What exactly is gender identity? Gender identification refers to one’s personal perception of one’s own gender. Gender identification can either correspond with or diverge from a person’s designated sex at birth. Gender expression is often associated with a person’s gender identification, however this is not always the case. Alok indirectly provides us with the skills to better comprehend how we feel….beyond the Gender Binary! Alok Vaid Menon pushes the world to view gender in full color rather than black and white. I had the pleasure of attending Alok’s comedy act at the BMCC approximately a month ago, and it was packed with light and humor. They not only made fun of everything, including the audience, but they also raised awareness about gender expression because not many people are familiar with non-binary, gender fluid (QIA+) persons.Throughout the book, we learn how non-binary people feel, what they go through, how society impacts them, and how the four categories of rejection, inconvenience, biology, and the slippery slope effect them. 

Alok Vaid-Menon writes on how the gender binary is enforced before birth and impacts people at all stages of life. Gender assignments provide a narrative for how a person should act, what they should enjoy or wear, and how they can express themselves. Boys are taught to be strong, aggressive, and logical, while ladies are taught to be weak, pleasant, and emotional. This has always been done so consistently and with such power that people are unaware of what they are doing or the harm it will create.

 I consider myself to be non-binary because im gender fluid…i dont care what people give me as pronouns as long as its with respect behind it.

I really enjoyed reading Beyond The Gender Binary. I actually read this book through a Facebook book club for LBTQ people of color. Vaid-Menon provides their unique view and shares some really great words of encouragement. My favorite quote reads  “we want a world where boys can feel, girls can lead, and the rest of us can not only exist but thrive.” This is a powerful statement and essentially encompasses the idea of gender non-conforming people. This idea of masculinity, feminity, or both being something that anyone, regardless of their biological gender assignment, can use to express themselves is so beautiful. I think my classmate, Hilary, summarized how I feel when she posted her snapshot image of Young Thug in the garment that broke the internet. 

Vaid- Menon stated that “the assumption is that being a masculine man or a feminine woman is normal and that being “us” is an accessory. Like if you remove our clothing, our makeup, and our pronouns, underneath the surface we are just men and women playing dress-up.” Young Thug was genuinely expressing himself through his love for fashion but got some much hate because it wasn’t done in a way that supported the status quo. It is my belief that the system is set up to demonize anything that might encourage free-thinking and self-awareness. That said, this is a great book to share with anyone considering what else is “beyond the binary” or even for those who just want to learn more.

The author does a fantastic job at debunking some of the common arguments I’ve heard against gender non-conforming people. One of my favorite instances of this is in the section entitled “slippery slope”. Here They explain how the opposition attempts to associate the notion of being non-binary as an ideal that will lead to some kind of misfortune or disastrous situation. They then go on to explain how this stirs the metaphorical pot because people make wild claims or connections to other topics that don’t actually have anything to do with people identifying as non-binary. I remember how my dad tried to use the same logic when I came out; that my sister would somehow be influenced by lifestyle and end up unmarried. At the time, he really had convinced me that I was some home responsible for my sister’s future happiness. In reality, me being a gay man had nothing to do with her love life. We’ve since come to terms with my sexuality and he understands how I view the world. I’m hoping to revisit this topic in conversation with him and ask him to explain where he got that argument from. I’ve often found that it’s often something learned through socialization or is expressed as a result of the system pushing men to toxic. My classmate, Anevay, posted a snapshot depicting the Native American belief in people having two spirits. Gender fluidity, expression, and gender non-conforming were her long before the system ever existed. And will be here long after we destroy it.

