Vincent Maldonado, Discussion 4

The sentence that the student gave was ineffective. This is because all the student did was just state what the author did, with no explanation whatsoever. as to what the author was trying to do. If someone including myself, were to read it, they would have no idea as to what the student was trying to express. If I were to Rewrite this students sentence, I would include how the nameless narrator has a crush on his friends sister, and the way he momentarily see’s life differently when simply either thinking of her or being around her. He completely begins to become lonelier and lonelier, distancing himself from even his friends all due to the fact of how much he imagines of the girl he is “in love with”. The sentence could also have the development of the character from the beginning of the story to the end, something as simple as mentioning how he believed he was in love with his friends sister, not realizing that he was just intrigued due to him wanting something more and different.