This country’s mental health system is broken. Mental health puts a burden on us all, especially the youth. Mental health is an issue that is often ignored and stigmatized in society, especially among youth. I believe that mental health should be prioritized. Overall, prioritizing mental health is very important to me. There are so many young people walking around each day with depression.
The first article I chose for the research assignment is Mental health policy by Barbera Mantel published on 5/10/2013. This article is about the improvement of access to mental health policy. According to the article, it is estimated that 58 million American adults, or one in four, suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in any given year these individuals tend to suffer from some form of mental illness. such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. Around 38,000 people committed suicide in 2010, with guns accounting for half of them.
Mental health problems are also common among young adults, with women having 6.4% and cases compared to men at 3.4%. according to Youth Mental Health by Barbera Mantel published on June 1, 2022. In America adolescents who are aged 12 to 17 and 18 to 25 are likely to suffer from mental health issues.
This makes it easier for these individuals to access and receive treatment. A total of forty-four states allow orders to mentally ill individuals who would not comply with treatment. The majority of states demand that the person pose an immediate risk to themselves or others. For instance, in Pennsylvania, a court cannot impose treatment unless the individual attempted or engaged in serious self- or other harm within the previous 30 days. Ten other states require fewer criteria. For example, states like New York. If there is noncompliance resulted in hospitalization or confinement in a mental health unit in a jail or prison at least twice in the previous three years, or in serious or attempted serious violent behavior in the previous four years, the court can order outpatient treatment for a person who is not receiving mental health treatment.
Expanding access to medication does not necessarily increase access to care or support the mental health of Americans, since the medication is usually not the sole remedy for mental or physical health concerns. The issue is not that people who are severely mentally ill are avoiding treatment. The issue is that people who require those interventions are not able to access them. According to the article titled Health Care Debates By Kerry Dooley Young In 2011, there was a national survey on drug use and mental health findings. The reasons for not receiving mental health treatment vary with treatment being unaffordable at 50% and Fear of being committed and having to take medicine at 7%. There is also a shortage of mental health professionals. One of the main factors that cause this is insufficient funds and the longer persistence of education. Students finishing their Ph.D. face obstacles from internship shortages to clinical training.
I learned that there are so many individuals who constantly suffer from mental illness and are unable to afford medication and other treatments. Treatment is inaccessible to a lot of individuals. Due to the stigma attached to mental health these individuals refuse treatment, and it takes years for them to see a mental health professional.
4 thoughts on “Nasanya Brown- Summary”
1.Does the draft include a thesis statement/ conclusion? What is it? Is it clearly stated and arguable?
Yes, it is argued that the health system is broken and that there has to be a fix.
2.Does every body paragraph begin with a premise/ topic sentence that supports the thesis?
No, some paragraphs feel like run on sentences such as the 2nd body paragraph
3.Does each body paragraph include relevant supporting evidence? Explain.
Yes because it relates to the issues with the health system and why it should be fixed.
4.Does the draft include 3 sources, at least two of which are from CQ Researcher or Opposing Viewpoints/ BMCC database?
I’m not sure since there are no citation from the sources used
5.Does the research support the author’s thesis without replacing their voice? For example, if there is a quote, is it explained and analyzed?
Yes because it shows how the problems related to the thesis they are arguing about.
6.Does the author include at least 1 opposing viewpoint, followed by a refutation? Explain.
No i couldnt find any opposing viewpoints
7.Is it clear who the audience is/ who the draft is addressed to?
Yea
8. Is the draft well-organized?
Yea except some parts feel a little out of place or run on sentences.
9. What are the strengths of this draft?
The sources used strongly convey the thesis that is being argued.
10. Do you have any other comments or suggestions?
No except that there should be citations for the sources used.
1. Does the draft include a clear thesis statement/conclusion? Is it arguable and well-stated?
Yes, the essay includes a clear thesis statement that mental health is a priority and that the current mental health system in the country is broken. The thesis statement is arguable and well-stated.
2. Do all body paragraphs begin with a premise/topic sentence that supports the thesis?
No, not all body paragraphs begin with a clear premise/topic sentence that directly supports the thesis statement. Some paragraphs start with general statements or background information that are not directly related to the thesis.
3. Does each body paragraph include relevant supporting evidence?
Yes, each body paragraph includes relevant supporting evidence. I see the use of statistics, research findings, and examples to support the argument.
4. Does the essay include at least three sources, with two of them coming from CQ Researcher or Opposing Viewpoints/BMCC database?
I don’t see any quotes and citations to sources.
5. Does the research support the author’s thesis without replacing their voice? For example, if there is a quote, is it explained and analyzed?
