The sentence from the student’s essay “In the compelling short story “Araby” by James Joyce, the author encourages readers to examine the intricate character of the nameless narrator and the complexity of the human condition” shows a few ineffective elements. The first one is the student used “compelling short story” now I believe we all know Professor Conway will only pick compelling stories, which means the beginning sentence is starting off weak. The second issue the student basically listed off what the body of the essay is going to be instead of putting in some creative thinking where the body of the essay would explain that creativity. I would rewrite the sentence like this; In “Araby” by James Joyce, the author tells a story about a young boy who falls deeply in love, but he is so in love that it leads to him being distracted from his own life leading to disappointments.
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One thought on “Discussion 4”
Jonathan, I think you’re the first one who has commented on the “compelling” adjective, which you are so right, I do not like! Your rewrite is very good and could be developed into a strong essay. It tells quite clearly what happens in the story.