SPE 100-1203 (Sat)
Due date:
Finish BEFORE CLASS
Sat Sep 17
SPE 100-1900 (M/W)
Due date:
Finish BEFORE CLASS
Wed Sep 14
- Your first project in this class is to deliver a 3-5 minute personal narrative for your classmates. A personal narrative is the story of a specific, pivotal moment in your life. Brainstorm 2-3 possible topics for your personal narrative.
- Write your personal narrative as an essay.
- Turn that essay into a public speaking outline and post it in the comments below.
- Refer to the following document for help: CREATING A PUBLIC SPEAKING OUTLINE
-when i was walking to the park I saw something
-that catch my attention, so I stop to watch
– he was whistling to birds that was flying toward him
`i wondering how is he doing something good.
so many questions to ask him, how he learned that,
anybody can whistle but
` he had the birds on his body
on his shoulder feeding the birds also.
after he was finishing i walk up to him
and ask how long he learned how to whistle,
the guy said Well took time and work,
and my next question was show u that skill
well, he told his mother did since he was only five years old
i was amazing gift u have sir, the guy says thank u
Covid 2020
– High School
* End of the year
* Cancelation of school/senior activities
* Virtual class
– Summer
* Nation wide lockdown
* Unemployment
* Personal crisis
* New Hobbies
– Start of college
* Online classes
* Tutoring
* Looking for at home jobs
* Ending personal crisis
16 year old boy pushing diabetes
-Doctor visits were always criticizing
-Would walk around in my dad clothes cause they fitted
-I would never like the way I looked in the mirror
-Being judged by my own parents for looking the way i do
-Never would get the respect from other girls to even look or talk to me
-One day my friends took me to the Planet Fitness on Dyckman
– I had a hard time at first but strived to be better for myself
-Never would skip a day even when friends didn’t want to go
-Stayed clean and committed for 6 month until my next doctors visit
-Came back to the doctors 30 pounds less
-the look on his face made me want to strive harder
My early life
– what i did growing up
– getting bullied
middle of my life
– getting into trouble in Middle school
– working my first job
– finding my passion
I always had a dream of coming to USA not because it is the most advanced countries in the world but because USA is a land of opportunity and there are equal rights for men and women. When I won the Diversity Visa back in the year 2003, I could not define what it meant to me.
When I came to the United States, I was amazed how people have respect for women. Back in my country, women are regarded as burden. They are not allowed to wear certain clothes. Here everyone is treated with respect. There is so many opportunities here if you are willing to put effort and work hard.
Living in US, I have learned a lot. How to be independent and know my strength and weakness. Back in my country no one goes to school at my age. People laugh at you. The best thing about this country is that there is no age limit for going to school. Here I’m working and going to school. Going to school has taught me a lot. I have so many options, I can fulfill my dream.
Transitioning to a Transman
-Growing up I never liked feminine clothes
-I started having interest in females and nothing towards males.
-I expressed to my family when I was in 6th grade
-I started taking testosterone
-After two months my voice started changing and I grew hair I’ve never had
-I started planning out surgery
–
My later teenage years going into college
-not taking applications serious
-showing up but really not there mentally
I always had a vision I’m my head that life was going to be different by the time I was 21 little did I know life had other plans for me. Everything came crashing down at once as I was now forced to adapt and learn quick to my environment from getting a job to saying no to friends when it came time to go outside and just have fun.
-end of high school
-beginning of college
-not applying my self in college
-redemption
The year
March-2020 mid Senior year
Covid hit
Locked down can’t see my family or friends
April- had a hard time adapting to online classes
May-Have to wait in long lines to get food
My best friend tells me she joined the military
June – Finally graduated
No prom the night I waited 3 years for
No graduation ceremony
July- My childhood friend passes away
Cause of death still unknown
August- My best friend leaves to boot camp
My grandma finds out she has cancer
September to December
Going to chemo with her everyday
Started college online
Celebrated my 18th birthday
-Mama passing away
-Talk every day
-Lol
-21
-Five ting with Andrea
-On my knees on Harlem
-In the hallway with Dee Ju
-Papa’s face
-Soulmates
-Climbing in bed with Mama
-A world that looks the same
-Fire and ice
-Carrying your grief
-Fused together with gold
Project, deliver 3-5 min personal narrative to class. It needs to be a pivotal (life changing event) moment in your life. 2-3 possible topics for your personal narrative.
Project: Boot camp
Before- (interact with the audience)
before i joined the military, I was a single parent working at mount sinai as a medical assistant. I was on terrible terms with my son’s mother and trying to find a way to get back to school to pursue my goal of becoming a nurse. So, when I was informed that if i joined the military, I’ll be able to receive their benefits and be able to get back on track to go back to college and achieve my goal. So I made the decision to join and at first I was thinking of joining the national guard, but then when I mentioned it to my son’s mother. She made a comment on how national guards are not the best choice and so I decided to join navy then because I didn’t want her to bad mouth about my decision and make me feel some type of way. Honestly, I should of gone with my original option because I probably would have had a better outcome but who knows.
During:
So I enlisted and i didnt wait long to get shipped out, maybe 1 month but it flew by fast. I rememeber how nervouse and anxious I was when I was leavingto navy boot camp. I didnt know what to expect and the first thing I remember when I was landed in chicago and being excorted to the pick up zone was right off the bat there was already yelling. and it was a commonding officer in uniform yelling at the arriving recruits to line up in rows and stand at attention and awit for further instructions. i was taken by surprised and did as i was told but I was not expecting this right away because I figure the training and yelling would start at boot camp! But nope i was wrong. The bus arrives and when we got on, we weren’t allow to look outside or intract with other people, our instruction was to watch this small monitor on the bus olaying an old video of what to expect during our navy boot camp training. Before the video ends were being yelled at and told to get off the bus and move with a perpouse inside the building. I rememeber how nervous I was and how i didn’t 2want to make an mistake because I would get yelled at and put on the spot and i rmemeber there was one kid who accidently put his bag into the cart where they were collecting our yellow envoples we left and the commanding officer was so furiouse she cursed and said “ get your fucking bag out my cart!” and grabs the bag and flungs it down a hallway and I said to myself “oh shit…” our first night of arrival, we were kept awake for 24 hours, so from 8pm to 10pm the next day we stayed awake as we were showned our dorms and did drills. We also didn’t received our actual RTC( recruit training commanders) becasue we arrived on holiday so our training was extendted and at the same time playing catch up due to the limited days we had lost during that time. everything else happended so fast but my time there was intense. Days felt like weeks because everyday was always an learning disaplanery course. from waking up at 5am to get ready in 10mins, to eating a certain way and even walking and standing a certain way. Everything was uniformed. i never realised how privlaged i had life as an civilian. Things i took for granted and the military boot camp made me realise that. Why I remember how during one of dorm cleaning routine, I looked outside the barred window on the open grass fields ain the distanct and how i wished I could walk outside to just get some fresh air and enjoy the outdoor. but i couldnt because I detained indoors and only allowed to step outside if it was require of me and that would only be if my unit was relocating to another building for more training.
