Reading about Alok and gender identity and expression, I was completely blown away about how archaic gender norms are and how sad it is that society pushes us not only to pick one but to stay within the confines of the one that is chosen for us, basically for our entire lives. I think about the confusion and trauma that it can cause some people, especially through childhood and it is just so ridiculous that we abide by a set of “rules” just to fit in society. I was just discussing this with my partner a few weeks ago. We were cuddling on the couch and I mentioned to him that I wanted to be the bigger spoon and he got very giddy and excited over this (he’s almost 7ft tall and I’m 5ft short so just imagine a koala hugging a tree). I remember saying something like, “Why do you like it when we do this?” and he said, “Because it makes you feel masucline.” and I thought about that for a little bit because he was right. I can be masculine from time to time and people have mentioned that to me over the years, both men and women have said this to me and for some reason it always made me feel bad, like being masculine was a vibe I shouldn’t be giving off because I’m a girl. Throughout the years, I have grown to care less about the “vibes” I give off but having my romantic partner say it and be totally okay with it felt really good. So I asked him, “Does being the little spoon make you feel feminine?” and he said yes, that it was nice to feel like he was the one being protected and loved and letting go of the burden of having to be that person all the time for a few minutes and feeling safe, felt like a relief. However after the reading I realized that we attach certain things to masculinity and femininity that maybe we shouldn’t. Don’t we all want to feel loved, protected and safe with our partners? So why does it matter who’s the little spoon, who’s a big spoon? I realized that all those times over the years when I felt masculine, I was being myself, I was going after a promotion, I was going after someone I wanted to be with, or I simply wanted to feel comfortable at a wedding and wear pants instead of a dress and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I asked my boyfriend when does he usually feel feminine and he said not very often because though he doesn’t care about what people may say he just doesn’t feel like he has a space where he can allow himself to feel that way. Later that week we did something that I knew he had been wanting to do for a while and we got our nails done. I got clear nail polish and he seemed very relaxed and happy with his manicure in Sally Hansen’s “wine not”.