I think moving beyond the gender binary means recognizing the harmful gender norms that have been established and choosing to be yourself in every way possible. Alok says, “We wear pantsuits even when it’s blisteringly hot outside, even though skirts would be far more practical.” Alok also mentions how many of us worry that liking certain things will make us look feminine or masculine. Gender norms have prevented us from being our true selves. People are afraid of being themselves because they fear being judged. So I think the outcome of all this is that we often see people projecting their inability to be themselves onto children and those around them.

If I am being honest, I don’t think I really go against gender norms. Well, not anymore. I remember, as a child, I used to describe my gender as free-spirited. At that time, it meant I could be both. I wanted both characteristics. Men were seen as strong and courageous, and women were seen as beautiful and delicate. I felt like I sat exactly in the middle. I grew up reading a lot about kings and queens, and while queens have contributed so much. Kings had the most power. Kings went to war and made important decisions. I think it was after reading about powerful monarchs that I decided I wanted to be a king rather than a queen for a while. I remember constantly arguing with friends while playing because they said I couldn’t be a king because I was a girl. Things have changed a lot since then. I definitely fit more into gender norms. I found myself wanting to feel and look more feminine after puberty. I’ve gotten into the habit of mostly wearing dresses. I started to wear makeup, and now I carry purses. My younger self would probably be upset with me. But I see nothing wrong with trying something new. In recent years, I’ve read a lot about powerful women who weren’t in the books I read as a kid. For a while, I thought I was weak because I was beginning to like traditional feminine things. But I know now that I can be a strong, powerful woman, even in a dress. I may not go against gender norms in my own life, but I do try to encourage others to be themselves. For example, I come from a traditional Jamaican family and I have a cousin who’s a kid, so naturally he’s curious about everything, including my doll collection. So when I babysit, I let him be himself. We play hand games, and I let him watch “girly shows” and play with my dolls. In my opinion, I feel like in terms of gender expression, the world appears to be much harsher on men. My family allowed me to have my moment of finding myself. But the boys in my family don’t quite have that luxury. Everything is seen as “gay”. Being gay isn’t a bad thing, but to my family it is. There’s the pressure that they can’t cry or they’ll look like girls. I think it all starts at a young age. It’s a cycle of self-hatred being projected onto others because they can’t be themselves.