I was only able to get out because once I found out the benefits I was promised, I wont be able to recieved it until i complete my first year of service and that’s after my boot camp and job training. Also i wouldnt be able to actualy take any days off untill after the first year and if its alined to the governments schedule, I realized this wasn’t for me. I spoke to some commaning officers and was able to get an honorable discharged and return to my civilain life. It took some adjusting to get back to civilian norm but theres are days where i do miss boot camp. During my time there it also helped me refelct a lot on my life and because of my experience there I came back a better person then when I eneter. I patched things up with my son’s mother and we now have a healthy co-parenting relationship. Im more confident in interations and im more open to trying out new things and food because of the uncomfortable situations I forced to endure during my training like eating food I never had. Overall yeah joining the military was my pivotal moment.
Death of both grandparents
– summer 2021 in Pakistan
– grandpa died in August
– couldn’t celebrate my 18th birthday
– started to go out and visit places in Pakistan
– flight gets canceled
– missed the first month and a half of senior year
– coming back and going to school
– catching up on work
– starts t catch up on work and grandma passes away
– has to go back to Pakistan
– falls back again
– comes back catches up on work again
2022
I decided study in us college
Hardships with tuition and living expenses.
Part-time job to earn tuition fees at Japan
Living in a hotel for a month
Difficulty finding an apartment
Living alone in the United States for the first time
Life without anyone, friends or acquaintances
Cultural differences
year 2018 soccer
march ranking up to play with u-14
mid march doing good at field.
June kept doing good.
July got ask to go to Miami to play.
did good at Miami
messed up in semifinal
went home proud
2 months before got MVP of the year
“Ending a Relationship” by Yessybel Ferreiras.
1. Denial
-July 9, 2022
– Hopes that the situation would get better
– Waiting on a change, one day patiently, and one day losing my patience
– Spent months hanging on
2. Anger
– Angry at myself and hating myself, very hard on myself’
– Resenting this person and all his friends/ family
– Verbal abuse/expression
– Self destructing myself
3. Bargaining
– Trying to restore the relationship, again!
– Throwing solution cards on the table
– Feeling delusional for putting my pride aside
4. Depression
– My sadness phase, grieving/ persistent crying everyday/heartaches/
– Watching his stories from a fake page/ no sleep up all night/ self reflecting/ feeling ugly inside and out for things I said/
– Pushing my loved ones away/ Resisting the urge to drink and party/ overthinking/ lots of praying/ on my bed all day/ no eating
5. Acceptance
– I put the pieces together/ taking my time to think of everything that happened this past year/ taking accountability for my own actions/ learning from mistakes from the past/ growing as an individual
6. Meeting Myself Again
– keeping myself busy/ still taking my time to heal/ working on myself/ feeling alive again
I considered several different occupations and trades throughout my gap year while I considered what I wanted to do with my life, but because of the summer job I had, I ultimately chose to return to school at the end of August. My brother would get me a job as a helper in a plumbing company for the summer.My brothers were both in the construction industry, so I thought I’d try my go at plumbing.I would put on a t-shirt, jeans, and steel toe boots for my first day.I would be paired up with a mechanic out in the field so I could observe him work and learn from him.We would receive a job for an apartment building in Manhattan, but the office was in Astoria, so we had to be there by 7:30. Astoria was 50 minutes away from my place.With our equipment loaded and a driver in a van, we would travel there.On the drive to the location, the vans would be packed with other workers who spoke Spanish and engaged in conversation.Since the van had no air conditioning and was crowded, I knew I would be sweating there because it was hot.We had to perform a drain blockage in the basement floor when we arrived at the site, so we sent a 75-foot rope down the drain to see if we could push or pull whatever was stuck there.I could hear the cable clanking against the drain pipe since the machine was so noisy. The wire had a hair at the
end and was gray. Although the fragrance wasn’t strong, it was like that of dry paint.We had to relocate the equipment and walk to each of the five drains that
needed to be drained.My feet were throbbing and hurting because of the work boots I was wearing.It would be lunchtime when Don and I would be at work, so I
would buy whatever was nearby and then saw a hot dog stand.When outside, I felt the sun’s heat and every step I took hurt.There was a lot of activity outdoors, and
there was noise from other construction.I would get a hot dog and coke.I was sweating and exhausted from hauling and transporting the large machine, so drinking the Coke felt refreshing.We would have our final job in the boiler room after finishing the drain stoppage, which was exhausting.We were immediately hit by a strong heat and began to sweat profusely heavily as I entered.Although it just took 20 minutes, it was quite loud inside.After that, we would pack up the
equipment and leave for home.I took a cold shower as soon as I got home and felt-cleansed after all the gunk from work.Since I couldn’t envision myself working as a mechanic my entire life, I learnt from this job that it was demanding and difficult, which is why I chose to pursue a new career path in school.
