Pronouns have caused controversy in American society for years now. It is frowned upon to use they/them instead of the traditional she/her or he/him. Accepting genders beyond women and man is moving beyond the gender binary. Alok did a great job at breaking down what it means to move beyond the gender binary. He makes it clear that it doesn’t mean humans can no longer identify as a man or women. It means other genders should be acknowledged and society should consider them a norm. Being non binary supports preserving the human right to be a man or women. I like how Alok mentions how there are an infinite amount of options and we are not limited to the gender binary norm. People mistaken these genders to be something of modern day. Actually, people have been identifying beyond the two genders for centuries. With that being said, why is it still a challenge to be accepted? It takes progression and the understanding that you don’t have to identify with what you were assigned to at birth.  As a cisgender, I have been told countless times to act more like a women. People tend to assign being a woman with being hyper feminine, especially in my culture where infinite options do not exist. As someone who identifies as a women, i believe i fit into the gender binary for the most part. I express myself as compassionate, warm, and kind. Im what a women stereotypically is seen as. What I believe Alok is advocating for is not only the freedom to identify as what you’d like, but to break barriers of how someone should behave. I have gone beyond the gender norms as a women according to society when i came off as masculine or wasn’t gentle enough in the way I spoke. Little things like this are why the stiff interpretation of two genders is toxic. People can not freely express themselves past a women being feminine and a man being masculine. As Alok mentions, putting people in two categories simply doesn’t work. Something I took from his video is the recognition of history. I believe if people would stop blaming the new generations for something that has always existed, people would learn to just accept it. I believe this connects to feminism also, where we are not fighting for dictatorship over men, but equality. Aloks point is we are not fighting to get rid of two genders, but to accept expansion. 

Beyond The Gender Binary is a wonderful written book by Alok that explains everything about gender the beautiful and the ugly. They explain how gender and sex are not only completely different but as well as should be expressed rightfully by the person. Alok does a brilliant job explaining why it is harmful to continue perpetuating these gender norms and how toxic it can be. They also explain how instead of repressing non gender conforming people we should let them express their creativity.

Alok even does a great job with making us realize we ourselves do things that can be harmful when it comes gender. Something as simple as asking a pregnant women for the gender of their child to even forcing our children from a young age to be a certain way and lecture them about how they should and shouldn’t act. We waste all our time and energy on making sure our kids don’t turn out gay or anything in between instead of supporting them and their creativity. They even do a great job explaining their reasoning against things they have heard before by many people and how they also deserve just as much respect as those who are gender confirming or cisgender.

I go against the gender norm because of the way I act or express myself as well as many of my beliefs. I am a very straight forward and affirmative character; characteristics that many people think makes me a ‘bitch’ , but when a man is like this he is seen as confident. Ive experienced many things that have made me realize I go against the gender norms ,I speak my mind when its needed and I don’t turn a blind eye to wrong things and stand up for others and myself. When this has happened many times i’ve been told by guys “hey a females place is to just be quiet” or “hey as a women you shouldn’t be commenting on everything” it has even went as far as ex close friends going to my boyfriend saying that he should be ‘putting me in check’. My family has even stated how my non traditional beliefs would be the reason I will always be single. I despise traditional house constructs of the male being the man of the house and how he calls all shots while the women is in the kitchen and is suppose to be submissive. Ive explained multiple times how I will not be forcing my children into traditional gender norms and they will be able to express themselves from early childhood and was told by my misogynistic/homophobic ex step-father how my mom should beware of “gay children”. Also being bisexual and dressing however I want either being more masculine or feminine definitely goes against norms.

I do not believe that being emotional and nurturing is specific to women however since I have to include in what ways it is with gender norms this is it. Many people believe I am very caring and accepting of everyone. I try to help anyone and everyone with their growth regardless of who they are and I am always there for anyone offering them a shoulder. I am very emotional but that can just be because I have mental illnesses.

We’re all aware about the recent discussions in public domains regarding the use of they/them pronouns for non binary people. There has been much outrage over having to use they/them pronouns to refer to a single person. One can’t help but wonder why this is such a polarizing subject when we have always been using they/them pronouns when referring to an individual we know nothing about. This is when you come to realize it has nothing to do with grammar, and everything to do with whom these pronouns are acknowledging. Using these pronouns mean accepting that there are genders beyond just male and female. We would rather negate the history (of language and people) by saying these are “modern” ideas birthed by a morally corrupt, godless generation. Never mind the fact there are evidences of gender fluidity in numerous cultures throughout the world. It isn’t that people were simply either male or female in the past but that they were persecuted if they weren’t. T they had to hide their identities for their safety and well being.

So does this mean that everything is better for non binary people now, since they can make “demands” publicly? Unfortunately, things haven’t changed much. As we read Alok Vaid Menon’s Beyond The Binary, we understand how society barely tolerates non binary people, let alone accept and let them thrive. Non binary people are forced to defend their existence every single day, whether it’s to strangers that ask invasive questions or to government officials that deny their rights. They live in a constant fear of verbal and physical abuse simply because they exist. Basically everything transphobic people claim will happen to them if non binary people are accepted, despite there being no evidence to support the claim. Plagued by baseless fear and assumptions, we label everything that doesn’t subscribe to our preconceived notions as abnormal and alienate them. Menon says, “Gender non conformity causes such a huge reaction because we’re constantly taught there are only two fixed and universal genders. Seeing other people defy this mandate brings the entire system into question.” We feel threatened that our society built by perpetuating gender and gender roles would topple and cease to exist. What we fail to consider, or rather purposely misunderstand, is that acceptance of non binary genders does not automatically mean rejecting male and female as valid identities. It simply just means acknowledging that gender is a spectrum and no two individual have to be of the same gender simply because they have the same features. Furthermore, it also means rejecting gender roles that serve no real purpose. For Alok, to move beyond the gender binary means them being able to live their truth without fear, children growing up to be whoever they want without the societal pressure and indoctrination to act a certain way. They say, “We want a world where boys can feel, girls can lead and the rest of us can thrive. This is not about erasing men and women but rather acknowledging that man and woman are two of many- stars in a constellation that do not compete or amplify one another’s shine.”

