This sentence lacks any personality of the story being talked about in this essay. It is a very general sentence and could be about any story. It also has the word compelling, which I think is an unnecessary addition to the sentence. The sentence doesn’t give the characters’ names or any description of the complexity of the human condition in this story. The sentence also doesn’t give an example or explanation of what the reader is examining about this no named character. Reading this sentence my questions would be; Who is this intricate character? What are we examining? What about the complexity of the human condition? What condition is this? If I were to rewrite this sentence, I would give details to the characters and provide their name. I would describe the human condition and why that is important. I would also take out compelling from the first part because I think that’s an opinion and that should be left up to the reader. In addition, When referring to the author I would use their last name.
Daily Archives: February 22, 2024
The sentence from the student’s essay “In the compelling short story “Araby” by James Joyce, the author encourages readers to examine the intricate character of the nameless narrator and the complexity of the human condition” shows a few ineffective elements. The first one is the student used “compelling short story” now I believe we all know Professor Conway will only pick compelling stories, which means the beginning sentence is starting off weak. The second issue the student basically listed off what the body of the essay is going to be instead of putting in some creative thinking where the body of the essay would explain that creativity. I would rewrite the sentence like this; In “Araby” by James Joyce, the author tells a story about a young boy who falls deeply in love, but he is so in love that it leads to him being distracted from his own life leading to disappointments.
The sentence that the student gave was ineffective. This is because all the student did was just state what the author did, with no explanation whatsoever. as to what the author was trying to do. If someone including myself, were to read it, they would have no idea as to what the student was trying to express. If I were to Rewrite this students sentence, I would include how the nameless narrator has a crush on his friends sister, and the way he momentarily see’s life differently when simply either thinking of her or being around her. He completely begins to become lonelier and lonelier, distancing himself from even his friends all due to the fact of how much he imagines of the girl he is “in love with”. The sentence could also have the development of the character from the beginning of the story to the end, something as simple as mentioning how he believed he was in love with his friends sister, not realizing that he was just intrigued due to him wanting something more and different.
In my essay about “The Lesson” by Toni Cade Bambara I would write about the strong discrimination in the story, for example “Miss Moore was her name. The only women on the block with no first name. And she was black as hell, cept for her feet, which were fish-white and spooky” (Bambara). The way the kids describe her negatively by using strong words like hell to describe the color of her skin is shocking. Also, in the beginning of the story the kids made fun of her appearance for being different in town for having nappy hair, proper speech, and walks around with no makeup and then they compared her to a homeless man near the area which they call “the junk man”. The title I will give my essay is “Ignorance of Skin Color”, I will name my essay this because the children in the story don’t really know how successful Miss Moore is, she has a degree and speaks properly but just because of her skin color they see her negatively.
I Think the student sentence is very unclear and general, and somewhat lacks specific details because the sentence is not explaining what the author actually wants to say or how the human condition is actually complex in the story.If I had to rewrite this sentence I would write about that how did views of unnamed character changes on love and reality.After first romanticizing Mangan’s sister, his disenchantment reveals more aspects of his personality. As they accompany the protagonist on her trip, readers are forced to confront the complexities of the human condition, including the depth of desire, the bitterness of disappointment, and the process of self-discovery. Through painful moments, such as the protagonist’s revelation at the bazaar, Joyce promotes investigation into the complex facets of human emotions and goals woven within the story of “Araby.”So, i would have written these details so that the reader would know what is actually happening in the story and would get clear view of that.
I think the sentences from the student is too general, it didn’t show any specific detail to provide what did author really trying to say. The sentence is ineffective because the student should give some details to let the reader get related to the story, but the student only post out his own opinion without any details. If I am going to rewrite the sentences, I will try to provide more details from the story, like how did the main character felt heartbreak after he went to the market and how did he realize the relationship between him and the girl. to provide these details will help reader get into the story and not to confused about why did character grown up in one night.
This sentence from a students essay is ineffective because it is too vague and not specific enough. The sentence is ineffective because it is not explaining what the author is trying to say or his message. It’s simply a general statement that doesn’t give the reader much understanding of what’s going to be talked about. This statement also makes for a bad and ineffective thesis statement. Just stating the author wants us to examine the character of the narrator and intricacy of human condition. With no context or background to support leaves the reader and myself confused. It needs to be more specific so the reader can be able to understand the point of view of the writer. To improve it someone could say, “In James Joyces ‘Araby’, Joyce wants readers to understand the protagonist actions/emotions while dawning on a disillusionment with adolescence while also having a crush on Mangan’s sister.