Lighting Rod
Quick to forgive
-anger followed by smiles
-food as apologies
-confusion and guilty feelings
Days of no wrong doings
– acceptance of anger even though i did nothing wrong
-going over all my actions , retracing my steps
-gulity feeling wont go away
Growing UP quick
-Realizing Im the one who deals with the anger when there is no where to channel it
– Understanding hits and Guilty feeling gone
-Now I forgive quick and smile
– May 2019 (14 years old)
– Rainy cloudy day
– Riding bike on the right side of the road
– Narrow street
– A large van opens door and slices my hand
– hyperventilating blood gushing out my right hand
– Goes to urgent care its useless
– All they do is wrap my hand
– Rushed on a ambulance to the hospital
– God mother rushes to me despite where she was
– Later my mom and dad come
-They wait with me in the ER waiting room
– After a little bit they take me to get an x ray
– Then take me a small room where the doctor there to see me
– Students of the doctor come or come take a quick look
– It seemed as if I was the most interesting part of their day
– Doctor tells me and my mom that “I am very lucky it the cut didn’t cut any nerves in my hand
– Thoughts are that I shouldn’t take anew day I am here for granted
– it makes me live life to fullest
– begins to express myself more and take anything from anybody
Unbreakable Bonds by Vaman
0. Meeting Our Acting Coach
– Freshmen Year
– Her first year as a teacher/acting coach
1. Junior Year of High School
– Draining but insightful
– Emotional Distress
– Learning about ourselves through the guidance of our Acting Couch
– Bonding with incoming sophomores within the acting classes and play productions
– 2018 Production of 12 Angry Jurors
2. Senior Year
– Bitter Sweet
– Laughing and falling
– Breaking and building bonds
– Making Home videos/ YouTube videos
– Saying goodbye
– Getting letters from Junior classmates
– Changing lives without realizing it
– Shedding tears
– Gradation
– We wanted to leave because our acting coach said she wasn’t going to be there
– She showed up as a surprise
– We left and went for dinner instead
Burning scars
-ended up receiving a burn from a pot of boiling water falling on me
Losing my mother
-ended up hospitalized and then being taken away from my mother
New home
-sent to a foster home with my sister
transparent family
-I had no idea of my real family and felt like my life was a lie
Lost
-didn’t know my own situation and took years to understand
Social skills
-have difficulties creating connections and friendships
The FALL of a relationship
-Noticing that conversations were getting more distant and felt curious as to why, then attempted to have a conversation about my noticing’s
-Partner assured me that they were just not feeling the best mentally and they were taking more time to themselves not realizing how it would affect me
-Started to feel better about the situation but was wondering if the well being of my partner would affect our relationship
-Partner & i started speaking again as normal & everything seemed okay
-Partner and i go on a date that i planned to Brooklyn bridge park and the energy feels off in some aspects but cant put my finger on it
Partner had a curfew to be home and by the time we left park she was going to be late, felt like it was fault and I thought she was mad at me because of it
– Time passed by after that day and our speaking was very limited so I asked if we can have a conversation
– Partner expressed that they also wanted to have a conversation with me
– We get on a call and wait a while to address our concerns and then next thing you know she said “i think we should break up”
-We were both crying and i was very stunned , i was not expecting a break up
-Spent the rest of the night crying
-Woke up to a text with her apologizing and offering to elaborate more
-We came to a healthy agreement and understanding of the break up
-We began to still act like we were in a relationship (toxic)
– I ended up fully cutting her off because i couldn’t handle having her in my life, if she not going to be my partner
PANDEMIC COVID-19
Lockdown :
trouble adjusting to everything
staying inside all day, everyday
slacking in class
wouldn’t hand in my assignments
wouldn’t join classes
lost most of my friends
During Lockdown :
Sleeping all the time.
Not eating enough.
grades were horrible.
no motivation.
mental health started declining.
Lockdown lifted :
Got mental help.
Met my boyfriend.
Starting going out , not stuck inside all day
Started to mend friendships
Got motivation once again
Grades started getting better
Quick to forgive
Raised in a Spanish house hold there are some common factors that you find when speaking to almost any Spanish person. Nonnegotiable you DO NOT not disrespect your elders or speak back to your parents and trying to negotiate while getting yelled at or trying to stop a whooping is seen as disrespect or talking back. I along with many other Spanish children are often taught through discipline; but i noticed very early on my mother was a bit more strict than other parents including my family members. My mother wasn’t ignorant to that fact either she was very aware of her actions and knew when she went over board. I knew she knew because that anger was quickly followed by smiles and asking if i was okay. Sometimes it wasn’t words she used to check up on me with, sometimes “are you okay?” was cut up fruit or triangle ham sandwiches. But even that was a bit confusing , talk about mixed signals. First she’s hot then she’s cold, one second you’re in trouble and then your out life goes up and then down(Katy perry would be proud). Guilty is the one thing feeling that was constant though, i felt ashamed, i received the punishment so i must have done some thing wrong right?
That train of thought just made me accept those feelings of the anger because I thought i deserved what’s coming to you ( and ill own up my mistakes i could easily admit i was not the easiest child to raise) but there were days where it didn’t make sense.
I have alway been a person who needed things explained a few times, whatever it was i needed it to make sense to Me. I needed things it to click before i can say “ok i got it “. So when those days came around where i was being the dished this anger or being reprimanded for things that i didn’t think were that bad it just didn’t make sense. AND liked i said before talking back or even asking why you’re getting disciplined is seen as disrespect so i would just eat it and go over everything i did. I’d think about all of it, i would run the day back, go over everything i said and look for where i went wrong. Confused, guilty, ashamed all while eating my triangle ham sandwiches , or finishing my bowl of fruit.
One day i came home and my mother was on the phone with someone and that hot energy engulfed her body. Anger radiated off her so much so that i felt like i could touch it, and that’s when it clicked. It wasn’t me! well yea sometimes it’s me, like when i put a huge hole in the wall fighting with my cousins that was me and when i randomly pained my neighbors fence blue yea that was but it wasn’t ALWAYS me . I’m just the only person she can speak to with that sting behind her words, I’m the only person who she can use as an outlet for the struggles she faced. She was the lightning and i am the rod. I smiled that day and that guilty feeling vanished. I understood that when the anger subsides and the bread gets cut into triangles, she actually was sorry. She has always said it’s been me and you versus the world, and on the days the world was winning i didn’t mind sharing the weight of the world with her, on those days we eat ham sandwiches.
It was a rainy cloudy afternoon is early may in 2019 I had to go to a practice for a sweet 16. I was already running late and the place we were practicing at didn’t have a train or bus stop near by so I decided to take me bike. Yes my stubborn 14 year old self didn’t want to take a car instead i settled on my bike. Little did I know that one decision would change the who outcome of the rest of my day.
So here I was ready to ride my bike to the venue were the party was being hosted so I can go practice for the sweet 16. I had some idea on how to get there I knew that the roads were going to be slippery but I’ve rode in this type of weather before. But I overestimated my self because after a few blocks i had to go up a couple blocks but the blocks i was going up had a pretty narrow street so it was kind of tough to ride on the street with the cars and other beside me but again it wasn’t something I wasn’t used to. Now i’m riding bike watching my side and looking straight ahead as well and then out of nowhere this van opens up and slices my right hand clean open. But I didn’t think it was gonna be that bad because it didn’t feel that bad so I was mad of course but I had somewhere to be and brushed it off or i tried to at least. Then the workers of the guy driving the van noticed my hand and so do i and we looked at it and we saw how bad it was. My hand was sliced really bad so bad that you can see a bit of the bone a little bit and I started hyperventilating because I was scared and i didn’t what to do my mom was home with my little sibling and all my other family members were busy. All I thought about was getting my hand fixed or getting it looked as soon as possible.
