I am Stephany Pineda Cardoso, I love watermelon and I am majoring in communication studies. I was greatly educated by the reading assigned and even had a hour long discussion with my mom about our gender identities, this in turn helped me analyze and develop my story below. I was also specifically intrigued by the video Be A Man because I identified myself with him in a similar way.
I thought I didn’t have a gender story, and I don’t want to tell you the story of a Latina who has been oppressed by macho views because it is an experience that I have barely lived; I have seen and listened to other women being oppressed by macho views their whole lives in such an intense way, that this is a story for them to tell. Mine is a little unconventional, I have been a spectator with intertwined Mexican machismo roots that have not caught up with me until recently. My mother grew up living within very strict norms, in a village where gender roles are clear and followed till this day. Women cook, serve, clean, love their families, and are forbidden to become a rumor. Somehow, my mom broke these chains, she is the eldest of more than 12 siblings and her path is an outcast. She never understood the rationality behind the standards and expectations that women were led to, she questioned why people tried to limit her ability because she was a woman. She is a single mother and has been my only clear example for 18 years of my life, it has only been me and her most of the time, away from all the influences that would have shaped my mentality negatively.
I did not become consciously aware of my encounters with machismo until recently. As a child I never questioned or understood my surroundings; Why were only fathers called to discipline their children harshly? Why were girls in the household encouraged to cook while men threw the trash, went to the store, or joked around? I never had a clear example of “what it meant” to be a woman or a man because my mom has been both, so I assumed both roles were equal. Not being held up to traditional gender roles has been a positive experience but becoming aware of this has been challenging. How can I use this information?
I called my grandparents in Mexico recently and shared my life updates. I told them that I bought a sewing machine and that I was making my mom a dress for Mother’s Day. My grandma was happy because my mom never fulfilled her expectations with “womanly” roles, and my grandfather was proud. I was excited to tell them I cut my hair, but it felt like I was shot in the face right after. “You are not a boy!” is one of the first things I got told, “women don’t cut their hair short”, “you looked so beautiful with long hair”, was I not beautiful now? My mind twirled, my heart sank, my grandfather disapproved, my grandma stood shut. I was forbidden to do this again; I know his views were different, but I couldn’t help feeling miserable. Many expressed disappointment as if I didn’t know any better. It was the first time someone had boldly pointed at my gender and held me down because of it. From this, I now know how privileged I am for not being influenced by traditional gender roles as a child. I am proud that my interest in sewing did not develop because I was forced or pressured to do so like my mother was. My cut ponytails are my trophies, they are my strength to defy these traditional gender roles. I will not apologize because of my “inadequate behavior” as a woman. I was ignorant for a long time about surroundings, right now I still do not fully understand the information I have learned about myself, but I am further exploring this experience.
Hi.
Thank you Stephany. It’s really interesting to hear how you encountered machismo within your family. It seems like it justified men abdicating their responsibilities, and leaving those to your mother. It speaks to the character of your mother that she did not conform to the expectations of other men. The idea that her choosing not to limit herself by gender roles led to her being labeled an outcast is disheartening. The story at the end when you cut your hair short and it led to your family chastising you is also a clear example of social constructionism.This quote encapsulates how social constructionism works,”Social constructionists believe that many things we typically leave unquestioned as conventional ways of life actually reflect historically- and culturally-rooted power relationships between groups of people, which are reproduced in part through socialization processes, where we learn conventional ways of thinking and behaving from our families and communities”(Kang). By reinforcing this idea that cutting your hair was something only boys do, gender norms were re-established at your expense.
This reminds me of an article I read recently that posited that the machismo of modern”chicanos” stems from the influence of Anglo-American culture. “His “machismo” is an adaptation to oppression and poverty and low self-esteem. It is the result of hierarchical male dominance. The Anglo, feeling inadequate and inferior and powerless, displaces or transfers these feelings to the Chicano by shaming him”(Anzaldua 176). I don’t know if any of that is applicable to you or your family, but it’s an interesting justification for why machismo is prevalent in the “chicano”culture. It connects to the system of patriarchy which is,“When analysts of gender talk about patriarchy, they are not talking about the domination of one man over one woman but are talking about a hierarchical system that exercises hegemonic control wherein men are privileged over women, and some men are privileged over men(Defrancisco 46).
It’s really unfortunate that society continues to operate in such a way where we experience sexism on an intimate level due to the influence of matters largely out of our control.
I think it’s great that you are processing and developing from your unique experience.
Works Cited
Anzaldua, Gloria. “La Conciencia De La Mestiza/Towards A New Consciousness.” Introduction to Women’s,Gender & Sexuality Studies, Oxford University Press, 2018, pp. 1–636.
DeFrancisco, Victoria L., et al. Gender in Communication : a Critical Introduction. Second ed., 2014.
Kang, Miliann, et al. “ UNIT II: CHALLENGING BINARY SYSTEMS AND CONSTRUCTIONS OF DIFFERENCE.” http://Openbooks.library.umass.edu/, 2017, openbooks.library.umass.edu/introwgss/front-matter/introduction-to-women-gender-sexuality-studies/.
Hello Stephany,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can definitely relate to your story. I currently have long hair and whenever my grandma would come over she would tell me, “You have beautiful black long hair, don’t cut it”. I would always respond “And if I do?”. She goes, “You wouldn’t look good maybe as a boy”. I know she’s joking but the mentality is so old fashioned. Society perspective, women are supposed to have long gorgeous hair while the men have the shape ups. Says who though? Women can rock any hairstyle a man can or vice versa. The words of encouragement and determination you made throughout your story portrays how proud you took a stand for yourself.
Everyone has a different mentality. the older generation is still stuck in their times when the women are housewives and then men are the hunter. men can accomplish the same as women, vice versa.
Watermelon IS a near-perfect food, IMO. I am also so glad that you and your mom talked about this. I have found talking to my mother about who I was as a child has helped me understand a lot about myself.