            In the reading “Beyond the Gender Binary” by Alok V. Manon it mentions the situations of a non-conforming and non-binary people in how they are treated by society. Non-conforming people are “people who visibly defy society’s understanding of what a man or woman should look like” and non-binary people are “people who are neither exclusively men nor women.” Alok V. Manon explains different situations in how people in society have reacted to how a man or woman should look like. One of the situations he mentions is when a waiter came up to him and asked him if what he was wearing was his Halloween costume and he was wearing a skirt. This shows how people in society criticize what people wear when it’s something that anybody could wear regardless of their gender. For example, one of my favorite Youtubers Louie Castro sometimes wears skirts in his photographs or in his vlogs and it’s something that should me normalized. Another example is when Harry Styles wore a dress for his Vogue photoshoot, he received many negative comments about it and in one of the comments it mentioned that it didn’t make him look manly. This ties back to what Alok V. Manon mentioned about girls and boys when they’re young. Girls are taught to be nice, weak, and emotional while a boy is supposed to be aggressive, strong, and rational. It’s like a child is already labeled as what is expected from them and how to be. Another situation Alok V. Manon mentions is when he was in High School, he was bullied by a guy who was jealous of his freedom of expression and bullied him because he wanted to be seen as “normal” but years later wrote him that he turned out to be bisexual. This is a problem in society because sometimes people are afraid to come out of their sexual orientation and they feel like they’re going to be made fun of for it. 

            I like the image my classmate Isabella Celentano used because it quotes “My gender does not define what I can wear” which is true people can wear whatever they want it doesn’t matter about their gender. A girl can be comfortable with wearing clothes for men and as for men too they can be comfortable with women clothing. One time on of my younger cousins asked me if it was okay for her to wear a suit and I told her it was okay for her to wear a suit because if she was comfortable with wearing a suit then a dress or a skirt then it was okay. She had also mentioned to me that she wanted to dress up as her favorite anime character who is a boy and I also told her she can wear whatever she wanted it doesn’t matter what she wore if she was happy with it. I feel like sometimes parents label their children as girls should be wearing dresses or skirts at a young age and boys should be doing manly things but whatever people choose to do or wear it should be supported by others in society.  

I really enjoyed this weeks readings on gender expression. In Alok V. Manon’s book “Beyond the Gender Binary“, Alok does an amazing job at articulating the struggles many if not all nonbinary individuals face. Things cisgender people might deem as “normal” or “innate” become real-life struggles for the gender non-conforming, expanding to them even fearing for their lives. It’s crazy to think that a social construct could land some people to feel completely alienated and marginalized just for choosing not to conform to it. Gender is non consensually decided for most of us before we’re even born, forcing people like Alok and many others to feel restricted in the way they represent themselves, “Repression breeds insecurity breeds violence.” Alok writes as he recounts events of them getting severely bullied for dressing effeminate growing up. It’s then revealed that said bully contacted him years later to apologize, admitting that their own gender suppression lead them to act out against Alok for daring to be so open about his. This goes to show that being so strict and sticking with these gender roles don’t truly benefit anyone, as they can breed insecurities that wouldn’t otherwise exist without them, as well as promote toxic masculinity.

I really liked Nazir’s choice of snapshot for this week as it shows a famous rapper Kid Cudi wearing a floral dress during one of his performances. As someone with a predominantly male fanbase, this is a bold choice as it would inevitably cause people to speculate and ask questions regarding his sexuality. I don’t believe Kid Cudi has ever come out about his sexual orientation but I love that he wore it as a statement to those who base their assumptions about someone’s sexuality or their overall identity solely on what they choose to wear. Perpetuating that a man shouldn’t be “allowed” to wear more “feminine” clothing is absurd and as previously stated, only breeds insecurity on the pretense of not being “man enough”. Everyone should be entitled to dress however they please without the worry of being judged or having assumptions placed on their sexual orientation. Many people use clothing as a form of self expression, especially artists as they consider their bodies to be a part of their “brand” and “art”. Whether you wear the type of clothes simply to keep a low profile or blend in and not draw as much attention to yourself, or you like to wear statement pieces like Cudi does, it should not matter and should not be used as a form to critique or assume others. The more seemingly “masculine” men take this approach for fashion, the more others will follow suit and slowly but sure, we can normalize males dressing more effeminate without fearing any judgement.