The driver was a jewish man i could tell my his yamaca in his head and I lived in a orthodox jewish area and the thing with them is that they have a their own type of law enforcement almost as if they are their own colony. So they had ambulances that where basically all jewish as well so the driver that hit me called one of them instead of an normal ambulance. They didn’t do much for me they just wrapped my hand, they didn’t for a great since my hand felt numb after while but it got the job done. So the person that hit me ask me “you want someone to look at your hand right now or we call an ambulance and they’ll look at your hand in a hour or two”. The choice was basically a urgent care or a hospital but I didn’t know that at the time. In my head I chose the option that got me care as soon as possible then I got into this guys van and they my bike in the back of it and i’m in tears calling my mom and calling the mother of the girl who’s sweet 16 i’m suppose to be apart of.
We get to the urgent care and it’s literally an urgent care right not to far away from my house and they check me in and take me to a room where they examine their patients and a nurse comes and she un does the bandages and she’s in disbelief that they bought me here. She was even asking me questions of where my parents were this and that and then she goes out the room and she’s mad as well too but at the driver because the cut was so bad she couldn’t do anything.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-IxZKxJupO9zpHQUzZTQo7MtxOp3LRd2dnvqyeEC3JQ/edit
Be Whatever
As a kid, the question the adults always ask is “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Children almost always have a different answer. In kindergarten, I wanted to be an artist because I liked drawing and would always get compliments from my art teacher.
In the first couple of years in elementary, I wanted to be a musician because I loved music and liked singing; even though it was terrible. Later on, I wanted to be an astronomist because I enjoyed the stars and everything else in space. My family didn’t mind all these decisions I made. Obviously to them, I was just a kid with dreams and had no idea what I was talking about. But it all changed one day. Towards the end of elementary, I made one small mistake. I said I wanted to be a doctor. That got the attention of my family.
Since then, they would make comments like, “She would look great in a doctor’s uniform” “Make sure you get into Harvard or Yale or Stanford”, “You’re gonna make a lot.of money.” The thing is I didn’t want to be a doctor. I didn’t know what I wanted to be. Without my family’s knowledge, I applied to an art high school and that’s where I believe I made my final decision. I was interested in architecture. Everything about it was amazing. The buildings, forms, shapes, the structure. I didn’t know how I was going to tell my family.
Towards the end of high school my dad called on me and asked me “What do you want to pursue?” Internally I was like I don’t know. I told him that I was thinking of going into medicine because my aunts suggested that it would be great and that the money was good. He stopped me and said “No. What do you want to do? Don’t listen to what others say.” So I told him, “I want to pursue architecture but I’m going into Accounting so that I can fund my architectural education.” And all he said was “ok”. I felt relieved. I didn’t have to lie about something I secretly hated. Later on my mom pulled me aside and asked why I didn’t want to be a doctor. I told her it was because I didn’t feel like being one and I don’t want to be around people all the time. It was an exhausting job and it wasn’t for me. She kept quiet and said “Ok, if that’s what you want to do.” She told her sisters about it and they weren’t fully on board but they later came through. I didn’t expect it to be that easy but it was.
It was March 13, 2020. Covid had just started to get bad and people stopped coming to class. Afraid that they would get it and get horribly sick. Since there wasn’t a vaccine at that time , there was really no protection at all. That for me was my last day of sophomore year. My last day of normal school for a while. Soccer season had just started once again and it was cancelled. I didn’t even get to play a single game. Hearing the news that school was going to shut down was probably one of the worst things sophomore Angie could have ever heard.
Online classes started about two weeks after that. Over those two weeks, I felt like I was losing my mind. I was a very social person at that time. So seeing my friends and being able to talk to them was a very big thing for me. Just being around people was good enough for me. But I was home all day. 24/7 , just stuck inside the apartment. This is when my mental health took a turn and started to decline. I didn’t have motivation anymore.I wouldn’t turn in assignments at all. I wouldn’t eat because I was practically in bed all day sleeping. I would sleep through classes. My friend group started talking less and less. To the point where we didn’t even talk for days, weeks even. So I felt pretty alone during that period of time.
This went on till around June. When the lockdown was finally lifted. But school had just ended so I didn’t return to the school building till September. During summer break of that year, things started looking more positive for me. I met my boyfriend, who I have now been dating for two years. I started to mend friendships that I had lost before and even during the lockdown. Because my mental health was bad at the time, I finally had the courage to seek help for it. I got my motivation back. Even though classes were still virtual,I was starting to do better in them. I would actually stay awake during classes. I would submit my assignments. I would spend all day sleeping.
Now, I am at an amazing point in life. That lockdown definitely changed me as a person. It was something that taught me a lot. Most definitely taught me a lot about myself as a person. It also changed me and the perspective I have on things.
The fall of a relationship
It was a summer day in July, and I had texted my partner in the beginning of the day like I always would. This day she took longer to respond than usual, this made me very anxious and nervous because I am used to always getting a quick response from her or often shed text me first. Time had passed by, and she finally text me back, but the conversations weren’t the way they usually are, I had a happy relationship, so I never wanted to assume the worse instead I asked her if everything was okay and expressed to her how the lack of communication made me feel. When she responded she told me that she wasn’t feeling the best and expressed she noticed she was having some difficulty adjusting to the idea that, now that she is in a relationship her actions are also directly affecting me but, in the moment, she was only acting for herself. I was relieved to hear that the reasoning for the lack of communication was because of something she was dealing with and not because of anything I had done wrong, but I was worried for her and wanted her to feel better. Her response also made me think because I was wondering about if it was going to be an issue moving forward for us being that she had mentioned her hardship with adjusting to relationship. Later that day we spoke but the vibes felt off, I let it be because I know she told me that she was going through something, but it was really bugging me. In my mind the solution for this was for me to actively plan our next date.
