What is ineffective about this sentence? What I think is ineffective about this sentence is, sentence doesn’t really show what the story is about. It’s too general and could be about any story. The sentence lacks the clarity and detail needed to capture the essence of the story. It fails to introduce the main characters by name or provide any description of their complexities, leaving the readers questioning who the intricate character is and what aspects of the human condition are being explored. Additionally, the use of the word “compelling” is subjective and unnecessary. This word is just someone’s opinion and shouldn’t be used at the beginning of a sentence.
How might you rewrite this sentence it in a way that offers specific details to improve the clarity and detail would rewrite the sentence to include character names, describe their complexities, specify the aspects of the human condition being examined, and avoid subjective terms like “compelling”.
2 thoughts on “Dawn Delfino Discussion 4”
I completely agree with your analysis, the sentence is too general and lacks clarity, as it doesn’t provide specific details about the story, its characters, or the themes being explored. I also agree to improve it, rewrite the sentence to include the names of the main characters, describe their complexities, specify the aspects of the human condition being examined, to have a better understanding of my sentence.
Dawn, your critique of the sentence is very good. But the prompt also asks students to rewrite the sentence to show how it could be improved.