  This week’s reading talked about the non-binary experience and what it means to be gender non-comforting. In this piece of literature, the author’s perspective is essential to the reader. The author is delivering a nonbinary person’s view on what said identity means in a world where nonbinary voices are often shut out. Vaid- Menon expresses this concern that gender noncoforming individuals have their experiences talked about by people outside of the community rather than people engage with members of the community to discuss first hand. 

  Moreover, they say “Our existence is made into a matter of opinion, as if our genders are debatable and not just who we are.” This lack of support in a person’s life creates an unbearable toxicity that leads to detrimental effects. The author delivers terrifying statistics saying that, “40 percent of trans and gender noncomforming people have attempted suicide” (42). Perhaps the binary is easier to understand and that is why most people see individuals as either men or women. Vaid- Menon tries to get us to understand that just because the traditional western approach is convenient does not mean it is the only truth. 

  In efforts to combat the possibility that there’s more than two genders, many arguments are made for the binary. The arguments are largely based around power and control or rather in an effort to maintain it. Vaid- Menon explains that most arguments fall into one of these categories- dismissal, inconvenience, biology and the slippery slope.

  Lastly, the author makes a brutally honest point. “Often critics of gender no conforming people are more concerned with the conception of life than they are with the care and social structures needed to sustain it” (52). This means that most critics are always so adamant about their beliefs regarding other’s lives but at the end of the day seldom do they care to make sure that person is physically, mentally, and emotionally well enough to stay alive. This proves to be true when you look at how many trans and lgbt people are homeless and living in poverty.

  One of my classmates, Sadira Mohammed, tells a story about their younger sibling and confusion with gender. Sadira made really good points that gender and sex dont always align and labels can be frivolous. However, I’d like to point out that while the lack of labels may be liberating for some, labels also can be empowering. Many individuals take pride in the label they associate with especially lgbt+ members. This is often because it takes courage to be comfortable with an identity that for so many is not acceptable. Regardless, whether we choose to label ourselves or not, we should be respectful of how we approach one another.

  Isabella also shared an interesting post about how gender does not define what someone can wear. I really agree with this statement and to add onto it I think it’s interesting how in recent years, we as a society have made strong strides in understanding that. For example, the MET Gala just happened and a few celebrities wore outfits that are not traditional for their gender. Pete Davidson wore a skirt and looked great!

After reading Beyond the Gender Binary, it just confirmed that the society we live in is all about control and really does not like anything that challenges the norm. Alok really spoke up about a lot of problem that gender non-conforming people deal with. “At its heart, discrimination against gender non-conforming people happened because of a system that rewards conformity and not creativity.” When Alok said this, it really hit me hard, growing up it was always a problem that I was more masculine then all the other girls. I naturally have very large hands because of my father and when I was small, they were even bigger. I never really fit in with the girls and the boys and it was always “She’s so weird, stop acting like a boy, or Why do you look so girly today.” I never understood why one thing was gatekept by one gender and the other gender was not allowed. Why is it such a problem to be yourself in this world?”

When Alok began to talk about the fact that gender was put in place to control us, I was so happy to hear that because no one I know seems to understand that. Gender is used to say, “she can’t” and “he shouldn’t.” gender just like race was put in place to keep us segregated so we as a community will not be powerful because we all see one another as different.  When Alok mention people don’t see a baby as real until they know the gender was simply mind-blowing. As a kid when my mother was pregnant; the first question people would ask it “Do you know what it is?” Like excuse me did you just call my baby sibling an it? it is true that people first evaluate your value by your gender. So, in this society where a person can’t make those evaluations on a gender non comforting person, they pretend you don’t exist or bully you into being “normal.” I remember when I was around 12, I was watching the Oprah show and she was interviewing a person that was born with both genitalia. They spoke about how they did not want to be just one or the other. They did not feel like a girl or like a boy but in the middle and on other days nothing at all. I felt something register in my head at that moment and a tear came to my eyes. Sadly, most of the time gender non-conforming people are seen as doing “the most” and everything we do is seen as a cry for attention when we are just being us.