The date that I had planned was to spend the day at Brooklyn Bridge Park after I finished getting my hair done. In my opinion the date had started very shaky which is not what I wanted because I was hoping that this date would take away all the uneasy feelings that were present from that day when the vibes were off. The reason that the date started off rocky is because there were some mis communications with where to meet and what time and I had ended up telling her a new location to meet me & was a little late. This aggravated her a little which was understandable, I immediately apologized, and the small conflict was over, I don’t know why but our energy seemed off and I felt like it was mainly on her part. We arrive at the park and I’m trying to find a specific location that I want to take her too, but I can quite find it, so we end up settling for another nice area. The day was chill but there were little, small situations that would occur that affected us to briefly argue which was different because we would never argue. The day went by, and she had a curfew, one of the parts of the date was to watch the sunset therefore this had affected us to leave the park at a time where she would get home late. On my way home I was constantly thinking about if she had made it home on time and if she was going to get in trouble and felt like if she did get in trouble that it would be my fault. I texted her that night to see how everything turned out and I didn’t get a response until the morning, she assured me that I wasn’t my fault that she got home late and everything between us was good
Overall, the date just didn’t make me feel the best about my relationship anymore and it was upsetting because it was also very confusing therefore, I wanted to have a conversation with her about it. I sent her a message to let her know I’d like to speak with her about somethings and she agreed to it, and she had to speak to me as well. Later that night we hopped on a phone call we had normal conversation first and then we finally broke the ice and got into what we wanted to speak about. I expressed to her my feelings about the date and how we could move forward and then she expressed to me that she’s going through a lot of her own personal problems and needed to speak with her therapist before she could communicate certain things with me, she told me that she started to feel dependent on me for her happiness as if she was using me and felt like she need to do it for herself , with this realization she came to the conclusion that we needed to break up. I was too stunned to respond and all I could do is cry. We both sat on the phone crying until eventually she hung up.
Boom
My parents are from a small town in Mexico called Tuclingo De Valle which resides in the Puebla area. I used to go every two years since I was about 8 years old but I’ve had the privilege to go about once a year. Anyways, each time I went I was anti-social so I’d talk to no one and make no friends. My family would go out and I would stay home alone with my older brother and cousin and we loved to do fireworks. I’ve loved doing fireworks ever since until August of 2022 where I learned the real danger and consequences of playing fireworks.
As I did more and more fireworks I got more and more bolder with which ones I would buy . As a 8-12yr I would simply buy small firecrackers and smoke bombs to play with but as I got older I wanted to do more daring and dangerous ones for some reason. I then started to buy fireworks that posed a real danger to our health, the ones that if you didn’t throw it in time it would blow your hand off . Since I didn’t go out I spent all of my allowance on buying some every week before I left. It became a tradition with my brother and cousin to waste all our remaining money on fireworks so we can have a “ show “.
When my other cousins started to visit Mexico at the same time as us they joined in on it. The most expensive fireworks were around $700 to $800 pesos so around $30-40 dollars. These were the big ones that people used during 4th of July and we had no experience with these levels of fireworks but we still bought it thinking we already pros with fireworks in general . We lit them up at night as that was the best way to see them in a campo which is just a field. With the big firework we had bought we had to stick it into the ground and light it with a matchstick, it had three different fuses as it had three shots. The moment I put the lit match stick under the fuse it fired instantly and almost caught my face but didn’t hurt me. The rest fired fine but I should’ve learned that night of how unpredictable these things can be.
In July of August of 2022
Covid-19 2020 – 21
– Sophomore Hs Yr
– Went home one day & didn’t see a school building in 1-2years (March)
– Academic Life wasn’t effective
– Social Distancing
– Mask
– As a 17&18 yr old
– I was too young to fully understand the effects of the New York City terrorist attacks in 2001.
– Vs Global Pandemic
– Side Hobby/Hustle
– My family members took COVID very seriously so there was no birthday,thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings
-Junior Hs Yr
– Grades still were great
– feelings following the death of my grandfather
– Permit/License
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11_bg-ZY6KP-FvEpVoToFrJEeZesSVacaWcXJTdPRIfM/edit
Lighting Rod
1. Spanish culture & Discipline
-Nonnegotiable you do not disrespect your elders or talk back to your parents, speaking while being disciplined or getting lectured is disrespect.
-Lessons are taught with discipline
– I noticed pretty early that my mother was a bit more strict than other parents, even within my family, She knew she was too.
-sometimes sorry was a ham sandwich cut into triangles, or cut up fruit.
– Discipline quickly followed by sorry was confusing, it left me feeling guilty.
2.Conflicting actions created unsure feelings
-I received the punishment so i must have done something wrong right ?
-i have always been a bit slow to hit the mark , ive always needed things explained a few times for it to “click”
-So on days where i was punished for things i didnt think were bad it just didnt make sense
– i would rerun the whole day and my actions over and over
-gulity confused and ashamed all while eating my sandwiches
3.IT CLICKED
-i came home to my mother in rage about something that had nothing to do with me
-It hit me, it wasnt always me or my actions that created the anger or punishments
-for sure sometimes it was me like when i broke the wall or painted the fence that was me but i didnt always start the fire.
-i was just the target that caught all of it , she was the lighting and i was the rod
– feelings of guilt and confusion vanished
– i now knew why all those days didn’t make sense
-it has always been me and her vs the world , and on the days the world wins we eat ham sandwiches
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ONk5nWUWAhQ0CSAD6sffdfreEu0IASxnu60gSkHlx7o/edit?usp=drivesdk
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12hvE591zktTjbdCFkhVcXS7Fmj8gwNhFZFQgX7Dj_W4/edit
1. The beginning of the day
A. A Day in July
B. Texted my partner
C. She was taking a while to respond
– This affected me to overthink about why she was not responding
– I did not want to assume the worse
– Thinking about If should express to her how this made me feel
D. She finally responds to the message later that day
– I send her message asking she was okay and how her not responding to me made me feel
– She expresses to me that she has not been feeling the best and is having a tough time adjusting to a relationship where her actions can affect me
-Feeling of relief that it was not directed at me and hoped she was feeling okay
-started to overthink if what she was going through was going to affect our relationship
2. Later that night
A. She called me on ft
B. Conversation was not flowing as much as it usually did
C. Had the thought to plan our next date to take away tension
– Planned a date to Brooklyn Bridge Park
-She was excited for the date
-FT call energy was better after that
3. The day of the date
A. Date started off shaky due to miscommunication with meeting location and time management
B. I apologized for the confusion and the conflict was resolved
C. Energy between us still was not the way it usually was
-Not as affectionate towards each other
-Snarky comments were made
-We were quite more than we were speaking
4. At Brooklyn Bridge Park
A. Struggling to find original date location in park
B. Settled for a different location
C. Got into mini little arguments
– Could not tell if she were joking or serious when she would make certain comments
D. Attempting to watch the sunset and ended up leaving the park late without enough time for her to make her curfew
-Felt worried about if she was going to make it home in time
-Thought to myself that it would be my fault if she made it home late
-Sent her text that night to see if she made it okay and to apologize for making her late
-Did not receive a response
5. The next day
A. Received a response of her telling me that everything was okay and her being late was not my fault
B. Still had some uneasy feelings due to the date and wanted to have a conversation with her
C. She expressed she also wanted to have a convo
-This worried me throughout the day
6. Later that night
A. Got a on a phone call that started off with regular convo (conversation was going well)
B. Ice was broken, and we began to speak about our concerns
C. Expressed to her my feelings about the date
-I did not like the energy
-wanted to apologize for overthinking the late situation
– wanted to know how to move forward
D. She proceeded to express feelings that she has been dealing with that she had never told me
– Not feeling mentally stable
-depending on me for happiness
-thinks we should break up
E. We both cried on the phone until she hung up
https://1drv.ms/w/s!Ap_73Dxnke9IcV2X07CTBP1UU1w?e=SBbl5k
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lo8MLttZwp0NrfWc6P89q0Vt0mmoI3axMQFUzdJaxPc/edit
Unbreakable Bond
Freshmen Year of High School (September 2015)
