We’re all aware about the recent discussions in public domains regarding the use of they/them pronouns for non binary people. There has been much outrage over having to use they/them pronouns to refer to a single person. One can’t help but wonder why this is such a polarizing subject when we have always been using they/them pronouns when referring to an individual we know nothing about. This is when you come to realize it has nothing to do with grammar, and everything to do with whom these pronouns are acknowledging. Using these pronouns mean accepting that there are genders beyond just male and female. We would rather negate the history (of language and people) by saying these are “modern” ideas birthed by a morally corrupt, godless generation. Never mind the fact there are evidences of gender fluidity in numerous cultures throughout the world. It isn’t that people were simply either male or female in the past but that they were persecuted if they weren’t. T they had to hide their identities for their safety and well being.

So does this mean that everything is better for non binary people now, since they can make “demands” publicly? Unfortunately, things haven’t changed much. As we read Alok Vaid Menon’s Beyond The Binary, we understand how society barely tolerates non binary people, let alone accept and let them thrive. Non binary people are forced to defend their existence every single day, whether it’s to strangers that ask invasive questions or to government officials that deny their rights. They live in a constant fear of verbal and physical abuse simply because they exist. Basically everything transphobic people claim will happen to them if non binary people are accepted, despite there being no evidence to support the claim. Plagued by baseless fear and assumptions, we label everything that doesn’t subscribe to our preconceived notions as abnormal and alienate them. Menon says, “Gender non conformity causes such a huge reaction because we’re constantly taught there are only two fixed and universal genders. Seeing other people defy this mandate brings the entire system into question.” We feel threatened that our society built by perpetuating gender and gender roles would topple and cease to exist. What we fail to consider, or rather purposely misunderstand, is that acceptance of non binary genders does not automatically mean rejecting male and female as valid identities. It simply just means acknowledging that gender is a spectrum and no two individual have to be of the same gender simply because they have the same features. Furthermore, it also means rejecting gender roles that serve no real purpose. For Alok, to move beyond the gender binary means them being able to live their truth without fear, children growing up to be whoever they want without the societal pressure and indoctrination to act a certain way. They say, “We want a world where boys can feel, girls can lead and the rest of us can thrive. This is not about erasing men and women but rather acknowledging that man and woman are two of many- stars in a constellation that do not compete or amplify one another’s shine.”

Alok isn’t just fighting for the right of non binary people, they are also fighting for little girls that want to become president and boys who want to become ballet dancers. Growing up, I had what were considered “boyish” interests. I played football (soccer) with my brothers, fixed any and every mechanical malfunction and was loud and assertive. While most of my relatives reprimanded me for not being a decent girl, I was praised by my friends for not being a “girly” girl. As if having “girlish” interests somehow a bad thing. As a young girl, I avoided the color pink or wearing skirts because I felt the same. Now, I wear whatever makes me happy, be it pink sparkly dresses or worn out basketball shorts. I understand that neither of those things are validation of someone’s identity, the person’s existence is valid enough.