According to Alok’s book, binary norm means boys behave like boys, and girls behave like girls. Or let’s make it more clear, boys behave what society thinks boys would behave-“We teach that boys are strong and girls are weak, that boys are aggressive and girls are nice, that boys are rational and girls are emotional.”
Alok’s way to move beyond the gender binary is disclosure different binary norms, opinions about genders and non-binary people, he is brave to stand out also wrote down his statements about it to encourage people like him also let people don’t understand him to acknowledge themselves.
When I was 7, I liked blue. In the third grade, I remembered I fell in love about fashion especially Tom Ford’s new collections for Gucci at that time. It probably would be another stereotype for fashion industry, but my favorite color turned into black because of my love for fashion. Since so many fashion designers’ favorite color is black too. When I think about it today it sounds fun for a 10 years old girl love to wear black clothes all the time. It is different from the states, but my family wasn’t sexism about color. I raised up by my grandma and in her generation (she was born in 1930) there is no such a thing like pink for girls and blue for boys, for her she just wanted her grandchildren to wear dark color since kids are always messy so that it is easier for her. Thanks to grandma so that I didn’t grow up with acknowledging color in a sexism way.
I also loved fighting-I guess it was because that one of my uncle told me that remember to protect yourself in kindergarten if other kids hurt you then you should defend yourself. Hmmmm, thanks to my uncle? Well still thanks to my uncle because of that I haven’t been bullied in campus in my whole life and he let me sense that girls can be strong too. I stopped fighting with other kids after sixth grade but I fall in love to Thai boxing after I grew up.
Things that would fit in the binary norms for me would be I am a nice person generally, and I start to like pink after I am getting older. I love shopping and I love dressing well, I am emotional sometimes especially if I didn’t sleep well.
But after so many years, I realize that I can accept all of them-I can accept my masculine side and my feminine side, also I can be both.
I believe that everyone must has these two sides in their bodies and it is normal. Nobody should be shame if they found themselves have another sides that don’t fit in the binary norms. The most important is, know who you are well and then accept the real you.
Yin,
Yes! That right so many of us already experience feeling feminine and masculine at different times in our lives and no one should have to feel shame in experiencing these different sides even if it extends past the binary norm. I think that’s a great way to understand non binary and gender nonconforming individuals even if all you know is those two genders. I would just also add to your last sentence that yes, it is important to know who you are and accept the real you but also that everyone else has to aid in that as well by remaining open to understanding things that they may not experience firsthand but that others do. That would be a true way to start changing the thought processes around the binary norm misconception.
Hi Yin,
I never liked the idea that boys will be boys, or you run like a girl, because that’s not how it is. Once we don’t fit into those stereotypes, we are seen as “outliers” in the spectrum. But we’re not. We’re more than that.
Hi Yi Lin!
The cultural influence on color for you was interesting to hear. I am also Asian (Chinese) and my grandmother (born in ’37) didn’t have the mindset of “pink for girls, blue for boys” either. However i thought it was interesting that my grandmother is the opposite of yours when it comes to black/dark clothing, and I’d often get in trouble for wearing lots of black clothes because it “brings bad luck”
Also, I think everyone is emotional/grumpy after not getting enough sleep regardless of gender lol
Yin, my apologies for spelling your name wrong!