A. I had picked up my class schedule and club sign-up sheet the day prior.
B. I sat in the furthest seat in the corner of the classroom.
– normally by the window
C. About 5 minutes has gone by. In walks the teacher.
– Hi Guys! My name is Ms. Osadon. I’m also a freshmen like you. This will be my
first year as a teacher.
D. She was super excited.
– her excitement was also rubbing on the other students
– she cracked corny jokes
Impactful
-She connected with her students differently.
– Made us feel seen and understood.
Sophomore Year
A. Sophomore year where I did not have her as a teacher.
B. Still was able to see her and speak to her in the English Department office.
C. She started to share stories
D. We started to bond with her.
E. This was also the summer where she decided to get married.
Now Mrs. Aily
She was able to still grow a connection with her first year students even when she didn’t see them as often.
Junior Year (Play production of 12 Angry Jurors)
A. This year was stressful preparing for college.
B. Until I saw who the teacher was for my Intro to Acting class
C. The final class of the day for me
D. After 7th period I would rush to the auditorium to the stage to play Zip-Zap-Zop
-An acting warm up.
E. Beginning of the year was smooth.
Junior Year pt2.
A. Last few months I became really depressed and anxious.
B. Why do they make it seem like college is a once in a life time opportunity?
C. I auditioned for the play.
D. I got casted in the play as Juror #5.
E. Boned with Sophomores in the class
December 2018 Show Time
A. Final Rehearsals and Show time were announced
B. We were all excited to step out on stage
– I was still questioning certain things about college and the play
C. Opening night we all huddled together and said Goodluck
D. Show went really well. We got asked to perform for a few select high schools.
Senior Year
Ahh the final year
A. It was more laid back.
B. We had Advanced Acting Class. The Juniors and Seniors had bonded in pervious classes that it became hard to not hang out with each other.
C. We had photoshoots after line rehearsals and went out to have group dinners
D. Final day of class we sat in a circle and talked about our experiences.
– Fun, glad we took the class and a chance on ourselves.
F. Juniors gave us letters and one of the letters I got mentioned how much of an impact I personally had on the life of a classmate
Small things matter!
Memorable
This feeling was the perfect way to end high school
Tittle: Joy of winning a DV Lottery.
Introduction:
Have you ever thought of Winning a DV Lottery or green card visa? It is a visa of green card, provided by USA for underdeveloped countries.
Happy Day:
In 2002, a postman asked me to sign a paper to give me a large brown envelope.
Nervous, scared to open the envelope.
Could hardly open it,
“You are randomly selected for Diversity Visa” Wow! I felt like my heartbeat would stop,
Work absence.
Let everyone know.
My feeling was over the moon!!!
Life change:
In both ways:
Living in dream country and be who you are.
Leaving behind, birth country,
a stable job, a big family, friends etc.
Worth it.
Chose to come here.
Feeling Blessed and Lucky.
High on Life: Public Speaking Outline
When I was a kid
I always felt like I was running from something
Something intangible
You know how they say kids can’t sit still
Not because of hyperactivity but antsy/anxious
Everytime I sat in my emotions I cut them out. Everytime I didn’t know something, I would fake like I did.
Filled the gap with soccer, reading, normal things
Still always running. Figuratively.
Opportunity
Being a child allows you to focus on one or two things
As you get older, you realize world isn’t this easy
Fun things don’t come around as often and the amount of things to stress about increase.
When I got into middle & high school, I was still running
Quicker & accessible things to help run and hide
Let’s go play became hit this, take this bump, etc
Addiction
I loved the rush of that, the goosebumps when I tried something new and the rush of blood to the head when I did more.
Falling apart. School, Soccer, Family.
Now I wasn’t only running from this abstract feeling, but now from these problems I had created for myself.
Routine
One day
Mound of unfinished homework and an eight ball in my pocket.
You could smell the faint gasoline smell coming out but it never seemed as if my parents noticed.
Swinging
Numb
Physically and mentally.
Sour taste in my mouth and salivating so much I was nearly drooling.
Crashing & Spinning
Timer
Warm & Cold
What felt like the end
Swaying/Running
911
I had no answers.
World black.
Uber Home
Sitting in my backyard.
Lessons
I must have sat there, 45 minutes.
My whole life, I wasn’t running from life, adulthood, or new responsibilities.
I was running from myself.
And running turned me into a worse person than the real Elijah ever would’ve been.
And a smile grew on my face. Knowing in escaping death, I had found life.
1. Mama
a. Passed away barely a month after I turned 21
b. Shaped my entire being
i. Nothing I couldn’t talk about with her
c. February 2013
i. Superbowl Sunday
d. At work, miserable at Big Daddy’s, sitting on the cold dumpster, warming myself up with a Parliament
e. Can’t remember what we were talking about, but remember LOL
i. Our inside joke
ii. “Lots of Love” instead of laugh out loud
f. Few hours later, sister would call for the first time since Christmas
g. Had to get home
i. Mama taken to the hospital
ii. Papa online now trying to get a flight
h. In the bathroom, back against the wall, knees buckling underneath me
i. Subway ride home a blur
i. Strange looks being thrown my way
ii. Tried to quiet my sobs
j. Next flight wasn’t out until morning
k. Looked up the sky, prayed to a god I didn’t believe even believe in to keep my mom alive
i. Bargained everything in my arsenal; no more smoking, no more drinking, no more drugs.
