My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell is unlike anything I’ve ever read before. To start off, this book with the pretty cover isn’t a lighthearted read. Meaning it is NOT for everyone. Be warned, the author’s beautiful use of words and metaphors throughout the entirety of this book will have you invested not only mentally but emotionally, just like it had me.
For a long time, books depicting relationships with a significant age gap were considered revolting, offensive or disturbing. They were taboo and rejected by the majority of society, making people question the morality of readers who indulged in these types of stories. On the other hand some readers, whether they were young or older, considered these stories as a true romance. Lolita, a fascinatingly written and renowned classic novel, was quoted as the “love story of the century” by Vanity Fair. The Lover, another story of a taboo relationship, yet easy to make out as a love story because of the romanticization of the situation. If one can see, and think beyond the beautiful language all of these stories undeniably have then one can ultimately make out that they are, without a doubt, tragic stories.
I have read all of these books, as well as watched the films, yet My Dark Vanessa is the only book that dives into the inevitable damage a victim of grooming will carry into their adult life. The story transitions between 15-year-old Vanessa from the past, and a 32-year-old Vanessa in the present. In the present Vanessa is a hotel concierge that is keeping up with a breakout story of multiple women coming out years later to speak about their experiences with their high school teacher Strane. Vanessa is contacted by a journalist encouraging her to share her story as well. However, Vanessa refuses as she doesn’t believe these women and also does not view her experience with Strane as abusive.
Early on in the book we find out that she still keeps regular contact with Strane, her high school teacher whom she had a relationship with. The entirety of Vanessa’s relationship with Strane is shown in the chapters of her as a teenager. Vanessa describes the relationship as something that happened consensually, a mutual attraction between a shy withdrawn teenager and an older man who has, what he describes, a dark romanticism to him that was ignited only by her. Strane becomes embedded in Vanessa by telling her that she is like no other student he has ever met, making her feel unique and special. It doesn’t take long for Vanessa to confide in him entirely body and soul. This leads to a troubled and scandalous relationship that becomes difficult to hide, but somehow still lasts well into her early 20s.
In her early adult life Strane no longer wants to have a relationship with Vanessa and tries to encourage her to move forward with her life. Vanessa refuses, she looks for him and refuses to cut ties with him. She attempts to relive her experiences with Strane but their relationship isn’t like before. He becomes inconsistent but also consistent enough to keep Vanessa under his control where he can come and go as he pleases. As Vanessa gets older she doesn’t pursue a career in what she loves to do, she turns to alcohol and smoking to cope with her insecurities and uneventful adult life. As more women come out against Strane, he asks Vanessa to help him clear his name. She is unsure of what to do as she is slowly realizing that what she had with Strane wasn’t love like she always believed it was, but instead she was a victim of a pedophile who took advantage of her. Vanessa struggles with accepting the reality of what happened to her up until the end.
If you can stomach it, although graphic and deeply unsettling, it is an important read. The struggles of victims are often overlooked, the take from society often superficial and insensitive. We finally get into the ugly dark reality of what we already know is wrong. I encourage you to appreciate the alluring language of this book, but to also realize that it can be used to manipulate, gaslight, and be dismissive.
Get the book! Check out My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell at the New York Public Library, the Brooklyn Public Library, or the Queens Public Library.
About the author This review is by StarGirl.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 4.0 International License.
