Reading excerpts from Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid Manon was incredibly humbling. A particular statement read: “The assumption is that being a masculine man or feminine woman is normal and that being us is an accessory.” was a real eye-opener to the ignorance surrounding non-binary and gender non-conforming people. Since I have no idea what it must be like to deal with this kind of judgment, I must admit that this excerpt was very informative. It must be traumatic to be thought of as someone who doesn’t have a real identity. Coming to terms with the bigotry and intolerance that gender non-conforming people—those who adamantly reject what society perceives as a man or woman—and non-binary people—people who are not fully male or female—have to deal with is depressing. As I read the excerpts, I also became aware of how ignorant I had been about the rules governing transgender and gender non-conforming people. I was unaware that transgender and gender non-conforming employees are not protected by civil rights law, according to the Department of Justice. All the critical and unpleasant comments in Alok’s book shocked me. Instead of welcoming others the way we would want to be welcomed, it appears that there is greater concern about what individuals are doing. Knowing that these issues are present in our day is stressful, and it motivates me to support those who are fighting for them since we shouldn’t have to worry so much about how other people live their lives. 

Alok perceives moving beyond the gender binary as the ability to look beyond a person’s gender or what they can see. The important aspect is how a person feels and shows it in their daily life. Alok also highlights how gender stereotypes and expectations are limiting, constraining, and harmful. Like many others, Alok faced self-hatred and shame for years before finding peace and acceptance with themselves as they couldn’t conform to the binary expectations. The transgender community is questioned and observed more frequently than other groups, leading to increased distress. Gender non-conforming people aren’t distressed because they have a disorder, but because of the discrimination and stigma they face. There’s nothing wrong with them, but the world punishes those who don’t conform to the normative masculine or feminine. The writer’s exposure to non-binary people or community was limited due to their upbringing and environment. They were confused when they saw a man wearing makeup or a dress as they weren’t used to it. After reading this book, they realized the pain non-gender conforming individuals experience daily and acknowledged their inability to imagine it. The writer feels comfortable being referred to as a female using “her” and “she.”

Alok defines moving beyond the gender binary as adopting a fluid perspective on gender. Being able to realize that gender is on a spectrum and that external and internal characteristics aren’t always presented within the realm of “normalcy” (men who present masculine and women who present feminine) is what moving beyond that binary means. One significant thing I gathered from the text was the explanation of what really matters when it comes to gender: comfort. No matter how “weird” and “different” your identity may be to other people, comfort in your own skin matters the most. This is why I find it ridiculous when prejudice occurs against trans people for instance. What matters is that they are comfortable and this type of treatment is degrading and implies that people who stay ignorant and transphobic do not see them as humans. Another thing I learned from the text is that oppression occurs not only from cruelty but from a very rigid system that TEACHES it. Racism, homophobia, transphobia, all of these things prevail in a system that hides from its responsibility.

The book “Beyond the Gender Binary” talks about how gender binary is about cultural belief which is upheld by a system of power, and that when it comes to gender there’s more about it, he talks about how it is discrimination that some gender are afraid to go out because the way people will look at them or treat them which the problem is not about being men or women but they were society see us and judge us. We should be comfortable with whatever we are and just be ourselves. In the reading, he stated “The thing about being visibly gender non-conforming is that we are rarely. If ever, defended by other people in public. Everyone thinks that since we “made a choice” to “look like that” we are bringing it upon ourselves. The only reason people can fathom why we would look this way is because we want to draw attention to ourselves. They can’t even consider that maybe we look like this for ourselves, and not for other people. We are reduced to a spectacle. And when you are a spectacle, the harassment you experience becomes part of the show.” I believe it’s sad because I think that to each his own and people should be doing whatever makes them feel happy. 