2. The Hospital
a. Morning finally came, I arrived, hospital seemed vacant
i. Including dad and two sisters.
b. Approached ICU
c. Feet felt like they were weighted with iron every step I took.
d. “I can’t do it”
e. “You have to”
3. The Last Week
a. Next week fell into odd routine
b. Dad would spend mornings with mom
c. Sisters would take duration of visiting hour
i. Organizing comings and goings of various relatives.
d. I would stay with mom overnight
e. One morning, dad came to take my place,
i. Barely able to keep head up and eyes open from sheer exhaustion
f. Saw him take my mom’s hand, brush it very slowly
g. Looked at me, tears welling up in his eyes
i. Never seen my dad cry
h. “You only get one soulmate in this life John Paul. Remember that.”
4. The Night Before
a. Earliest hours of morning my mom would be gone
b. Mindlessly flipped channels
i. Stumbled on rerun of Friends just beginning
c. Theme song, three claps in quick succession, mimicked out of habit
i. Just like I used to do with mom.
d. At that point I climbed into my mom’s hospital bed
i. For the first time and what would be the last time too
e. Machines would beep
i. Laying on wire tracking mom’s vitals. But
ii. I didn’t care
iii. Nurses would come in, silently turn off the sound
iv. Fell asleep next to my mom.
5. The Funeral
a. Day of her funeral unlike anything I had experienced/have yet to experience
b. A world that looked exactly the same
c. Completely different from before.
d. Things looked the same
i. Aunt Rita’s wrinkles, permanent disapproval.
ii. Dad’s eyes, blue like frost as opposed to water
e. Everything looked familiar, nothing made any sense
i. Nothing added up
f. Began navigating a world that looked identical, but fundamentally changed.
6. Fire & Ice
a. Several months later
i. Walking down 7th Avenue
b. Smelled familiar scent of Fire & Ice
i. My mother’s scent. It was so
c. Close, a few paces up ahead
i. Foot traffic was thick
d. Sped up my pace to keep track of it
e. Hold comforting aroma in my nostrils
f. In a trance, moved almost 10 blocks,
g. Desperate to capture source of mother’s signature scent
h. In end, it wasn’t her
i. Secretly prayed it would be
i. Middle of the sidewalk, forced to accept permeance of my mother’s death
7. Grief
a. Grief is not something you get over
i. Get over losing a wallet
b. Have to learn to carry that grief with you
c. Like Japanese tradition of Kintsugi
d. After loss, you’re shattered
e. Forge yourself back together
f. Reinforcing identity with memories of one you lost.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EpEBA63UzyYN6pTqxzUD6AU53Bc4e2uuTlOXAN9fl4E/edit?usp=sharing
Aug 21 2019 started college
Everything was going good had friends I knew already
Enjoying life realizing college was a place to make connections explore and find yourself
Early September had meeting with college college advisor
Declared a major and really had taken interest in something
Mid October felt great up to date on everything was studying and even had a planner
Feb 1 2020 had a solidified friend group
Would go outside and party explore and enjoy life
March 2020 Covid hit everything was shut down including school and had to adapt to virtually learning
September 2020 second semester or second try you would say in college
Covid died down and I began to come back to college
I began to feel down and dreaded going to class everyday
Now comes a point where I would routinely skip class once or twice a week depending how I felt
I would go to the gym and just chill barley caring about class
April 2021 as I felt my sophomore year coming to an end I checked my grades and saw I was failing two classes and didn’t know where life was taking me. After that instead of struggling to catch up I made the decision that it would be my last semester of college and just go with whatever happens not knowing it would only be a gap year.
how my hand injury taught me how to control my emotions
it all started when my mom decided to take a two week vacation to mexico w my 2 brothers and my sister
she had asked me to take over her morning shift at her job , i had agreed to it as i used to work for the same company
so for the next two weeks my days would start at 6 am for my moms shift i would take the bus to head over to kings plaza mall
the work was easy ,take out the trash bags , clean the mirrors, sweep the stairs , vacuum the rug .
i would clock out around 12 everyday , grab a quick meal in the mall only to grab the bus to get the train afterwards for my job
at the time i was working at Zara, my own shifts would start around 2 and end around 9 sometimes 10
as a sales associate my job required me to deal with a lot of drama and deal with a lot of dumb people everyday
so for the first few days things was going pretty smooth and things were going well and pretty well
already having very little patience with people and anger issues on top of that i guess you could say it really build up really quick
as the first week was over i was already falling behind on my sleep , i remember trying not to fall asleep on the bus going from my moms job to mine
already running on little sleep and dealing with dumb customers added more to my “stress”
i tried to cope with it in a healthy way by going to the gym on my days i had from zara ,unfortunately for me i didnt have more than one day of , as i had set my availability to everyday
as the days went by and i continued like this for the rest of the following week trying to maintain my calm and just tuff it out till my mom gets back
finally after a long day , one night around 9 as i was getting ready to head to bed to do it all over again the next day my dad asks me to stay up till 12 to help him take down this flower arrangement at this wedding , to this day im not sure what i was thinking or what was going thru my mind but
i do know that same night i was feeling a litle bit of everything and i did the most unexpected thing , i ended up punching a wall made out of ceramic
i remember looking at my hand wondering what had just happened as I bleed out
i really thought it was a simple small cut till i washed it off and i see my pinky bone
as i ask my dad for help
I remember getting ready w One hand rushing to the hospital
Once we were attended by the doctor to check out my hand they all told me I had ripped my tendant muscle
Once my hand was cleaned and checked out they numbed it so I can could get stitches
I remember seeing my dad more anxious about me getting stitches then I was he would be walking back and forth the small room like hes going to be a father for the first time again
The following week I had surgery at 6 am in queens ,I recall my mom had come along w me that morning
We got there and they prepped me for the surgery and I remember sitting in the little waiting room changed
only thing I had was the time on the wall from the cable tv and I remember 20 mins passed by witch felt like the longest 20 mins ever
The time comes for me to go to the next room and I remember getting really anxious and nervous as it was my first ever surgery ever
The doc hit a nerve under my arm and I was just given the anesthesia,the last thing I remember was seeing needles being placed near my arm and I told the doc dont put that in my arm im mot gonna be able to handle it
He puts my head down and says rest and I wake up 2 hours later
I couldn’t use either of my hands nor speak as I was still feeling the anesthesia and at the end of the bed to my sight was a nice old lady waiting for me to wake up
So I start waving at her with my foot and ask her to help me get out of here
The doctors and nurse assistant come rushing over to see how im feelin and help me get dressed
Over the course of the next 3 ig it was really an up hill battle with myself cause im right handed and I was only able to use my left
I remember being upset cause I would be uncoordinated w my left or not able to fully use my arm
Once my fat cast was off my Hand I was ready to start going to hand therapy
Although it was once a week on Saturdays I made huge progress very quick and was quickly able to use my hand to my fullest extent again
Although I couldn’t lift many heavy things then or go to the gym I was just happy that I was able to use my right arm again
Ig this goes to show that moral of the story dont react impulsively and punch a ceramic wall
2018
Senior year
Soccer academy tournament
Last year playing soccer
Became team captain
First game won, second lost, third won and fourth won
Made it semifinals
Trouble with semifinals
Pass the semifinals
Two weeks later the finals
We played the finals
Trouble scoring
Mistakes with playing
And scored last minute
Won the school academy tournament
Before boot camp:
-Outlook on life was different and unappreciated due to feeling it was a given.