The funny thing is that the minute you start explaining to people why you identify the way are they see it as a treat to themselves. Or take out their inability to express then selves on you. Alok also spoke about how people how a problem with gender non-conforming people is most of the time people how are also queer but are too scared and brainwashed by the norms of society that they keep their true selves inside. Then they take the frustration of not being able to be themselves out on others. This is sad but at the same time if we have the guts to be ourselves it should motivate you to do the same instead of bullying us, because be honest what are you getting out of making someone else life a living hell. Another thing Alok mentioned it that people are quick to assume that the term nonbinary will erase women and men identities. The really question it why do you think the identity of one being threatens your own? The fact is that it does not, so that argument that nonbinary people will erase women and manhood is just another way to call nonbinary people in inconvenience or a being that makes you remember you are not so different. The fact of the matter it that when ever you feel like deep in your mind and soul is what you are. Anevay Darlington posted the indigenous being with 2 spirits both feminine and masculine and I remember learning that queer people in indigenous communities are seen as higher beings because they possess both masculine and feminine divine energy. Imagine how the world would be if all humanity viewed it this way. Alok book Beyond the binary should be read by more people, They are God sent.

           Alok V. Manon’s “Beyond the Gender Binary” gives the reader insight into what sorts of societal judgments and pressures that non-binary and trans people face daily. Something as simple as going to the grocery store can create intense anxiety for folks whose gender expression conflicts with the gender that they were assigned at birth. Manon writes, “The thing about being visibly gender non-conforming is that we are rarely if ever defended by other people in public. Everyone thinks that since we ‘made a choice’ to ‘look like that’, we are bringing it upon ourselves” (Manon, 12). The fact of the matter is that no one should have to defend their choice of pronouns. The way that a person dresses and expresses themselves should be up to them, and their pronouns should be respected. 

Sadly, due to ignorance, a resistance to change, cultural or religious bias and fear some folks refuse to acknowledge the chosen pronouns of others. This is hugely invalidating for people who find their gender expression falling outside of societal norms. Consequentially, a refusal to call people by their preferred pronouns can contribute to worse mental health outcomes and even suicide. According to Manon, “40 percent of trans and gender non-conforming people have attempted suicide” (Manon, 10). Trans and nonbinary people are dehumanized daily.

            In their snapshot, Sadira Mohammed writes that her little sister corrected a boy at school who was “having trouble understanding why one of their other friends has They/Them pronouns.” Sadira explained that “sexuality is about your mind and your soul it has nothing to do with this avatar we live in called the human body.” I thought this was a really great way of putting things. We must learn not to take people at their perceived face value so that we may see the world more clearly. It was also heartwarming to read that school-aged children are having these sorts of conversations at such a young age and even educating one another. This gives me hope for the world. 

            There is a tendency of some people to dismiss an experience that isn’t their own. This is true of racist and sexist beliefs as well as transphobic and homophobic beliefs. This is where the problem lies. I believe that you don’t have to understand exactly where people are coming from to empathize with and respect their situation. We should do our best to educate ourselves on the struggles of others so that others aren’t constantly burdened with educating us. However, empathy must be out default and in some cases, it must come before understanding.

            It’s heartbreaking that trans and non-binary people are driven to suicide due to society’s disregard and disdain for their existence. When I was a kid, the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” was a popular one. The truth is that words do hurt. Emotional pain is real pain. I believe that if more people understood the severity of the effects of misgendering others, they would do better. Religious beliefs shouldn’t prevent people from empathizing. The root of all religions is love, which trumps hate, always. 

Non-binary people (people who are neither exclusively men nor women) and gender non-conforming people (people who visibly defy society’s understanding of what a man or a woman should look like) are amongst groups of people that are highly unaccepted and worse humiliated and/ or disrespected. Visibly, thy have been plotted against and abused. Laws have been formatted and some implemented to limit the rights and freedom of these groups of people. There has been constant misinformation given about these groups, that people feel entitled to behave appropriately to them, and claim it is because the gender non-conforming people “want” the attention.