In the reading beyond the gender binary the narrator is gender non-conforming and is often harassed in public due to legislation at the local, state, and federal levels targeting them. Additionally, the Department of Justice has announced that trans and gender non-conforming workers are not protected by civil rights law. The author argues that being self-reflective and open to transformation is something we should celebrate, not fear, and that society’s inability to place us in boxes makes them uncomfortable. Arguments against gender non-conforming people are about maintaining power and control, and can be grouped into four categories: dismissal, inconvenience, biology, and the slippery slope. People are still upset about the use of a singular pronoun when it’s plural, and the selective outcry over new words to describe gender and sexuality is about prejudice, not principle. Indigenous people and people outside of the Western world have long been outside of the gender binary, and gender diversity is a natural attribute of human expression. Gender non-conforming people face disproportionately high rates of murder, physical violence, job discrimination, homelessness, and health gaps. Tolerance is about maintaining distance, while acceptance is about integrating difference into one’s life. Society presupposes everyone as heterosexual and binary gendered before giving them a chance to come into themselves. Human diversity is constantly being redefined, with definitions of gender, sex, race, and citizenship being used to exclude us. The 2015 US Transgender Survey found that one in ten trans and gender non-conforming people were physically attacked in the past year, and nearly half were survivors of sexual violence. It is time to create new policies and protocols that move beyond the gender binary and prioritize gender non-conforming people.

Alok’s book Beyond the gender binary talks about how people should be accepting of others no matter who they are and don’t waste it off gender because gender is a form of expression and how one feels. Alok Wants readers to understand the different types of genders, for example, the non-binary aspects and how to accept non-binary people. Also, they express how they have been judged because they are non-binary and feel like they couldn’t be themselves. After reading this book, I better understood what non-binary is. Before this, I didn’t have a clue, but I find it interesting how people can hate a particular group based on that person’s decision. Also, With pronouns, I had gotten a deeper understanding of them. Before this, I didn’t understand that they slashed their pronouns because I always thought they as a group, not one person. One thing that I didn’t particularly appreciate while reading this book is that they feel uncomfortable going outside because people judge them and hate them. People shouldn’t be scared to leave their homes because others are closed-minded. Lastly, this book has taught me many things that I didn’t know before reading this book.

What does it mean to move beyond the gender binary for Alok?

Alok explains how gender feels from a perspective of a non-conforming gender person. That gives us access to be closer to someone’s experience and be more sensitive about details of non-conforming people’s problems. We live in a world where everything is set in stone; we didn’t learn to think otherwise. The gender norms are based on the old way of thinking- very old where masculine is for men, and being feminine is only for women. We are not only men or women, calm or hyper, strong or weak. Alok shows a life of a regular person whose rights are taken away because he feet to old school, wrong standards and laws and typical education is not updated.

He explains how not understanding gender takes human rights away. Alok writes examples in people’s behavior and stereotypes of thinking that create problems with work discrimination, school bullying, mental health problems, and even lack of housing and homelessness. 

Tolerance seems not enough because it only gives some of the rights to a person. Acceptance will put the person into life fully. 

Alok points out that since 2015 there have been 1.4 billion transgender people. That’s a huge number. How many people might not be comfortable showing their identity? That’s a fact and not a trend but a situation that should make us reflect and allow being better, smarter, and more compassionate people. They show how important it is for people to state their gender and gives an example of how gender is visible all the time and we don’t pay attention: to a birth certificate, driver’s licenses, stores, etc.

Alok represents transgender men and women in his writing; I find this interesting and inspiring.  

In what ways does your gender identity go against the binary norm, and in what ways does it fit the binary norm?

I am a binary woman who identifies as she/her. I was raised in an extremely catholic country, Poland but by not ordinary parents. My father was an extreme introvert, a painter and poet, the most tolerant person you can imagine. My mom was a very masculine lawyer focused on her career. Strong and very beautiful, never interested in cooking and raising her children. I was raised by a mysterious grandmother at home, and both of my partners would bring day stores at 8pm or 9pm pm at night to eat a quick dinner with their children. We were not religious at all. We valued morality based on actions and internal existential dialog. My dinner table conversations were about children’s rights and domestic abuse because my mom spoke the most. 

