Growing up I’ve struggled with finding a community or simply something that I can call my own. I felt like I was on a team but just sitting on the bench never being asked to play. It’s one thing to be on a team but it’s completely different when you’re on the field. I remember constantly looking for things to be a part of. If it was joining a sports team or getting involved in musical theater. I just never felt I belonged to something. I searched for this community in my own family but that only left me broken-hearted. Slowly this search for finding my community started to come to an end. I was starting to think that there was nothing for me and perhaps I was meant to be on my own.
It was my senior year of high school and my school had a requirement for all seniors to do a minimum of 50 hours of community service in order to graduate. I found myself doing my hours at a local church in my area. All I can remember about that time was how tired I was and I just wanted to do my 50 hours in one week and move on with my life. Little did I know that this community I was searching for was under my nose the whole time. I found everything I was looking for and more. I felt accepted, wanted, and appreciated. Growing up I was never told I love you and to hear a group of people tell me they love me but they barely knew me blew my mind. They didn’t see what I saw in myself but only what I could become. I finally found something! A community that I can call my own. A place where I can be myself, be around amazing people (which today I call my family), and better myself. I started to finally feel what it was like to actually feel to be a part of something and never want to let it go.
Now it might sound a little strange calling a church its own community but The Rock Church is just something different. One of the things that set us apart is how much of a nation we are. We have our own flag, we write our own music, we even have our own lingo. When I first started coming, one thing that I did notice was people’s response to simple phrases. One that everyone knows is “God bless you” when you greet someone. But then there was “Thank you Jesus’ ‘ instead of thank you or your welcome when you did something for someone. Then there is “by God’s Grace” when someone gives you a compliment or is trying to give you credit for something you did. But my favorite one is “Amen” and it’s used when you want to say yes or when you’re in agreement with someone. This was technically my first time in a church and at first, it really did scare me. I have never heard these words and phrases before and had no idea what they meant or why people said them. I didn’t ask about it or make it into a big deal because I didn’t want to lose this place, so I kept quiet about it, brushed it off, and was very observant to figure it out.
The more I started to come and the more involved I got, the more that these phrases started to make a scene for me. It was something that I started to pick up on my own without anyone telling me to say it. It’s not just about the words being said because you can train a parrot to say anything. It’s truly about the meaning of them and what they actually mean. For example, Thank you Jesus is something I say because I’m not giving the credit to myself. When someone says thank you so much for all that you do, I would normally respond no problem but after learning who Jesus is and what he does for me, I don’t wanna give the credit to myself. This lingo isn’t something that everyone understands and most of the time when I slip up and use it outside of Church the reaction that I get isn’t always fun.
The first time this has happened to me is at my job. My boss had texted me asking me to do something for him. My default response is to say Amen. So I texted him back Amen and he responded back with ummmm what? I just realized what I had done and for some reason I got scared. Instead of being proud of my community and giving him the reason why I said that I panicked and just oh lol sorry my phone changed my text. I honestly felt bad for not sticking up for my community and started to feel ashamed. I know that because I go to church more often than most that it does set me apart but most people just don’t understand and are quick to judge. After being in the church for 6 years now, I don’t care what people say about it. This Church is my home, these people are my family and I know it’s different but different is ok because who wants to be normal.
In Gloria Anzaldúa’s “How To Tame A Wild Tongue” She says “I grew up feeling ambivalent about our music. Country western and rock-and-roll had more status. In the 50s and 60s, for the slightly educated and agril1gado Chicanos, there existed a sense of shame at being caught listening to our music. Yet I couldn’t stop my feet from thumping to the music, could not stop humming the words, nor hide from myself the exhilaration I felt when I heard it”(42). What I learned from her is not to be ashamed. You need to love what makes you you and not let anyone stop you or try to change you.
Since finding the Rock Church, I am a completely different person than I was 6 years ago. I am finally happy and get to be myself. Without this outlet, I would not be the person I am today and I’m very grateful to be a part of something that I can call my own. Having our own lingo really sets us apart from everyone else but really brings us together as a community and a family.
Work Cited: Anzaldua, Gloria. “How To Tame a Wild Tongue.” “They say / I say” : the Moves that Matter in Academic Writing, edited by Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstein, W. W. Norton & Company, 2014, pp. 33-45
I think thats great you’ve found a special place like your church, because thats pretty rare these days with so much going on. The fact that you’re happy and can be yourself is truly all that matters and what life should be all about.
The connection between Anzaldua’s story and your own is perfect! Both of you being able to relate to enjoying something you at one point felt shameful for is very unfortunate but I’m glad you’re now more prideful.