In Beyond the Gender Binary, Alok Vaid-Menon highlights the many ways in which gender-nonconformity is dismissed, ridiculed, and invalidated, and just how much damage gender roles and gender policing – bigotry and transphobia – inflict on our society. To Alok, moving beyond the gender binary suggests working towards a better world where everyone is treated with respect, regardless of their gender. This respect would allow people to be their true, authentic selves without any shame, and free us all from the various norms that harm us immensely. The norms that isolate, violate, and oftentimes kill. Moving beyond the gender binary – completely breaking down and rejecting these societal norms, making room for change and acceptance – will help everyone thrive. It is absolutely crucial to the process of ensuring a happier, safer, and fulfilling future. That is the future that Alok strives for.

I am a cisgender woman who performs femininity in most cases. I am aware of the privileges that this grants me, and how society will more often than not reward me for the way I choose to present myself. However, I wasn’t always like this. There was a long period in my life in which being feminine made me feel weak. It was considered shameful. Liking pink, and expressing giddiness and a fondness for My Little Pony was about the most embarrassing thing ever. Being intense and passionate was only considered okay for certain things. People just adore to make girls feel small, annoying, and idiotic, don’t they? And of course, if you were a boy who happened to enjoy those things, you were considered worse.

Because of this, as a younger girl, I would feel inclined to look down upon traditionally feminine interests and hobbies. I expressed a strong distaste for all things pink and shimmery, even though I wanted it so bad. Once I got older, I finally felt at peace with being openly feminine. Interestingly, I began to notice that people tended to assume things about me as a result – that I was naive, ditzy, and innocent. It only got worse when I shared to a few people that I was queer. I then received very disgusting and perverse requests from people who I called my friends.

I suppose that the reason as to why I perform femininity goes beyond just liking dresses and frills. It just makes life easier, especially since I don’t feel so feminine without the extra touches. For example, people are a lot nicer when I shave. They don’t stare nearly as much. I really wish I didn’t care what people thought of me, but I’m getting there, slowly, every day. I hope everyone can get to that point one day. We all deserve to thrive.

Moving beyond the gender binary for Alok means we as a society should’ve put the terms ‘man’ and ‘woman’ in these tiny boxes. We also shouldn’t limit the genders to being exclusively man and woman, because there is so much more beyond that. Also, not everyone can fit into these boxes society pushes on us and tries to stereotype people into. When we move beyond the gender binary we acknowledge these multiple options that are available.

My gender identity almost perfectly fits into the binary norm society has set up for me, and even as a child I was very in touch with the fact that I loved all the little things that made up ‘being a girl.’ I played with dolls, loved to dress up, do makeup, own a scary amount of pink items, have a sweetooth, I enjoy cute things like plushies or fun character socks, hair accessories and doing my nails. The list goes on and on and on, but, my mom has always told me that sometimes she feels like she raised a boy. (As a joke but I’ll explain why.)

I’m a very messy person and that’s something men get stereotyped as, I also don’t know how to cook, (and don’t really plan to but I know it’s something I have to get to eventually) I don’t really like kids. (I’m just awkward with them so I tend to avoid them, I’ve really only had that ‘mother instinct’ come out like once and that was just last week.) I really love the horror/gore genre, I love listening to rap and I have a loud laugh.

The gender norms society put into place follow along the lines of women being quiet, getting scared easily, being good at cooking, and natural mothers. “Nothing is spared; we mark everything- the colors, the emotions, the relationships, even the food…we don’t even realize that we are doing it.” (Alok 7). Before reading this, I never really sat down and considered all the areas gender is unecessarily platformed in society. The only real necessary measure I could think of is for the bathrooms, fitting rooms, and maybe the gyms.

“What’s never questioned here is whose standards of authenticity are we being held up to in the first place?” (Alok 8). This is the exact question I mentioned having in one of my previous posts, who created these gender ‘roles’ that have lasted thouands of years? Why are we still conforming to such an old and made up prophecy?

In Beyond the Gender Binary by Alox Vaid Manon, Alox is asking that the world acknowledge people that are nonbinary and gender nonconforming along with society’s status quo of the binary population. They also encourage us to do it in a way where we are engaging with these populations so as to end all of the misinformation and lies which have only posed as distraction to the realities faced by gender nonconforming individuals. They are asking for the basic human right to EXIST. Society is systematically continuing to pushing the norm of only man and woman existing and actively attempting to ban any information to the public regarding nonbinary and gender nonconforming individuals which is limiting their access to basic rights and needs such as public accommodations, legal protection in the work place, and healthcare. As a cisgendered heterosexual woman, I am already looked down upon in society as inferior to man because of the Patriarchal ideology yet at least I can say that I’m allowed to “just be” in my daily life. It is painful to confront that part of myself that I’ve allowed to follow the norm of man and women because I envision a life such as Alox described where every single thing they do in public is scrutinized and in my whole being, I know this is not right. We don’t realize how much we let ourselves be brainwashed with information through educational and cultural settings and how we then in turn take those findings and just assume what is convenient.

As mentioned in one of the excerpts, things such as science and culture are constantly changing and we research and test these outcomes and update whatever was previously there but in biology with nonbinary and gender nonconforming people we are relentless to accept change. “They used to define sex as what was reflected on an individuals birth certificate. Once that was changeable, they made the definition our genitalia. Once we could change those, the definition changed to chromosomes. Now that there is increasing evidence that chromosomes don’t always necessarily align with sex, they are suggesting genetic testing. This is not about science- this is about targeted prejudice.” (Manon 50,51). I really appreciate how Alox deliberately debunked so many of the common assumptions used against the gender nonconforming community like this one. They are right in saying that it is discriminatory which is why even I felt held accountable for what I’ve chosen to believe without actively seeking this very understandable knowledge about how so many fellow humans do not feel safe and free to be themselves in the world. Life is hard enough as it is with all that is required to accomplish goals and dreams. It is ridiculous that this community of people have to endure feeling inferior to other humans. After this reading, I feel changed to make a difference at least with how I process information on this topic because it is what nonbinary and gender nonconforming people need from everyone- understanding.

Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok expresses that moving beyond the gender binary for Alok means having to coexist in a world as a person who does not fit in to the conventional gender binary. Alok delves into some issues surrounding his everyday life, as a person who moves beyond the gender binary and is proud to. One problematic statement Alok addresses, that people still cling to is the following, “It’s common sense that everyone is a man or a woman.” The problem with this belief is that it has been interpreted as the status quo for so long that although it is not true, it has been accepted and thus, it has been the norm for years. It is as though we fail to realize however, that discrimination, slavery and genocide were the direct result of an incorrect opinion that was widely held for long enough. 

            We truly do express and experience our gender in different ways and that is because gender is fluid and complex, even for those who identify as cisgender.  The aspect of my gender identity that goes against the binary norm is the part of me that does not and could not ever fathom telling someone that their identity is false, a costume or a spectacle. I have never understood the means behind criticizing someone who is simply living their life, as they have every right to. Ways in which I fit in to the binary norm is that I identify as a female and always have. I have always known deep down that my gender is female, therefor I believe that aspect of my gender identity fits in with the binary norm. 

After careful analysis of Alok Vaid-Menon, a poet, artist, and LGBTQIA rights advocate, deconstructs, demystifies, and reimagines the gender binary in Beyond the Gender Binary. They demonstrate that gender is a malleable and creative form of expression by drawing on their own experiences as a gender nonconforming artist. 

Throughout this deeply compacted book, it was extremely helpful to me. Being that It definitely made me aware of how my own mind functions in terms of traditional binary standards. I’ve been very conscious of assigning others their preferred pronouns, but while reading this, I realized there are other things I do that could be harmful. Vaid-Menon made me more aware of how the world is so used to doing things that are “socially acceptable” that they don’t consider how they are ostracizing other people, particularly those who identify outside of the gender binary. I feel as though my gender identity can go against specified gender norms in some ways, being that I identify as pansexual which is likeing someone mainly reagardless of their sex, or what they’ve preferred to classify as. As far as being a female, I may be expected to only like my opposite gender which is male this will also be considered as our current societies social norm being anything else may tend to raise a few brows being that pansexual is outside of said norms. Working within the confines of a world that does not allow you to be yourself is taxing on the soul and on a person. One of the parts that really struck me was when Vaid-Menon discussed how people are willing to tolerate those who identify as non-gender conforming, but can’t even do something as simple as defend non-gender conforming people in public.

I believe Alok has made it completely clear the moving beyond gender binary is most importantly just moving towards an acknowledgment of multiplicity, within the areas of gender binary as well as realizing that attempting to ultimately fit each and every person into one of the two categories would not work. Due to tremendous or even mere differences of the other. Accepting these differences are what can build a stronger social structure allowing every individual to feel accepted bringing about broader perspectives on a variety of many different subjects.

In Beyond The Gender Binary, Alok explains that moving beyond the gender binary helps us understand that there is a huge difference between what is normal, and what is forcibly normative. It is normal to be straight, gay, pansexual, non-binary, transgender, etc. We must remind ourselves that what we are taught growing up isn’t normal, we shouldn’t take gender and color code it with feelings and accessories to enhance masculinity and femininity. To move beyond the gender binary means inclusivity and acceptance. To make space for gender non-conforming people and transgender people, so that they feel safe and secure in their bodies. It is also to erase the notion that these people do not deserve basic human rights, and allow for positive publicity in mainstream media. I find Alok’s excerpt is similar to our last reading by Bell Hooks wherein she states “Let the movement begin again.” Alok’s points throughout the chapter stop us in our tracks with thoughts, questions, and statements people have in regard to non-binary, transgender, and gender overall. This allows for drastic change, for people to pursue a new thought process when learning about these topics.

I notice my gender identity when I dive into fashion. I love brands that argue gender and create beautiful pieces that anyone can put on and feel good when wearing. I also believe fashion is a huge part of binary norms, that girls should wear pink skirts and boys’ blue sneakers- but that is not what true fashion is all about. Fashion is complicated because it is used as a norm to define someone’s gender from birth- by putting a baby girl in a pink onesie. At the same time, people have the luxury of buying whatever they want to put on their bodies, thus breaking these norms and allowing room for new ideas and creativity. I find myself always running to the men’s section in thrift stores to find the perfect pair of baggy Levi’s, as well as big oversized t-shirts and flannels, because all of the items in the women’s section are tight-fitting, exposing, and uncomfortable. I do love tank tops, crop tops, and fitted pants, but I sometimes hate what the women section has to offer. I only wear dresses, skirts, and heels on special occasions because I don’t feel like it’s necessary to “dress like a girl”. I am a girl, wearing my favorite crewneck, Levi’s, and sneakers. I don’t need to prove that to anyone, and neither should someone who is non-binary.

Discussion board 3

Moving Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok means to live in the world as a person who does not belong on a side of the traditional gender binary – meaning strictly a woman or a man. Gender identification may play an important role in the defense of the gender/sex binary in two main ways. First, it may average reactions to different types of policies and practices that challenge the gender/sex binary, and second, it may be involved with gender/sex binary maintaining testament more generally. One way that my gender identity goes against the binary norm is that I believe God made women for men and men for women. That is why adam and eve once existed. Ways it fits the binary norm is that I would never judge someone’s beliefs. I have families who are binary and I treat them with the same respect I treat any other person. They are still human just with a different view and belief.