The gender rules in my family were not typical. Now that I am older, I see what family is and what could possibly be bad or good in building a family structure, and it is not what Polish education told me!

I would wear men’s clothes and have short hair my entire childhood because I had brothers, and in a communist occupied by Russians Poland no one cared about colors and dresses. I felt solid and feminine riding my bike and being a police officer, and I would have a crash in elementary school with a most popular and probably not exciting boy. I kissed girls in high school, read Rilke, and shaved my head boldly, always thinking I was very feminine this way. I was skinny, wearing only black clothes at 20, and did not have visible breasts till I was 30, also thinking that I was feminine that way. Some of that stuff wasn’t feminine in typical stereotypical thinking. I always wanted a child, loved my soft, delicate boyfriend, and always went to gay parties In Riss beach and Henrietta club, also with a feminine attitude.

I am sure if I fell in love with a woman, nothing would stop me from being with her, and I would call myself, or maybe I am, a bisexual woman. It just did not happen; It has not happened yet. I wonder if I am not binary identifying as a woman. I am a single mother by choice. I was the only one supporting my family (my mother and brother ). Is that masculine? Is that feminine to pay all the bills ? 

I worked in a butcher store. I constantly interrupt men and women in conversations. Is that masculine? 

Alok’s book “Beyond the Gender Binary” talks about accepting others for who they are and seeing gender in a creative form of expression. After reading the book Alok’s goal is to get readers to understand nonbinary identities and the importance of acceptance. Alok explains their experiences of suffering years of hatred as a gender nonconforming artist and people who tried bringing her down for being her true self. Which I find unfair because nobody should be judged for who they are or feeling not heard enough for not accepting them for who they are. This book helps me a lot because I struggled with pronouns. After all, I was not used to calling a person by their pronoun “They” because I grew up only referring to people as he, him, her, and 

 she. When Alok describes stepping foot outside makes Alok feel frightened for life because many people are against non-conforming people. I truly believe everyone should accept everyone for who they are as long as a person is deeply happy within themselves then they shouldn’t be judged by anyone. It’s unfair that non-conforming gender people are in fear for their lives because other people choose to judge them. I  try to be more understanding and learn more about gender expressions and pronouns so I could make everyone feel comfortable around me.  

Alok’s book “Beyond the Gender Binary” talks about confrontation acceptance and educating others about one’s experience living in a world where people’s opinions can really have an effect on one way of living.3 concepts that helped me understand the view on gender and Alok’s perspective on the gender binary are talking about acceptance and Alok’s past dealing with bullies and people who tried bringing Alok down for being themselves as a non-conforming gender. In the book it states “You want to be different to draw attention to yourselves. Hurt feelings aren’t real discrimination.” (Page 41)This was sad to read that there are people in this world that actually think like this. Because this leads to non-conforming people having a lot of negativities in their life like being unemployed by the mistreatment they get or feeling useless or not heard enough by others for not accepting them for who they are. Furthermore, he states how 40 percent of trans and gender non-conforming people have attempted suicide because of emotional and physical violence. Alok speaks about not only this conception which was very sad to read about but also how to be acceptable to people beyond the gender binary roles. Alok talks about the difference between tolerance and Acceptance within gender in this case non-conforming people. To exemplify,” Tolerance is always about maintaining distance: “This is about something over there that docent concern me.”Acceptance, on the other hand, is about integrating differences into your own life:” This is something that I am part of and I need to learn more to better help”(page 43). This and confrontation are two other aspects Alok tries to present in the book like when Alok talks about a childhood bully who ended up confronting Alok again and apologizing for being introduced to homophobia at a young age instead of accepting others. I genuinely felt this book intriguing in ways that I also was being educated on how non-conforming people like Alok lives in this world and grow up as they are.