pigment around my neck which is a bit discolored. Nothing major but it’s a discomfort to myself . In which so completely understood how uncomfortable she was about her eczema. The second video I thought was interesting is when the young lady cared about her body image. She was already to full expectations. Such as being the “skinny girl”. The difference is I also look at my self thinking I need to look better. Fortunately I do not feel that deep about trying to harm myself while doing it. But it is something I really fell self conscious about although probably no one would ever know because of how I carry myself with confidence.
I grew up in a home where all the women in my family worked until it was no more. Expectations for females in my family is very high from cooking to learning, to literally how you go about your everyday life. Yes the women in my family have husbands. For some odd reason women are the super heros within the family. I’m not sure if it’s a religion or something that’s historical within the family but it’s very overwhelming.Growing I was an all honor roll student and was still not good enough. At the age of 18 I got my own home and was able to do for myself as expected to do as my family raised me to do. I just feel sometime it’s okay to let the man take over and not be so aggressive and controlling. Maybe one day I can prove that and still continue to be successful. Without being stressed out and overwhelmed.
I do not judge anyone , but people such as family which should be your number one supporters, should just do better . As for myself I’m going to continue the way I feel is comforting and still be successful at the end. One day my family and other who think like this will have an open mindset and will understand the point of view that open do not always have to work ten times harder and that they are appreciated.Think of it has having a secret weapon.
Hi Symone, I think you posted your entry in my comments by accident. You should repost on the general page so that you receive your credit 🙂