Discussion 5

It is important to describe patriarchy as a system and not an individual identity because the system exists regardless of whether one participates in it or not. I think Harry Brod words it perfectly when he says that privilege is not something he takes, therefore it isn’t something he cannot take. Society simply gives him this privilege and unless he changes the institutions from where this privilege comes from it will always be this way, the patriarchy works the same way. However, individuals do help keep this system in place, by engaging and acting on it and even by deciding not to do anything about it at all. There are many levels to how the patriarchy is upheld, one being cultural. For example, beauty standards have become impossible to live up to and social media has fueled it so, so, much. I can see this with my own sister (who is seven years younger than I am). I didn’t grow up with social media the way she has. Social media consumes her life, and she has grown to hate the way she looks because she doesn’t look like your standard beauty influencer. Her body isn’t like all the fit girls she follows, and when she posts a photo it has to be perfect, it has to be able to blend in with the rest. Sadly, this has been the reality of many teen girls growing up, a tremendous amount of pressure to look good, because you never know what might end up on the ‘gram.

There are of course, institutional ways the patriarchy oppresses certain people. There are laws against people having abortions, laws about who can get married and who cannot, in other countries some girls can’t even go to school.  And it’s not just legislative, people get discriminated against everyday, who can buy a house in which neighborhood and who cannot. Who gets to sit where at a fancy restaurant. I see micro acts of discrimination everyday. There are also interpersonal ways we uphold the patriarchy. This is the one that really gets to me, because I have been in the presence of it and it’s so distasteful. I know that it’s super easy to go ahead and immediately think of men doing this, with “locker room” talk for example but, women do it too. It ranges from women putting down other women to my mom letting me know that it’s not okay that I don’t have children already because every woman in our family does, and “what will my life be if I don’t get married and have children”. My mother has been brought up this way and doesn’t understand that perhaps unlike her, I have the privilege to decide when I want to get married/have kids or if I even want any of those things. Personal levels of oppression can be hard to shake off, when it is all you’ve ever known. Which shows just how complex and intertwined the system of the patriarchy really is. How it influences people and society on so many levels whether we realize it or not.

Reading about Alok and gender identity and expression, I was completely blown away about how archaic gender norms are and how sad it is that society pushes us not only to pick one but to stay within the confines of the one that is chosen for us, basically for our entire lives. I think about the confusion and trauma that it can cause some people, especially through childhood and it is just so ridiculous that we abide by a set of “rules” just to fit in society. I was just discussing this with my partner a few weeks ago. We were cuddling on the couch and I mentioned to him that I wanted to be the bigger spoon and he got very giddy and excited over this (he’s almost 7ft tall and I’m 5ft short so just imagine a koala hugging a tree). I remember saying something like, “Why do you like it when we do this?” and he said, “Because it makes you feel masucline.” and I thought about that for a little bit because he was right. I can be masculine from time to time and people have mentioned that to me over the years, both men and women have said this to me and for some reason it always made me feel bad, like being masculine was a vibe I shouldn’t be giving off because I’m a girl. Throughout the years, I have grown to care less about the “vibes” I give off but having my romantic partner say it and be totally okay with it felt really good. So I asked him, “Does being the little spoon make you feel feminine?” and he said yes, that it was nice to feel like he was the one being protected and loved and letting go of the burden of having to be that person all the time for a few minutes and feeling safe, felt like a relief. However after the reading I realized that we attach certain things to masculinity and femininity that maybe we shouldn’t. Don’t we all want to feel loved, protected and safe with our partners? So why does it matter who’s the little spoon, who’s a big spoon? I realized that all those times over the years when I felt masculine, I was being myself, I was going after a promotion, I was going after someone I wanted to be with, or I simply wanted to feel comfortable at a wedding and wear pants instead of a dress and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I asked my boyfriend when does he usually feel feminine and he said not very often because though he doesn’t care about what people may say he just doesn’t feel like he has a space where he can allow himself to feel that way. Later that week we did something that I knew he had been wanting to do for a while and we got our nails done. I got clear nail polish and he seemed very relaxed and happy with his manicure in Sally Hansen’s “wine not”.

Hello everyone! My name is Isamar but everyone can call me Isa. My pronouns are she/her and I am from Brooklyn, with a Mexican background. I am a Liberal Arts major and I hope to transfer to the School of Public Health at Hunter once I graduate from BMCC. I am passionate about fighting climate change, food sovereignty and having a more viable food system. I believe everyone should have access to healthy sustainably raised food and It blows my mind that there are children and people out there in this country, one of the wealthiest in the world, that don’t have access to a meal or clean water till this day. I wanted to take this class because I am hoping to learn about how femininity and masculinity affects us as women and as a society in general. Coming from Mexico, I am aware of the mass femicide that occurs in my country and I’ve always wanted to understand why that happens, where the problem is rooted, and how can that change. When I’m not at school I love to bike, read, and try different coffee shops and restaurants.