– was currently in bad terms with my child’s mothers due to grudge history
– wanted to go back to college to pursue my goal to become RN
– found out Military benefits can help me pursue my goal
• continue my college education, paid by military
• get military payment which is 1000$ or more
• free food and expenses provided by the military
• free housing or shelter
• travel to different parts of the world due to job requirements
The training:
– Shipped out in the morning and landed in Chicago on mid weekday
– Tried to sleep much possible since warned we won’t sleep on first day of training.
– Once landed in Chicago and escorted to bus transportation, training began
• lots of yelling before getting on the bus
• no taking and instructed to stare at tv monitor on bus for the navy boot camp intro
• more yelling and intensity getting off the bus
• remember a recruit not following instructions and got his bag flung when placed in the wring basket.
•taken to our supply room and separated from males and females to stripped naked to change into our navy boot camp uniforms
• taken to our barracks to drop off our naval training gear and escorted to cafeteria to eat dinner.
•after dinner taken to our barracks to get our bunk beds set up and instructed to start labeling our stuff according and how to properly fold and store our gear.
• we then were taught how to walk and stand militarily standards and how to sound off and greet other senior sailors.
• then taken to breakfast and then more admissions process
• after admissions and lunch, we did more drills due to our naval RTC’s (recruit training commander) not assigned to us yet due to naval holiday.
• finally, after our dinner which was 8pm, we did our final drill of the day till 10pm and were allowed to sleep finally.
– Navy bootcamp was always drills and training and performing to the highest standards.
– After admissions I realized the benefits, I was promised were not as simply gained as I was told.
– Benefits are only available after your 90 days or 24 months of service, depending on when you served. As for the pay, you get paid every 1st and 15th of the month.
– After also seeing how I was not going to be able to choose my vacation time and spend the majority of my time away from my son, I realized this lifestyle was not for me.
– Reflected a lot on things I took for granted and gave me an epiphany to work things out to be in good terms with my son’s mother.
– Was able to get honorable discharge from the military
After:
– After coming back home it took time to adjust back into civilian lifestyle
– Was able to build a healthy one parent relationship with my child’s mother
– Was able to financially better accommodate myself to get a good job and make more than what I made in military service.
– In a better spot and finally back on my path to achieve my goal
“Ending a Relationship” by Yessybel Ferreiras.
1. Denial
-July 9, 2022
– Hopes that the situation would get better
– Waiting on a change, one day patiently, and one day losing my patience
– always with my head down staring at nothing
– listening to Aaliyah “We need a Resolution”
– Spent months hanging on/
2. Anger
– Angry at myself and hating myself, very hard on myself’
– staring in the mirror calling myself ugly, criticizing my hair thinking i should dye it, touching my body, thinking “am i not thick enough?”
– Resenting this person and all his friends/ family
– Verbal abuse/expression
– Self destructing myself
3. Bargaining
– Trying to restore the relationship, again!
– Throwing solution cards on the table “lets try couples counseling”
– Feeling delusional for putting my pride aside
4. Depression
– My sadness phase, grieving/ persistent crying everyday/heartaches/
– Watching his stories from a fake page/ no sleep up all night/ self reflecting/ feeling ugly inside and out for things I said/
– Pushing my loved ones away/ Resisting the urge to drink and party/ overthinking/ lots of praying/ on my bed all day/ no eating
5. Acceptance
– I put the pieces together/ taking my time to think of everything that happened this past year/ taking accountability for my own actions/ learning from mistakes from the past/ growing as an individual
6. Meeting Myself Again/
– keeping myself busy/(at home, family time, work, schoolwork/ still taking my time to heal/ working on myself/ feeling alive again/ applying skincare on my face and body, making my skin feel soft and delicate / still crying on my white fur pillows, not much though/ touching my pink soft fluffy teddy bear, i kiss it and i hug it to feel better/ i smile, laugh, and interact daily/ i stay on my feet / working out/ walking&dancing/ i wear a lot of black
-15-year-old getting new glasses
-checking my eyes
-checking if there are bad
-or something wrong
-the doctor asks me
am I on the phone in the dark
I told him yea
-he said not good
-not good for your eyes.
-the doctor told me
I could lose my sight.
Around September 2021, I was coming to Canada for a short period of time for study.My mind was full of thoughts of my first class. I was making up various ideas in my head about how to introduce myself in my class. I didn’t really like doing difficult things, but I didn’t want my classmates to look bad on me. It was my first class, and I wanted to get along with them because they were friends who would study together for the next three months. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I decided to do my best. However, as is often the case with Japan people, when speaking in front of people, I was so nervous that I could not make eye contact with my classmates, and I had an accident where my speech stopped halfway through. When I got back to my seat, I felt my heart beat so fast. After that, I ended up focusing on the community of Japan people. I spent the first month with Japan friends. The language school I was studying at had a lot of Japan international students, so it was easy to be with them, and I naturally spent a lot of time and solidified. A month later, I realized that I couldn’t speak English, and I felt a westing my time. So I consulted with a friend and he decided to cooperate with other friends and gather students from various backgrounds for cross-cultural exchange.Each of them talked with their classmates in English and invited their friends, and in the end, they were able to hold more than 10 social gatherings before returning home. At that moment, there was a sense of exhilaration in my heart. Not only did I gradually learn to speak English, but they also showed me around various places, went out to play, and taught me many things that I could not experience in Japan. From this experience, I learned the importance of acting on my own and opening my heart.