Hello professor. First, I would like to say what is ineffective about this sentence is that it does not go into enough detail. We have no idea what the writer of the sentence is talking about other than theirs a nameless narrator and we are to analyze their character in a condition we know nothing of. The statement is way too broad. In order for your readers to understand the perspective in which he or she wants to direct the readers, especially in your thesis statement, it is very import to express and briefly describe the relevant dynamics of the story.
If this sentence had to be re-written by myself. First I would analyze the original statement that was made and get more into detail by breaking each part down into individual parts. For example, In the beginning of the sentence the writer starts off by telling us about the author’s intentions that he has for his readers of his book “Araby”. After introducing the author I would have gone into some greater detail of where he was born and his age as I would with he rest of the sentence. There was a lot of information that could have been included here.
5 thoughts on “Nicole Vega Discussion 4”
I agree with your statement that it does not go into enough detail. I think you had a really good idea of what the sentence should have looked like but I think you should have written an actual sentence so that I could understand how the sentence would look not just the mere idea of the sentence. Its pretty ironic that you were also not giving enough detail to form a sentence to show others how its done.
Hi , Nicole I would like to state that I agree with your statement on how the sentence lacks specifics. I also agree with how you said first you would like to analyze the original statement before getting into more detail . When you have an analysis of something it makes it easier for you to best understand and answer the question .
Caitlin, it isn’t enough to just agree with and repeat another student’s ideas. Your response should enlarge or add to the conversation.
I agree that the sentence lack details and information. It offers no insight into the story, it doesn’t even really grab your attention and make you want to read. I also agree with you that an effective sentences gives brief detailed insight of what the article or story is about. I think if you were to break down the sentence part by part it will give the readers more detail about the story.
Nicole, your comments are great. But students were challenged to write a sentence of their own that might replace the vague one given in the prompt.