Also for trans-feminine, there has been on countless occasions where we watch the news and hear that a trans-feminine has been kicked out of her work place, stabbed, or stripped naked in a public place. These groups go through many inhumane treatments, so much that they are scared to leave their homes and/ or safe spaces and go out in public. Imagine being in danger, unprotected or at unreasonable risks for wanting to be who you want to be, or wanting to look a type of way that pleases you. 

At most, society wants us to believe the norm that has already been set about there being only two genders, “the man and the woman”, “That is how it is meant to be and how it is supposed to go”. There is a saying that, some people only harass others because they already are in a dark place themselves. It is the same for people who constantly bully gender non-conforming people. These abusers are undoubtedly insecure and extremely lonely. They act the way the do to make themselves think they are useful. Right from the moment a baby is born, the baby is categorized as either a man/ male or a woman/ female. This gender identification emphasizes on how the baby is treated, the child whilst growing up is manipulated into believing the set rules by society. That men are superior and women are not, women always like bright colors, women are too emotional and so on

There are strategies people use to make use “to make the gender binary seem like a given, not a decision”. There is the “inconvenience”, where in some situations, people do not accept the gender non-conforming people, but rather they tolerate them. They know the existence of gender non-conforming people, however they do their very best to avoid any kind of association with. Gender non-conforming people fear to express themselves as they might lose anything they hold dear. There is the “dismissal”, where in this situation gender non-conforming people are always ignored or left out. People refuse to acknowledge their existence whatsoever. The “slippery slope”, this is a kind of strategy where people tend to add unnecessary topics in arguments. They use this approach as a way of diverting the main point at hand, so as to justify their thoughts / or statements. The last strategy is known as “biology”, this is where masses of people term gender non-conforming people as “artificial”. People back their sentiments by making it seem that, it is how science works. 

In reading “Beyond The Gender Binary” by Alok Vaid Menon, it gave me a better understanding that gender is more than being a “man” or “woman” , which are the two gender identities we would normally acknowledge. Gender non-conforming individuals don’t necessarily match with the traditional, cultural and social expectations used to classify a person as masculine nor feminine. These individuals are classified solely through the expression of their own identity that can be based on their behavior to their outer appearance, from the clothes they wear to the pronouns they’d prefer to be called. In order for them to fit in today’s society they don’t want to be wrongly discriminated against and oppressed by those who classify them as either “fake” or “abnormal” in the eyes of the media and possibly even political views. 

It was brought to my attention that within the same category as either male or female our bodies naturally don’t justify that we all share the same characteristics. Menon mentions “Body hair and body shape vary within genders. There are many women with body hair and facial hair and many men without it. Not all women are able to bear children and not all men are physically strong. There are many men with curves and many women without them” (Menon 52). To me this meant that not everybody fits the exact representation that society describes us to be whether one is a man or woman. We have our own differences and flaws just like somebody who is not strictly addressed through gender. People often go about living their lives disguised of their true identity in order to be accepted by a society that would rather stick to what is considered normal than value somebody else’s creativity that is left hidden from the world.  

I often would worry that growing up it was wrong for me to have hair all over my arms, legs and some parts of my face because I was a female. This was a misconception I had since girls would often get called out by boys for being “too hairy” because that is so called a “masculine trait” however it is something biologically we can’t control. We often have methods that can prevent the production of hair temporarily or permanently through shaving, waxing and laser hair removal. In reality body/facial hair does not contribute to any given gender because society and the media want to be in control and have a say in that individual’s identity. 

Throughout the rest of the reading it is not fair that gender non-conforming people are faced with physical/sexual violence, false accusations, hate crimes and other harmful behavior that affects their mental health and security throughout the public. In connection with one of my classmates’ snapshots, the quote they posted stated “Respecting someone’s pronouns is suicide prevention. Pass it on”. This is very important because people would just assume someone’s gender identity rather than addressing them correctly and treating them like a regular human being. We all need to learn to be supportive and create a safe space to those gender nonconforming individuals who face challenges that keep them from feeling comfortable and confident in their own skin.