Yes, the research supports the thesis without overshadowing their voice.
6. Does the author include at least one opposing viewpoint, followed by a refutation?
I could not find any refutation in the essay.
7. Is it clear who the audience is/who the essay is addressed to?
It is not clear who the target audience is.
8. Is the essay well-organized?
The essay is generally well-organized, with clear introduction and conclusion paragraphs and several body paragraphs that support the thesis statement. However, some of the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and organisation.
9. What are the strengths of this draft?
Answer: The strengths are that there is a clear argument in your thesis statement and you support it with good statistics in your essay.
10. Do you have any other comments or suggestions?
I think you need to revise some of the body paragraphs to ensure that each one has a clear topic sentence that supports the thesis statement. Additionally you should add a counter argument.
1. The thesis statement is implied and not explicitly stated in the draft. The author expresses a belief that mental health should be prioritized and mentions that mental health is an issue that is often ignored and stigmatized in society, especially among youth. The conclusion is not clearly stated in the draft.
2. The body paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences that support the thesis. The paragraphs provide information about mental health statistics, access to mental health policy, reasons for not receiving mental health treatment, and challenges in accessing mental health care, but they lack clear topic sentences that directly connect to the thesis.
3. The draft includes information from various sources, such as statistics on mental health prevalence, access to mental health policy, reasons for not receiving mental health treatment, and challenges in accessing mental health care. However, some of the evidence provided, such as the statistics on mental health prevalence, is not directly related to the thesis or the topic sentences.
4. The draft mentions three sources, but only one source is explicitly cited, which is the article titled “Health Care Debates” by Kerry Dooley Young in 2011. The other two sources, “Mental health policy” by Barbera Mantel published on 5/10/2013 and “Youth Mental Health” by Barbera Mantel published on June 1, 2022, are mentioned in the draft but not cited properly.
5. The draft includes some quotes and information from sources, but they are not properly explained or analyzed in relation to the author’s thesis or voice. The quotes and information are mentioned in a descriptive manner rather than being integrated into the author’s argument.
6. There is no clear mention of an opposing viewpoint or refutation in the draft. The author mainly focuses on the challenges and barriers in accessing mental health care rather than presenting and addressing opposing viewpoints.
7. The draft does not clearly specify who the intended audience is or who the draft is addressed to.
8. The draft lacks clear organization and coherence. The information is presented in a scattered manner without a clear structure or flow of ideas.
9.The draft provides some statistics and information about mental health prevalence, access to mental health policy, and challenges in accessing mental health care. It also highlights the issue of stigma attached to mental health. The author’s personal perspective and belief about prioritizing mental health are expressed.
10. Clearly state the thesis and conclusion to provide a clear focus and direction for the essay.
1. The thesis statement is implied and not explicitly stated in the draft. The author expresses a belief that mental health should be prioritized and mentions that mental health is an issue that is often ignored and stigmatized in society, especially among youth.
The conclusion is not clearly stated in the draft.
2. The body paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences that support the thesis. The paragraphs provide information about mental health statistics, access to mental health policy, reasons for not receiving mental health treatment, and challenges in accessing mental health care, but they lack clear topic sentences that directly connect to the thesis.
3. The draft includes information from various sources, such as statistics on mental health prevalence, access to mental health policy, reasons for not receiving mental health treatment, and challenges in accessing mental health care. However, some of the evidence provided, such as the statistics on mental health prevalence, is not directly related to the thesis or the topic sentences.
4. The draft mentions three sources, but only one source is explicitly cited, which is the article titled “Health Care Debates” by Kerry Dooley Young in 2011. The other two sources, “Mental health policy” by Barbera Mantel published on 5/10/2013 and
“Youth Mental Health” by Barbera Mantel published on June 1, 2022, are mentioned in the draft but not cited properly.
5. The draft includes some quotes and information from sources, but they are not properly explained or analyzed in relation to the author’s thesis or voice. The quotes and information are mentioned in a descriptive manner rather than being integrated into the author’s argument.
6. There is no clear mention of an opposing viewpoint or refutation in the draft. The author mainly focuses on the challenges and barriers in accessing mental health care rather than presenting and addressing opposing viewpoints.
7. The draft does not clearly specify who the intended audience is or who the draft is addressed to.
8. The draft lacks clear organization and coherence. The information is presented in a scattered manner without a clear structure or flow of ideas.
9.The draft provides some statistics and information about mental health prevalence, access to mental health policy, and challenges in accessing mental health care. It also highlights the issue of stigma attached to mental health. The author’s personal perspective and belief about prioritizing mental health are expressed.
10. Clearly state the thesis and conclusion to provide a clear focus and direction for the essay.