Going through young life in a daze, consumed by a love that doesn’t make sense and making unsound decisions that are regretted later… it sounds a great deal like my years in high school! For that reason — and because I’ve been a rather insular person for as long as I can remember, unlike little Langston in “Salvation”‘s scenario — I personally relate to the speaker of “Araby”.
Besides the obvious justification that is “lack of a name making projection easier”, I remember having an obsession with a particular piece of fiction (too particular to elaborate on, my Internet history is semi-public and fully embarrassing) that rewrote my pubescent brain in precisely the wrong place at the wrong time. It led me to choose a Media Arts major at *Brooklyn Technical H.S.*, a choice that I only refrain from mentally hitting myself for today because I was book-smart, but street-dumb. Truly, every course that I took and didn’t do well in, as “I wished to annihilate the tedious intervening days” that stood between me and maladaptive daydreaming that bordered on idolatry, “converged in a single sensation of life for me”. My own chalice brimmed with misguided, derivative creative expression in a world of starving artists. Not to say that it was wrong of me to talk that talk, it’s an admirable hill to try to conquer — I just couldn’t walk the walk of the actual “work put into art besides the ideas” and died on it, unfortunately.
This all links back strongly to what I wrote about myself in Week 1, really; I suppose without very much time alive, this can happen. I can’t say that I don’t enjoy recalling my life as a well-pared short story, though.
5 thoughts on “Madelyn Diaz Discussion 2”
Your understanding of “Araby” and how it connects to your high school days is right on point. I can absolutely relate to the desire to break free from the everyday routine through creativity, just like the narrator. Your journey through those years, which was filled with some uncertain choices and a desire for creative representation, reminds me of my own struggles. Yet, there is something beautiful about accepting the lessons learned. It’s indeed a powerful story about growing up and discovering oneself I believe.
Your high school experience is similar to that of the main character in “Araby,” who is defined by an all-consuming love and terrible choices. Your academic decisions were influenced by your fixation with a particular work of fiction, which resulted in a major in media arts. The conflict between lofty goals and the practicality of toil is similar to what you mentioned in your previous thoughts. You enjoy telling the story of your life in the form of a well-written short story, despite obstacles. The intricacies of life play out like the complex storylines that resound in books.
I love your interwoven quotes here. But what is so terrible about choosing media arts? Well, anyway, I’m sure you learned something you can put to use. Also, self-knowledge is not a bad thing.
I hesitated to know it again via the words I put to page, but I could stand to phrase it in clearer terms: choosing media arts would be more than fine *if I was proud of my efforts*, and it’s not like money’s the biggest deciding factor when choosing what to do with one’s life, especially in high school !
The problem was, I wasn’t proud of most things I made. Technically speaking, I was not good at choosing ideas that I could carry out, and that resulted in, er… failing pretty much all of the project-heavy courses. So, it wasn’t just the last semester of my time there that was poor, to say the least.
I thought I’d found what I couldn’t live without — but it didn’t come from me in the first place, so I had to peel it all off the walls and start over. And here I am now; my posters are still frayed, but they’re of things that reflect my most natural self, at least. Makes it easier to add more of em!
Thanks for the response, Madelyn. I get it.