Alok isn’t just fighting for the right of non binary people, they are also fighting for little girls that want to become president and boys who want to become ballet dancers. Growing up, I had what were considered “boyish” interests. I played football (soccer) with my brothers, fixed any and every mechanical malfunction and was loud and assertive. While most of my relatives reprimanded me for not being a decent girl, I was praised by my friends for not being a “girly” girl. As if having “girlish” interests somehow a bad thing. As a young girl, I avoided the color pink or wearing skirts because I felt the same. Now, I wear whatever makes me happy, be it pink sparkly dresses or worn out basketball shorts. I understand that neither of those things are validation of someone’s identity, the person’s existence is valid enough.

To move beyond the gender binary for Alok Vaid Manon means moving beyond the idea that there are only two options, male and female, rather than acknowledging that there is an infinity of possibilities when it comes to gender. Expressing our gender in different ways should not have to be accompanied by a million questions regarding why we look the way we do or have to hear others’ opinions on what they believe is right or wrong. Since society has pushed only two genders upon us, people, even those in political power, have made it extremely difficult for nonbinary people to exist in a world that feels accepting and more importantly, safe.
Since I am a cisgender female, who I guess you can say, expresses myself in a feminine manner, in this sense, I can say that my gender identity fits the binary norm. In the past, this has not always been the case. Growing up, I was constantly compared to my older sister who was girly, sensitive, and not the athletic type. It was obvious to many that she enjoyed getting ready for school, etc. Unlike my sister, I loved sports (I still do) and could have cared less about my outer appearance. Although I knew we looked different, I was still confused about the comments and questions I would get asked due to how I dressed. One day, in the girl’s bathroom in 7th grade, a girl named Jennifer approached me and asked whether I liked girls. I looked at her in confusion and asked, “No, why?”, to which she simply replied, “just asking”. For those who are wondering, I mainly just dressed in jeans and t-shirts or t-shirts and sweats, did not wear any makeup, and definitely didn’t have my nails done. They would constantly break whenever I played softball, so there was no point in getting them done. Since my appearance was not feminine enough for some people, those people automatically assumed that I was a lesbian, unlike my sister with the long hair down her back dressing in dresses and skirts.
Since time, gender has proven to be fluid and complex the way I express myself now is different than how I did then. I didn’t change the way I dressed on purpose, rather I just let nature take its course. Although I was approached about my appearance and asked about my sexuality based on how I dressed, the experiences that I have had when confronted are in no way similar to what many others have experienced. As Alok has mentioned, regardless of our appearances, “we should all be treated with dignity and respect -one in which these factors do not have a bearing on safety, employment, or opportunity”. To live in a world that celebrates our differences rather than shame them should not be difficult or even be questioned.

To Alok Vaid-Menon moving  move beyond the gender binary mean that gender identities and expressions, but also states that there is nothing wrong with existence outside of the gender binary. This invalidates their identity and prevents them from getting the best possible medical care. Alok uses the word Cisgender a lot through out the book and his definition for it is that a person’s gender identity matches the male or female sex listed on the original birth certificate. Gender fluidity refers to the change over time in a person’s gender expression or identity, or both. This change can be of expression, but not of identity, or of identity, but not of expression. Or expression and identity can change together. Gender identification and the need for closure were associated with binary gender/gender beliefs, prejudice against non-binary people and opposition to the use of gender neutral pronouns. Policies aimed at eliminating gender/gender categories, but not policies advocating a third gender/gender category, were considered particularly unfair among those with strong gender identification. These findings are an important step in understanding the psychology of resistance to change around gender/sex binary systems.Gender attributions create a story about how a person should behave, what they are allowed to wear or wear, and how they express themselves. The punishment for nonconformity leads to an inextricable link between gender and shame. Vaid-Menon challenges well-known arguments against gender inequality and divides them into four categories: dismissal, impropriety, biology, and the slippery slope (fear of the consequences of acceptance). Bold headings provide an accessible navigation experience from scan to scan. The prose maintains a conversational tone that feels as intimate and vulnerable as talking to a best friend. At the same time, the author’s twists in moments of deep insight resonate with precision and poetry. In a reflection, they write: “The deadliest part of the human body is not the fist; is the eye What people see and how people see it has a lot to do with power”. Although this short essay speaks honestly about pain and injustice, it ends with encouragement and an invitation to a future that celebrates transformation. To binary people we can be respectful supporting and respecting non-binary people isn’t as hard as you think, even if you’re just getting to know them.You don’t need to understand what it means for someone to be non-binary to respect it. Some people haven’t heard much about non-binary genders or have a hard time understanding them, and that’s okay. But identities that some people don’t understand still deserve respect.Use whatever name someone asks you to use. This is one of the most critical aspects of respecting a non-binary person, as the name you use may not reflect their gender identity. Don’t ask anyone what his old name was.Try not to make assumptions about people’s genders. You can’t tell if someone is non-binary just by looking at them, just like you can’t tell if someone is transgender just by their looks.