This weeks readings had m considering how these dynamics play out in my gay relationships. My ex-husband (who I was with for 12 years) and I were TERRIBLE at dividing the household chores. Cooking, dishes, laundry, groceries were all my domain. Neither of us were big cleaners beyond necessity, so we maybe divided that equally. It wasn’t healthy, and many of the same arguments were used by him. I was better at it, I enjoyed it more, I liked things done a particular way. It’s funny the way that labor still mostly landed upon one partner in a same sex relationship. It’s also funny that if we were ever asked that terrible question, who’s the woman in the relationship, that designation fell upon me by definition of the fact that I did these chores. Gay men are as misogynistic as any man.
I also recognize the ways in which gay men also transpose heterosexual dynamics on gay sex roles. Frequently the top (penetrative partner) is regarded as the more masculine, the superior of the two. Bottoms (receptive partner) are much derided, there to serve the tops. Even the names top and bottom suggest a hierarchy. While I understand the parallels to hetero sex, it is impressive that in a dynamic where two partners have the same sex organs and essentially the same orgasm, we still feel the need to impose this power dynamic that has been passed down to us from the oppressive patriarchy. Why within the gay community, where we have the opportunity to establish ourselves outside of these structures do we still feel the need to adhere to them. I guess that speaks to the pervasiveness of the patriarchy.